The Marshmallow Test: The Amos Version
In the late 1960's, psychologist Walter Mischel led several experiments on delayed gratification involving four year olds and a bunch of marshmallows. The premise is simple and I explain at the beginning of the video.
The characteristic these experiments test - basically self-control - has been to be a fundamental predictor of success in life. I've always said I'm going to test all my children in when they reach four years old - not because I want to see how successful they will be as adults, after all to think one can truly predict that is hopeful at best and ridiculous at worst.
Basically, I just wanted to see which children I might want to keep a close eye on. I tested Griffin at four and now it's Amos's turn!
Would you ever perform the marshmallow test on your child? Or do you already know what they will do? How important do you believe self-control to success?
Today I realized for half of 2016 I've carried a pebble of dread in the pit of my stomach.
I could not be more excited to welcome my dear friend Kristen Johnson to the blog today to share about her new passion project that so closely aligns with my values when it comes to raising boys - it's dang near scary.
My boys love dolls. My almost-four-year-old carries a baby doll regularly with him to school. He loves to dress dolls, talk to them, give them milk, and dance with them. His dolls are in his toy set and just another part of his pretend play routine. No big deal to him.
Over the past few months, several people have asked me to share my thoughts on school. When did I start sending my children to preschool? How do I feel about half day versus full day? Why did I choose to send my children to public school instead of private school?
In a way, it's hard to talk about education and the choices I've made for my children because I feel - probably incorrectly - that it locks me into the decisions I've made. I've chosen public school for my kids, and - if I share why - then I can never take another route.
So, let me begin with this disclaimer. If at any point this path doesn't work for one of my children or stops working for one of my children, I will not hesitate to return to the drawing board and look for a better solution.
Now, let's begin at the beginning.
I began noticing it about six months ago.
Felix favored his left hand. A lot. He reached with it. Ate with it. Used it to do most everything. The right hand he kept balled up (as in the picture above) and close to his body.
I recently found some old imported Google Notebooks. When I was pregnant with Griffin, I used one of these notebooks to organize the baby products I wanted for my baby registry.
Wait, that’s a lie.
I used one of these notebooks to organize my desired baby products before I was pregnant with Griffin. That’s right. I had everything picked out for my registry before I was even pregnant. Yes, it is very, very sad. Yes, my obsession with baby products knows no end. Yes, I’m the person you go to if you are setting up your own registry.
However, did I actually use any of these products? Heck, no!
Several years ago, before Griffin was a twinkle in my eye, I stumbled across an interview with Stefan Shepherd on NPR. Shepherd writes Zooglobble, a blog dedicated to reviewing and sharing the newest children’s music. When asked by the host why kids couldn’t just listen to The Beatles or Rihanna or whatever their parents were listening to, Shepherd explained he thought it was important that his daughter listen to music that explored subjects and issues she understood. He didn’t want her only listening to songs about romantic love (the primary subject of most pop music) or other adult subjects any more than he wanted her only reading Jane Austen or Michael Chabon.
Gloria Steinem recently posted her Christmas wish list. The list is fantastic, but one item really spoke to me as the mom of three boys.
“I’m glad we’ve begun to raise our daughters more like our sons – but it will never work until we raise our sons more like our daughters.”
The societal expectations placed upon little girls are far from perfect. Women are expected to beautiful and nice and never, ever bossy. However, we’ve come a very, very long way from the 1950’s when getting married and raising a family were the only real life goals presented to women.
I was raised to believe I could be whatever I wanted. I was praised for having big dreams in the traditionally male-dominated worlds of law and politics.
The same is not true of little boys today.
You I've been wanting to make Borax Snowflakes forever. I wouldn't have put it off this long if I'd know HOW STINKING EASY IT IS!
Sarah Holland
Recently, I posted on Facebook that I was trying to stop yelling at my kids. There wasn't one rock bottom moment but there were enough bad days that I woke up one morning and thought, "I'm not going to yell at my kids today." Then, the next day I made the decision and the next and the next. Some days are harder than others but none was harder than that first day.