How to quit yelling at your kids

Recently, I posted on Facebook that I was trying to stop yelling at my kids. There wasn't one rock bottom moment but there were enough bad days that I woke up one morning and thought, "I'm not going to yell at my kids today." Then, the next day I made the decision and the next and the next. Some days are harder than others but none was harder than that first day.

When I posted about my struggle, my friend Allison shared her collection of quit yelling tools and advice. Allison is already one of my mom role models because she is out there making the world an easier place for all of us with her Astoria's Okeyest Mom project. By sharing hilarious (because they are TRUE) pieces of her own moments on the struggle bus, she creates space for the rest of us to just give ourselves a dang break!

So, here is Allison's quit yelling advice!

1. Don't pick up the gauntlet

When your kid challenges you to a struggle at bedtime, don't accept the challenge; distract, go in a different direction - This is from ScreamFree Parenting which has specific examples of how to not pick up the gauntlet. I also have a reminder on my iPhone that goes off every single night in the middle of bedtime that says, "Don't pick up the gauntlet."

2. Treat yourself like a toddler

Think ahead about your triggers and what you need to head them off - do you get cranky when you are hungry, rushing, tired - then try to plan in advance to head those off before bedtime.

3. Laugh with your children each day. Be silly.

4. Week of extreme nice

For one solid week, be extremely nice and sugary sweet to your kids no matter what. This will jump start a period of pleasantness in your house.

5. Give warm greetings and farewells

6. Distill rules into short phrases (e.g. "Hands to yourself"; "Ask first"; "Stay with us.")

7. Try to say Yes

Sometimes, a “no” can be phrased as a “yes.” “Yes, you can have ice cream, just as soon as you’re done with dinner.” “Yes, we’ll leave just as soon as it’s noon.”

8. Under react to problems

By acting calm, you’ll make yourself feel calm, and you’ll also help the people around you stay calm. And that cuts down on yelling.

9. Hug more

10. ACT calm = FEEL calm

One of Gretchen Rubin's rules is to act how you want to feel and then you will actually feel that way. Try it; it works.

11. Be responsible TO them

From ScreamFree Parenting. Basically, remember that you are not responsible FOR your children, you are responsible TO them - it is up to YOU to model the behavior you want to see from them, to SHOW them how to exhibit self-control and other behaviors you ultimately want to see in your child as s/he becomes an adult.

Side note from Sarah: This one CHANGED ME forever. I can't stop thinking about what a difference this small shift in thinking has done for me.

12. Let go of the schedule

I have identified one of my main triggers as the schedule. In my internal insistence on staying exactly on schedule, I often start to lose my patience and then my mind when the children are messing around and we start to go off-schedule; letting go of a specific time in mind or accepting that we can be a little later than usual often calms me enough to prevent the loss of my sh*t.

13. Respond, don't react.

Pause, wait before responding (Instead of "reacting" by freaking out, pause and think for a moment about why your kid is doing what's she doing, what need she's expressing, and about how you can be responsive to that need to solve the problem and diffuse the situation.)

14. Act the way you want to feel

Although we may assume we act because of the way we feel, we often feel because of the way we act.

I'll be back next week with what has helped me TREMENDOUSLY with regards to yelling. What do you guys do to keep your cool with your kids?

A Weight Lifted

Today I realized for half of 2016 I've carried a pebble of dread in the pit of my stomach.

Since we realized that something was wrong with Felix's arm and decided to consult a pediatric neurologist, the dread has taken different shapes. Dread that it would be some obscure and fatal diagnosis. Dread that he would need an MRI. Dread that something would go terribly wrong during the MRI. Dread that it would be the rare vascular malformation and would need brain surgery.

No matter what shape it took it sat there hard and cold. I'd talk myself down. I'd do more research. I'd talk to a doctor and then another doctor and then another doctor. I began the process with First Steps and got Felix started with occupational therapy. 

I would move the pebble. Smother the pebble. Ignore the pebble. Until there I'd be, holding Felix close and I'd rest my mouth on his head and the weight of that tiny little pebble would feel like a boulder.

What if something happens to my baby?

On the drive to Vanderbilt. As I handed him over to the nurse. As we waited and waited.

I could feel the weight bearing down on me until all I could do was breathe. Just keep breathing.

Then, just like I had told myself they would, the nurse called my phone and said Felix was fine and ready for us in recovery. Picking him up for the first time I felt some of the weight lift. I was so fearful of the MRI I had only allowed myself the smallest space to consider the result. I told myself we would hear what we expected to hear ... but I was prepared to wait days to hear it.

I laid down to take a nap and turned off my phone - not even considering the possibility the hospital would call. When I turned it back on, the pediatric neurologist had left a message. I called her back and she told me it was what they thought. Felix had had a minor stroke either a month before he was born or right after. There was no vascular malformation. He would need the occupational therapy he was already receiving and we didn't even need to go back and see the doctor again.

And just like that the dread I'd been carrying for months was gone. The stress of Felix's diagnosis isn't completely gone. I still worry he'll have trouble walking. I still wonder if there was anything I could have done to prevent what happened. I still watch his right hand constantly for signs of improvement... but the fear? The fear of the unknown. That fear is gone. 

As weird as it is, I realized the MRI got inexplicably linked up with another event this month. For those of you who might not follow me on social media, I won my primary campaign for Paducah City Commission. (YEAH! And THANK YOU for supporting me!)

It feels really stupid to talk about an election in the same post about my baby's stroke, but you know what life isn't neatly compartmentalized and mine is no different. 

Plus, the fear I felt about the election has been another constant companion over the past six months. Yes, I chose this path but it didn't change the stress associated with it. By the end of the campaign, I felt fairly confident that I would make it out of the primary but I had no idea in which order I or any of the other candidates would fall. What if I didn't make it? What if I'd wasted everyone's time? What if I looked foolish?

In a weird way, one scenario constantly distracted me from the other. When I would feel my anxiety over Felix and the MRI begin to rise, I would dive into campaign work. When I would begin to worry about the campaign results, I would remind myself that I had much more important things over which to worry. 

It wasn't until today - with the results of Felix's MRI finally in - that I realized that this year was half over and I'd spent all of it carrying around these tiny pebbles of dread. I'd rubbed them until they'd felt familiar - until I'd accepted their presence as my new reality. This new reality made all the easier because everyone in our lives has been so incredibly supportive and amazing. 

But it was still hard ... and then, just like that, they were all gone.

It was only then that I realized how heavy those pebbles had gotten. That the weight of that dread and fear as a constant companion has taken its toll. That I hadn't been writing as much. That's how I know when I'm really avoiding something. The words don't come.

But tonight I couldn't get the words down fast enough. The pebbles were gone. The words had returned. 

It wasn't until the weight had been lifted that I realized how heavy it had been all along. 

Boys and Dolls: A New Era of Play

I could not be more excited to welcome my dear friend Kristen Johnson to the blog today to share about her new passion project that so closely aligns with my values when it comes to raising boys - it's dang near scary.  

My boys love dolls.  My almost-four-year-old carries a baby doll regularly with him to school.  He loves to dress dolls, talk to them, give them milk, and dance with them.  His dolls are in his toy set and just another part of his pretend play routine.  No big deal to him.

But dolls seem to be a big deal to adults.  Especially when boys play with dolls.  There’s a lot of Internet chatter about the topic of boys and dolls.  Generally, the public commentary of the moment seems to agree that boys should play with dolls. 

Why, then, is the world of dolls so askew? 

The makers and the buyers of dolls have until now allowed dolls—which are just little people—to be almost entirely one gender.  I’m sure this doesn’t come as a surprise to you, but that gender is female.  Dolls are girls.  Even most baby dolls are girls.  It is extremely rare to find a normal-looking boy doll in the 3-9 age range.

This phenomenon of doll gender imbalance has not gone unnoticed.  In a hugely popular viral Internet moment, we saw one mom make an “American boy” doll for her son.  That mom (Gina DeMillo Wagner) wrote about the experience: “A year ago, when my daughter turned 7, she received one of American Girl’s popular ‘Truly Me’ dolls, customized to look like her. My son, naturally, wanted a doll that looks like him, too. Trouble is, there are no 18-inch ‘American Boy’ dolls available.”  Wagner did something about it, but the only way she could figure how to do so was to buy a girl doll, remove her makeup and cut her hair to create a boy doll. 

How odd that she could not just go buy a boy doll.

The imbalance among dolls impacts all children.  We all know the problem:  Girls are told that they should be playing with dolls, creating a lifelong impression that somehow the action of nurturing, caretaking, and even play with like-aged children and babies belongs to females.  In turn, boys are sent the message that they should not be playing with dolls.  This creates a lifelong impression that their job is NOT to be nurturing, caretaking, and playing with like-aged children and babies.

Our kids deserve better than this.  My sons are onto something when they play with dolls.  They’re relating.  They’re oblivious to stereotypes.  And we should keep them that way.

Okay, so what’s the problem and solution? 

The problem is that modern-day toys still send antiquated messages.  

Our kids cannot walk into a toy store and choose from an array of dolls.  They can’t find a doll that looks like them, and sometimes they can’t even find a doll that is their gender or race.

The solution is for real, really real, to stock the doll sections of toy aisles with a healthy variety of dolls.  So simple.  Kids’ imaginations can do most of the work, but let’s give them access to a full painters’ palette rather than a single choice.

Choice is what matters.  No one wants to go to a restaurant only to be served one dish.  Add some variety, let kids choose how to play, and watch the happiness grow.  Let’s give the boy and girl dolls.

Beyond evening the playing field, encouraging all our young’uns to engage in free and imaginative play with dolls has massive benefits on their childhood development.  The skills developed are countless, but just to name a few, an occupational therapist, a speech-language pathologist, and a clinical psychologist (all also moms) identified these:

• Cognitive, fine motor, and self-help skills
• Speech and language skills
• Social and emotional skills

Based upon my lowly observations as a mom myself, though, despite these great benefits of playing with dolls, boys are still discouraged from doing so.  Change in the doll world is moving at a snail’s pace.  So I have decided to do something about it.  If the solution is to get more variety into the stores, then let’s do it!

Next month I am launching a new company, Boy Story, designed to bring diverse boy dolls to the toy aisles for all kids.  Boy Story’s main product is 18” ball-jointed Action Dolls.  They are boys (for now—girls will be added as the selection becomes more balanced).  Each boy doll comes with a story to get the imagination fired up.  My dream is to walk into a toy store and see a selection of dolls more representative of the world we live in.  Diverse, evenly marketed to both boys and girls, and fun.

FUN - most of all.  Once we’ve gotten rid of the stereotypes that have plagued our toys for generations, that’s what will emerge.  Fun.

For me, and pretty much for every parent I know, that’s really the goal here.  Provide toys that are a joy to play with.  We want the moments of our kids’ lives to be fun, carefree, and filled with play.  Our childhood time is precious.  Why waste it having to struggle through an explanation over pink and blue aisles?  Or spend time explaining to my son why all the dolls available only wear dresses?  Let’s give our kids the diverse tools they need to grow into loving and open-minded adults.

On April 13th, you can help my mission to level the playing field.  Boy Story is launching a Kickstarter campaign to raise enough money for production of our first run of Action Dolls.  We hope you’ll join in, back our project, and contribute to this positive change! 

Stay tuned and follow us here:

facebook.com/boystorydolls

twitter.com/boystorydolls

instagram.com/boystorydolls

Our newsletter for all the latest updates!   http://eepurl.com/bEX4Z5

Kristen Johnson is an international lawyer living in Qatar, family devotee, and social changer.  She can't decide whether to lean in or lean back, but with two young sons, her hands always seem to be full.  Her village is her rock: her husband, family, friends, and colleagues.  She co-founded Boy Story with her sister, Katie Jarvis, a brilliant designer, goofball aunt, and the-girl-you-can't-stop-laughing-with.  

Education: Preschool, Public School, and More

Over the past few months, several people have asked me to share my thoughts on school. When did I start sending my children to preschool? How do I feel about half day versus full day? Why did I choose to send my children to public school instead of private school? 

In a way, it's hard to talk about education and the choices I've made for my children because I feel - probably incorrectly - that it locks me into the decisions I've made. I've chosen public school for my kids, and - if I share why - then I can never take another route. 

So, let me begin with this disclaimer. If at any point this path doesn't work for one of my children or stops working for one of my children, I will not hesitate to return to the drawing board and look for a better solution.

Now, let's begin at the beginning.

Both of my boys began two-day-a-week half-day preschool at two years old. Both Griffin and Amos had been attending Mommy's Day Out for five hours a day two days a week since a very young age. Both boys were confident and curious and neither experienced any anxiety beyond the normal separation anxiety every toddler goes through.

So, for us, preschool was a no-brainer.

All of our decision-making is simplified because we live in a small town and there are fewer options. We only had three or four preschools to choose from and none of them were difficult to get into. We chose Immanuel Baptist Preschool because I was incredibly impressed by the director and loved the curriculum focus on self-control and character. I have never not once regretted that choice.

Both Griffin and Amos attended two-day-a-week classes for two years before moving up to five-day-a-week pre-K. We never considered holding them back for a year in the four-year-old class because - as I explained in this post - holding back was never the right choice for our boys. 

After preschool, Griffin began kindergarten at Clark Elementary School (which just so happens to be next door to Immanuel Baptist Preschool!) in the fall of 2014. Amos will begin in the fall of this year. (WHELP!)

When it came time for elementary school, our options were a bit more complicated. Paducah has excellent public schools and two public school systems - Paducah Public Schools and McCracken County Public Schools. We also have St. Mary School System, our local Catholic private school, and Community Christian Academy, our local Christian private school. Then, of course, there is always homeschooling.

While I would never remove homeschooling as an option, I simply do not have the patience or skills to teach young children, even my own, how to read or add or subtract or do any of the most rudimentary skills. I can barely handle teaching Griffin how to tie his shoes. I just don't have the patience.

Now, helping a middle schooler or high schooler explore subject areas or do research or learn more about physics or algebra, I'd be all about that. That I could handle and would most likely enjoy. But teaching a five-year-old to read? Pass.

So, homeschooling was off the table. 

As far as private school, the ability to send our children to great public schools was one of the primary reason we moved home in 2009. I understand that many aren't that lucky and private school is one of the best options they have. I am very thankful (and much richer!) because our family is not put in that position.

To many of my friends, religious education is important enough to choose one of our private schools. It is not to our family. I do not send my children to school for moral education. Now, I do believe that school is a good testing ground for the morals I've hopefully instilled in them but that's another post. 

So, we were left with choosing between the city schools and the county schools. I am a product of the county school system and was the fourth generation of my family to graduate from Heath High School. However, several years ago the county high schools merged and Heath High School was closed ending any loyalty I had to the county school system.

We live in the city school district and the elementary school was around the corner from my house. Many of our close friends sent their children to the city schools and were incredibly happy the education their children were receiving. 

Of course, the same could be said of our friends sending their children to elementary schools in the county. The differences between the elementary schools weren't many. So, we were left to look a little beyond kindergarten to the impact of our choice.

There are a couple of big differences between our area high schools. First, McCracken County Public School is the home to almost 2,000 high school students. The enrollment of Paducah Tilghman is about 750. That's a big difference. The enrollment at my high school was a little over 500 and while I understand the increased opportunities that come from a school that big, for me size matters and it seems that most of the science agrees.

Plus, Paducah Public Schools has a much more diverse population. My high school was small but it was also incredibly uniform with regards to race and economic background. Nicholas, however, went to a diverse high school and argues he is better for it. I understand that diversity isn't a top priority for every family. Obviously, I moved my family from Washington, D.C., to Paducah so it isn't the only thing that matters to me. However, it was important enough to consider.

Truthfully, throughout the entire process, I've always tried to remind myself that my kids will most likely be fine. They are smart. They have parents who care and are invested in their education. Should any problems arrive our family has the time and resources to deal with them. No decision is really going to make or break them educationally. 

With our kids, careful thinking is always important but one decision rarely predicts the outcome of their entire lives.

Education is no different. 

When something is wrong with your baby

I began noticing it about six months ago. 

Felix favored his left hand. A lot. He reached with it. Ate with it. Used it to do most everything. The right hand he kept balled up (as in the picture above) and close to his body. 

At first, it didn't seem like that big of a deal. Griffin and Amos also favored their left hand at a young age because I remember my mother warning me they would be left handed. It became pronounced right around the time he rolled off a bed at my sister-in-law's house so I worried he might have suffered some type of head or arm injury.

My pediatrician assured me he had not suffered a head trauma sufficient to affect the usage of his limbs from rolling off a bed. I continued to worry and began consulting Dr. Google. 

If you google handedness in infant, you will get a ton of results telling you your baby has cerebral palsy. A scary diagnosis made even scarier for me because I confused cerebral palsy with cystic fibrosis. P.S. NOT the same thing.

After weeks of fretting, we decided to take Felix in for an exam and the doctor agreed that something was going on. He suggested pinning his sleeve closed so he couldn't use his left hand and see if that affected the use of his right.

It didn't. 

In the meantime, I spoke to as many people as I could with expertise in this area, including another pediatrician with several decades of experience and a neurologist. 

Both recommended having Felix examined by a pediatric neurologist. Both suggested it was most likely a very minor form of cerebral palsy and that he would most likely need physical therapy. 

Last week, we took Felix to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital to the pediatric neurology clinic. The doctor was incredibly kind and helpful. She examined Felix and walked through several possibilities. At first, she was concerned that maybe he had suffered some nerve damage in his arm. However, using the 1 Second Everyday video I took his first year of life, she was able to tell that he was using both early on and eliminate that as a possibility.  (Win for crazy documenting moms and technology!)

Then, she told us exactly what we expected to hear. She told us he most likely suffered a small stroke in utero or after birth that has affected his right arm. Cerebral palsy is basically just a term they use to describe damage to the brain either from stroke or birth injury. She told us we did not need to get a MRI because it wouldn't change the treatment, which is physical therapy.

Thinking about my baby having a stroke is incredibly scary. Strokes are a scary thing. However, by the time we heard those words come out of the doctor's mouth, I'd had months to adjust to the idea. The diagnosis is scary but Felix's actual situation isn't. Many children suffer paralysis and delays and many, many other problems.

Felix hasn't missed a milestone. While he army crawls instead of getting up on his hands and knees, he has already started pulling up and his language is also progressing much like his brothers. The doctor confirmed that he seems to be in great shape and will most likely regain total usage with therapy.

I walked out of the Children's Hospital - a harrowing place to be - thinking we had the best outcome we could ask for when we walked into the doors. Our child had exactly what we thought he had and was getting the treatment we expected.

Then... she called back.

After discussing Felix with a pediatric stroke specialist, the doctor had concerns that Felix's symptoms could also be the result of a very rare vascular malformation. Now, the recommendation is that Felix have a MRI, which will require general anesthesia. 

It shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you that I HATE the idea of my one-year-old baby going under general anesthesia. HATE. While I know children all over the country go under general anesthesia every day, I also know there are real (and growing) concerns about it. 

However, the risks of a vascular malformation are real and incredibly dangerous. Should Felix have the malformation he would require surgery. A possibility I'm not even trying to think about right now.

We've scheduled the scan, although we're still having lots of discussions with medical professionals we trust about how to reduce the risk of long-term consequences.

And - despite the latest curve ball - I'm still grateful. Grateful it's not worse. Grateful he's still a happy, healthy baby. Grateful for our supportive family and friends. 

Grateful we have the time and energy and resources to get Felix all the help he needs. 

How I talk to my kids about hard things

A while back I asked y'all if there were any subjects you'd like me to tackle. I got so many great responses but there was a common thread among many of the answers.

How do I talk to my kids about race? How do I talk to my kids about different abilities? How do I talk to my kids about sexual identity? How do I talk to my kids about gay people?

I've talked kids and race before.  I've shared how my mom talked to me about sex and how I now talk to my kids about sex. I've also tackled other tough subjects like death. 

And if you want all MANNER of wisdom on interacting and helping your child interact with someone different than them, you really need to go hang out on Annie's blog for a while.

The more I thought about it. The more I realized people weren't just talking about specific subjects. They were asking about something more general. 

How do I talk to my kids about hard things?

Look, I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm not an expert on child development. Half the internet is dedicated to parenting advice and half of that is dedicated to advice on how to talk to your kids about difficult things such as death and sexuality. 

So, I'm not going to give advice. I don't think that's what you're asking for anyway. I think what you're asking is - what's it like to talk to your kids about death? how does it feel to answer your kids' questions about sex? how do I know I'm not screwing it up?

That I can speak to.

Tackling tough subjects with your kids is as hard as you think it is and easier at the same time. We try to keep the world so black and white for our kids. We try to make things simple and understandable. Hitting is bad. Sharing is good. When they get old enough to understand harder subjects, it feels a bit like we've sold them a bill of goods. They look up at you with their wide eyes and their "What do you mean bad things happen?" face and you feel like a fraud. 

Or, at least, I did. 

It's hard to be vulnerable with your kids. It's hard to acknowledge you don't have all the answers and you never did.  The first time Griffin asked me about death I wanted so desperately to assure him nothing was ever going to happen to me and I was going to live a long time. But that is not true and it would dishonor those I have lost if I pretended it was. 

It's hard to say, "I don't know" - to anyone much less your own child. 

Say "I don't know" anyway.

Vulnerability really is the only way. Every time I've tackled a tough subject with my kids I realize how much my own opinions and ideas are tied up in how I feel about a subject I thought was universal. It's hard sorting out my own perspective so that my children have the chance to form their own. 

But by exposing ourselves and our insecurities to our kids, we're teaching them something so much bigger than lessons about death or identity.

We're showing up. We're saying, "It's more important to me that I'm honest with you then that you believe I have all the answers." 

We're saying, "I'm here for your tough questions." We're showing our kids that being present through the tough stuff is all we can really offer those we love. 

Know you'll get some stuff wrong. I've had to back up on things I've told Griffin about race and about sexuality. I've had to say, "You know I told you this but I thought more about it and I think I was wrong. What I really meant was..."

And that's a good thing in a way. I'm showing my kids that they don't come to me for answers. They come to me for conversations and those conversations get easier. Nothing is as bad as we anticipate it to be and that's what I mean by these talks being hard and easy at the same time. Once you've taken a breath and just started, the current carries you along and you realize you and your child are staying afloat together.

I want to have conversations with my kids - about tough subjects - about ANY subjects. I want them to trust I'll be honest. I want them to know I'll get things wrong but that I'm doing the best they can. 

I want them to know hard things are hard but that the hardest things offer opportunities for growth and insight and connection. 

Baby Products: Fantasy v. Reality

I recently found some old imported Google Notebooks. When I was pregnant with Griffin, I used one of these notebooks to organize the baby products I wanted for my baby registry.

Wait, that’s a lie.

I used one of these notebooks to organize my desired baby products before I was pregnant with Griffin. That’s right. I had everything picked out for my registry before I was even pregnant. Yes, it is very, very sad. Yes, my obsession with baby products knows no end. Yes, I’m the person you go to if you are setting up your own registry. 

However, did I actually use any of these products? Heck, no!

I’ve written before about disappointing products, but as I read through the list I didn’t just see products that I never used.

I saw a woman with some serious fantasies about baby-dom and what it takes to survive it.

First of all, this document is 58 pages long. FIFTY-EIGHT PAGES LONG. Now, in my defense, there is a lot of space and a lot of photos but still. Do I have an equally long document filled with advice on how to raise this child? Nope. I guess I was just going to wing it.

I have seven different books and Web sites on recommended baby products. When, I ask, was I going to read said books? I sure I didn’t have any time after writing (and revising and revising) my baby products manifesto. That’s for sure. The best part? THIS is actually on the list! Oh, the irony!

Next up, I have four baby journals and several other keepsake ornaments/portraits/etc. Turns out, I just use Facebook. I’m assuming Zuckerberg sends you an edited full-color photo book when your kid turns 18. Right?

However, the section with the biggest disparity between what I expected and what actually happened is absolutely diaper bags. I have NINE different diaper bags picked out, which means I probably looked at ninety. They are all cute and highly functional and I even ended up with one of them…that I never, ever carry.

Because the best part of me being obsessed with baby products? I rarely, if ever, have a baby product on me. I would say 9 times out of 10 I take my kids somewhere I walk in with my kids, myself, and my purse. No diaper bag, much less diapers or some fancy shopping cart cover. Let me show you what replaced my diaper bag.

Noticed how I showed you a nice manufacturer picture and not my actual minivan. That’s because my van is one giant (very dirty) diaper bag filled with toys and books and sippy cups. (Maybe a diaper, too, if we didn’t steal the car diapers when we ran out inside…you know you’ve done it!) I guess I just figure if we really need something that bad we’ll just go out to the car and get it. Not to mention, a majority of the time I’m hanging out with my MUCH better prepared mommy friends who will always lend me a wet wipe. 

Mainly, when I scroll through the pages and pages of baby products, I just see a scared version of myself. I thought that having a mastery of baby products meant I had a mastery of motherhood and nothing could be further from the truth. Seeing long lists of products promising to make life with a baby easier made me feel more at ease. Sure, it was a fantasy but nothing really would have prepared me for the reality…and my diaper bag IS really cute. 

P.S. Here’s the link if you want to peruse my manifesto for your own personal enjoyment. There actually is some great stuff on there. ;)

5 Children’s Music Albums That You Should Blast on the Stereo

Several years ago, before Griffin was a twinkle in my eye, I stumbled across an interview with Stefan Shepherd on NPR. Shepherd writes Zooglobble, a blog dedicated to reviewing and sharing the newest children’s music. When asked by the host why kids couldn’t just listen to The Beatles or Rihanna or whatever their parents were listening to, Shepherd explained he thought it was important that his daughter listen to music that explored subjects and issues she understood. He didn’t want her only listening to songs about romantic love (the primary subject of most pop music) or other adult subjects any more than he wanted her only reading Jane Austen or Michael Chabon.

I remember being so struck by what he said that I noted his favorite artists in my super-secret-when-I-have-a-baby file and vowed to make children’s music a part of my children’s life.

Of course, when I say I listen to children’s music with Griffin, I get a lot of eye rolling and sighs from my fellow parents. Somehow children’s music has the reputation for being the worst (and least hip) part of being a parent. (Personally, I blame Raffi.) Why don’t we all just put on our mom jeans, pile in the minivan, and sing “I Love You, You Love Me” all the way to Chuck E. Cheese?

The irony is the actual music has gotten hipper as its reputation has taken a dive. Several prominent bands from the 1990s, such as They Might Be Giants and Barenaked Ladies, have reinvented themselves (and children’s music itself) with some of the most inventive and infectious tunes out there. Plus, there are some seriously dedicated artists recording fresh, original songs, instead of torturing us all with one more version of “The Wheels on the Bus.” If I’m being honest, this music is so good some of these CDs continue to play long after I’ve dropped Griffin off at daycare.

But don’t just take my word for it. I’ve picked my top five favorite artists for you to listen to and decide for yourself. Hopefully, you’ll give children’s music another chance. After all, do any of us really want to catch our 6-year-old bopping along to “All the Single Ladies”?

1. Justin Roberts. My absolute favorite. Roberts’ songs are funny, insightful, and fresh. I dare you to listen to “Stay-At-Home Dad” without giggling or “Giant-Size Butterflies” without crying. I love all his songs but “Pop Fly” is my favorite. It does what Roberts does best – captures the joy and charm of being a kid in a way both parents and kids can enjoy.

2. Elizabeth Mitchell. I love Mitchell because she is everything children’s music isn’t supposed to be. Calm. Soothing. Beautiful. Smithsonian Folkways is offering a free download from her newest album.

3. They Might Be Giants. Just think of TMBG as The Beatles of children’s music. If there is a group responsible for the reinvention of this genre, it’s them. All of their albums are great, but Here Comes Science is amazing. Let’s put it this way. If I win a trivia contest by explaining the difference between speed and velocity, it will not be thanks to my public school education. It will be thanks to They Might Be Giants. Their free weekly podcast is an excellent way to get introduced to their music. P.S. Their new album is available on Freegal!

4. Barenaked Ladies. If I had a million dollars, I would buy you all the Barenaked Ladies album Snacktime. (Ha! Like what I did there!?!) I don’t know what they do better – clever lyrics or lovely melodies – luckily I don’t have to choose. Plus, Gordon Lightfoot makes an appearance. 

5. Renee & Jeremy. Similar in sound to Elizabeth Mitchell, this duo’s sweet songs are easy on the ears. A lot of their songs also teach important lessons about sharing and why you can’t do everything you want right now.

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