My Most Fun Posts of the Year

I had a plan to post my favorite or most popular post of the year but I was having trouble choosing just one. THEN, I realized it's my blog and I don't have to! So, here are several of my favorite posts of the year. 

No theme. Nothing incendiary or insightful. Just some light thoughts and laughs.

Click any photo to be taken to the post.

It's not really about the boobs

Photo Credit: Trav155 via Compfight cc

My response to the viral post "My Husband Doesn't Need To See Your Boobs" and why it's not REALLY about the boobs at all. 

Last week, my cousin Taylor texted me a link to a blog post. Written by Lauren from Apples & Band-Aids blog, the post was entitled “My husband doesn’t need to see your boobs.”

In the post, Lauren goes out of her way to say she is not judging any woman who posts her bikini-clad self on social media but does ask if any and all bikini-clad women could just NOT. The photos were a “stumbling block” in her marriage and everything would be so much better if the photos weren’t there. 

Taylor’s commentary was simple. “This bothers me.”

It bothers me, too.

Post by Sarah Stewart Holland.

It bothers a lot of you if the above Facebook conversation is any indication. It also CLEARLY bothered a lot of other people too because Lauren shut down the comments section because it had come a place of attack and “hatred.”

So, here’s the thing. I’m not here to shame this woman. If the post is any indication, she carries around enough shame already. 

And the truth is I don’t know her and I don’t know her marriage. She admits to a certain amount of insecurity, which is something from which none of us are immune. We all worry - even a little bit - our spouse might find someone else (maybe Dean Cain… KIDDING) more attractive than us. We all worry that other people are focusing in on the bits we’d rather keep hidden. We all hear the societal message that we can do more, be more - or less in the case of weight.

To me, what seems to make Lauren different is that she feels like this normal human emotion is a part of some bigger battle - a battle she feels justified in asking perfect strangers help her fight. 

She is a woman “fighting for her marriage.” She is “protecting his eyes, protecting his heart.” She is clearly a woman of strong religious beliefs and talks in her About Me section about living a life of “sanctified striving.” Other posts mention “dying to self” and “crosses to bear” and battling to let go of “selfish desires.”

And to that I say - Whew, sister, have I BEEN THERE.

I’ve shared before that I grew up in a strongly evangelical church and lived a deeply religious life through most of my adolescence. Buried deep in my history, I recognized the language Lauren speaks. The language of “stumbling blocks” and “temptation.” The language of not good enough.

Recently, my therapist and I were talking about self-compassion and how that’s something I am not very good at. (Understatement of the century. More posts on that coming soon!) She asked where that came from and without a hesitation I answered, “Growing up Baptist.”

Now, hold up! I know some of y’all are Baptist. I’ve got nothing but love for you! I long ago realized I had to stop making what happened to me about ALL religion or ALL religious people. 

However, for better or worse, the message I got growing up was “You are full of sin and you better work your BUTT off to glorify God and prove you’re worth it.” Not having premarital sex before marriage? Great, now give up dating all together. Going to church every Sunday and Wednesday? Great, now make sure and wake up every morning and have your quiet time with God. Listening to Christian music to “protect your hearts” from Satan? Great, now give up ALL secular music. 

And that message of not good enough - as Lauren’s post alludes to - was particularly strong when it came to women and sexuality. Sex was sinful, the temptation was everywhere, and it was all the girl’s fault. After all, I don’t see many photos of mother’s dressed up in ball gowns vowing to protect their son’s virginity. 

I would have absolutely described it as a life of “sanctified striving” at the time but, let me tell you, all that life left me was sanctimonious and TIRED.

It has taken me years to reject that message. It has taken me hours of conversations with deeply spiritual dear friends and endless amounts of time spent reading and thinking and pondering (endless as in I still do it) to leave that framework behind. 

And it took me finding a new spiritual home to realize the true meaning of grace.

That, no, I am not perfect and that is OK. That the acceptance and love of God is GIVEN - not earned. That grace is a place of deep and abiding peace - not a battlefield.

So, what I really feel when I read Lauren’s post is deep sadness. I see the chinks in her armor. I hope being a “soldier for Christ” leaves her fulfilled because all it left me was gun-shy and battle scarred. 

Happy birthday to bluegrass redhead!

As you might have noticed, there's been a few changes around ye olde bluegrass redhead.

That's because this month marks the blog's ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

This past year has been an intense one and I wouldn't have made it without all of you. The community that has built up around bluegrass redhead make me so insanely proud and I can't wait to watch it continue to grow. 

I only hope that I've given as much to you as you have to me over the past year. 

In celebration, I've got a few things planned. First, I've spiffed up the space a bit. I was getting tired of seeing the same picture of my face (and I love my face!) so I've decided to change the masthead from time to time. Right now, it's baby Sarah enjoying the California sunshine at about 7-years-old but I plan on changing the photo regularly from here on out. I've also added popular posts and content categories, as well as my Instagram feed, along the side. 

Next up, I've prepared a reader survey. I REALLY want to hear from y'all. I want to know what you like, what you don't like, what you'd like to hear from me, and how I can help. So, if you have a few seconds (it's short I promise!), please fill out this survey! Completing the survey will earn you an extra TEN entires in...

The last part of our celebration A GIVEAWAY! I'm giving away a Kindle in celebration of my one year anniversary! The giveaway will run from today through the actual one year birthday next Friday and you can rack up lots of entries by sharing on Twitter!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Finally, I'll be sharing popular content and my favorite posts throughout the next week. If you were looking to get me the perfect gift (which I KNOW you were!), I would be so honored if you'd share your favorite bluegrass redhead posts and tell your friends and family to come by and check it out!

Seriously, thank you for making this first year so incredibly special.

Standing Desks 101

Sitting is slowly killing us

No matter where you work - whether it be from home or at a traditional office or from the bottom of an ocean on a submarine - chances are you spend a large amount of time sitting. We sit to work. We sit to eat. We sit down at night to relax.

There’s only one problem. Sitting is terrible for you. 

According to the Mayo Clinic, when you spend a large percentage of your day sitting you increase your risk for obesity, metabolic syndromes, cardiovascular disease, and cancer. A recent study found that those of us who sat for more than four hours a day in front of a screen had a nearly 50 percent increased risk of death from ANY cause.

In other words, we need to get up out of our chairs.

Standing is the answer

Enter the standing desk, which is exactly what it sounds like. You stand at your desk and work. Instead of hunching over a keyboard, you stand with your feet planted firmly on the ground, you shoulders relaxed at your side, and your head facing straight in front of you.

I started using a standing desk over a month ago. At first, it felt a little odd to not sit down and dive into my work as I was accustomed to doing. However, I found it was much easier to maintain proper posture from a standing position and I immediately noticed less tension in my upper back and shoulders. I also find it easier to focus and move around the room when processing a new idea or concept.

Standing Desk 101

As the popularity of standing desks has increased, so have the options for anyone interested in standing while they work. For anyone who just wants to test out the idea, I highly recommend The Standing Desk 2200, a very clever DIY standing desk addition for your current desk. I built my own Standing Desk 2200 and it has been a great solution for me.

For anyone ready to commit wholeheartedly to standing, there are great options for all budgets with most experts recommending an electric desk that can also be lowered for sitting when your legs or back gets tired.

If a standing desk of any kind seems too extreme, you can commit to getting up and moving around regularly to help lessen the negative affects of sitting. 

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#O2OChat Tips for Using Photos in Blog Posts

O2OChat Tips for Using Photos in Blog Posts

Today I joined Anna Epp from Life is Good at the Beach, Deanna Garretson from Domestic Chicky, Bridget Ivey from The Ivey League, and Ashley Paige from I Love You More Than Carrots for a #O2OChat over at One2One Network on tips and tricks for using photos in your blog posts. 

We covered lots of ground from whether or not to watermark your images to great photo edition software. So, if you're looking to improve your skills, head on over and check it out!

Leaning In

Last week I went to BlogHer. The largest conference for women bloggers in the world, this conference is big and loud and dynamic and (if you’re not careful) overwhelming. 

I went to a ton of great events. I got to visit with friends. I connected with the teams behind some of my favorite brands. However, the most profound moment came when I sat down at a table with five strangers and opened my heart. 

Saturday morning the conference began with Sheryl Sandberg. The COO of Facebook, Sandberg recently authored Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. I read the book last month while on vacation and I loved it. Sandberg has received criticism for advocating ambitious career tracks that many women simply do not have the options or resources to pursue. 

When I started the book, I was ready to disagree with much of Sandberg’s position. Imagine my surprise when she addressed her critics up front and then set out a passionate and compassionate argument for becoming your own best advocate – no matter your situation. Never once did I feel like Sandberg was judging me for my own off-ramping and I truly believe her personal journey and honest insight has application way beyond the upper echelons of corporate America.

Clearly, I wasn’t the only one because she was treated like a rock star at BlogHer. She came down into the crowd before her appearance and kindly greeted all of us while taking pictures, signing autographs, and collecting business cards. 

But nothing prepared me for what happened next. Lean In the book has inspired Lean In circles all over the country, where women gather to support one another in pursuing career goals. After her appearance, leaders from the organization helped those who chose to stay organize into impromptu Lean In circles.

We gathered in groups of six and right next to me a group of five added Sheryl Sandberg as their sixth. Seeing her sit down and listen as the women shared their goals and frustrations was completely inspiring. 

The only thing more inspiring was what happened at my own group.

A group of strangers we left the session an hour later as sisters. We shared our struggles and our sadness. We made each other laugh and cry. From all backgrounds and experiences, we each opened up and allowed ourselves to be vulnerable. The connection women can create when given the time and space to do so has always been amazing to me. I remember in college spending hours with friends or even mere acquaintances sharing past heartache and future dreams. 

Sadly, there’s been less and less space for that type of connection in my adult life. Everyone is so busy or concerned about what others will think if they share real emotions or insight. However, something is lost when our relationships never dive below the surface of everyday interactions. Something real. Something fantastic. 

The question that at the heart of Leaning In – what would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Watching these women share and listening to what they had already overcome, I can’t say I left ready to tackle my biggest fear but I can absolutely say I left that circle a little less afraid and a lot more inspired and definitely more prepared to lean in. 

Tell me. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

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Saying goodbye to the internet?

Last week, Glennon Doyle Melton of the blog Momastery called it quits. Well, she called it quits for 40 days. At the top of her game with hundreds of thousands of readers and a New York Times best-selling book, she said goodbye to the internet. 

The internet, I think – is turning into a compulsion for me. I’m starting to look to it for my own worth. I’m looking to it for comfort and as a balm for loneliness. I’m using it to hide a little from real live people. And I’m using it to numb my feelings. To zone out. All of this scares me because these are all the things I used to use booze for. And these are the things I still use food for sometimes.

I identified so much with her post. I am also a striver - a person who’s shifting definition of success is too often linked to external factors instead of internal motivation. The internet – in particular the world of blogging – can often play to my worst instincts. I see other’s success (including Glennon’s if I’m being honest) and, instead of feeling inspired, I feel like a failure. So, I go out into social media looking for sources of positive feedback and/or plain old distraction.

However, her solution feels somewhat gimmicky. If she’s looking for fodder for that second book, this would seem to be a perfect solution. The bookstore shelves are full of people who tried to give up one thing or commit themselves wholly to something else for 30, 40, 60, however many days. 

Plus, I’m not sure addressing this problem in such a heartfelt manner than offering a solution that is impossible for so many does much to advance the conversation. The internet is big, it’s scary, and it is slowly changing every single aspect of our lives. We all worry about what it’s doing to our relationships, our work, our brains (much less our childrens’ brains). However, opting out is simply not an option for most of us. I can’t tell my clients or my bosses I’m signing off email for 40 days.

Chances are neither can you.

So what can we do?

I’ve read (and tried) many a strategy in an attempt to address technology’s slow creep into every aspect of my life.

Technology-Free Tuesday A few years ago, I attempted to sign off the internet for one day a week. Calling it Technology-Free Tuesday, I would avoid everything but voice calls and text messages. I did experience a profound sense of awareness … awareness of every time I wanted to answer a question or deal with a nagging problem and couldn’t! I felt self-satisfied and more than a little superior at the end of every day but I think that’s about it.

I still occasionally spend entire days away from the internet when my life allows for it. I get busy with the boys or spending time with friends and before I know it it’s been hours since I’ve checked my phone or logged on to Facebook. It’s never planned and I’m never 100% screen free all day but I find these spontaneous respites much more enjoyable than the forced ones. My focus is on the ones around me because I chose that time – not because I’m forcing myself into some internet exile. 

Technology Sabbath As a family, we recently tried a technology Sabbath. No screens from sundown on Saturday until sundown on Sunday. The first morning I realized I had no source for Sunday morning news with iPhone news readers and Sunday morning talk shows forbidden. Then I realized I had no way to check the weather or look up my favorite breakfast recipe. Plus, I get a lot of work done on Sundays – all of which requires screens. I’m not sure if we ever had a 100% successful Sabbath and we haven’t even attempted one in weeks. 

Screen-free evenings  In January, my husband and I made the rule that we would be screen free from when he came home in the evening until when the children went to bed. This strategy has lasted the longest and I think has been our most successful. It felt good to purposefully focus on family time and led to some pretty rousing games of Candyland and one incredibly awesome Lincoln Log cabin.Still, when I have work that has to be finished or both of us have had a particularly stressful day, the screens come out. 

I’ve read other tips and tricks on how to control technology. In particular, there seems to be an ever-growing concern with how technology and the steady stream of instantaneous gratification affects our ability to focus. There are thousands of blog posts (oh, the irony!) filled with tips and tricks to regain focus and keep your technology consumption in check. Don’t check your email until noon. Don’t keep Facebook open. Turn off alerts. 

I’ve tried them all with varied success. However, due to the psychological predilections that steer us all, I fall back into my old patterns of behavior. I wake up and reach for my phone. I check and update and refresh. 

I’m beginning to wonder if my desire to “control” technology causes me more stress than the technology itself. I have entire friendships and incredibly important relationships that depend on the internet to survive. My work would not be possible without the internet. I use the internet to express myself.  I learn from the internet. I grow from the internet. 

Could I spend less time looking at zoo animals eat popsicles?

Perhaps. But fifteen years ago, I could have spent a LOT less time watching Crossfire or reading wedding magazines. Fifteen years before that I could have spent less time watching Mama’s Family (don’t laugh!) or obsessing over my latest crush.

Creating priorities. Managing your time. This is the work of adulthood. The internet has no doubt made that work harder but I’m thankful I have the luxury of free time at all. I’m thankful I even have an email address – much less the time and energy to worry about when to check it. 

The desire to control technology is a noble one. Like all things in life, conscientiousness breeds contentment. However, I worry swinging the pendulum too far in the other direction is not the answer. Maybe there isn’t an answer. 

As technology grows and the internet continues to affect every facet of our lives, I truly believe this discussion is important. In fact, maybe the discussion itself – and the awareness it brings to our own behaviors and habits – is the solution. 

In other words, see you tomorrow, internet.

What do you think? Have found ways to pump up the positive and decrease the negative effects of technology in your own life?

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Welcome to bluegrass redhead

Ten years ago, my then-fiancé-now-husband Nicholas asked me a simple question. 

“Do you want to start a blog?”

At the time, I was completing my senior year of college, planning a wedding, and generally preparing to become an adult. I had a simple answer.

“Heck, no! I don’t have time for that!”

Thankfully, he ignored me (wouldn't be the last time) and started what we modestly named “The Best Blog EVER.” In the beginning, he wrote most of the posts but - not one to be excluded - I eventually chimed in. 

My first post:

This actually is Sarah and my first blog EVER! For any of you who I haven't talked to in awhile, I just received an internship at the National Organization for Women and I am soooo excited. This summer is going to be wonderful but very very stressful. The wedding plans are going along nicely. Nicholas and I just added some things to our registry today, really exciting stuff like bath towels and pans. I tried to add some zest with the Smoothie Pro 60 but Nicholas vetoed it. Oh well...we're not zesty people I guess considering it's friday night at 11:30pm and we're working on our homework (and our new blog) :)

Riveting. I know. 

By 2005, I was posting regularly and had crowded Nicholas out completely. As our lives continued to change, I found blogging to be the one constant. Writing had always been a lifeline - a way for me to work through my own thoughts and emotions. The fact that I could now share my writing with friends and family was an added bonus. 

Then, in 2010, blogging stopped being a personal hobby and became something more. A former law school classmate and dear friend asked me if I’d like to start a blog... a real blog. Instead of sharing personal photos and anecdotes when the mood struck, we would post new content every day of the week splitting the work load between us. The blog would be our job.

This time I said yes. 

I was a new mother in desperate need of a creative outlet and flexible work options. Professional blogging seemed to fit the bill. 

Salt & Nectar was born on January 31, 2011. I shut down the Best Blog EVER a few months later and Salt & Nectar has been my blogging home ever since. Over the past few years, I have learned an incredible amount about the business of blogging, about social media, about our readers, and about myself. 

That journey has lead me here. 

Perhaps it’s the only child in me, but I recently realized that I needed my own space - space to share the more personal aspects of my journey, space to explore the people, places, and ideas that inspire me, and space to get to know all of you better. 

Let’s be clear. Salt & Nectar isn’t going anywhere. Both Sarah and I will still be posting weekly on the salty and sweet of motherhood. 

bluegrass redhead is merely the next step in my blogging journey. For those of you who have been with me since that first silly paragraph, thanks for sticking it out. For fans of Salt & Nectar, I hope you’re as happy with one Sarah as two. For anyone who is just joining our little caravan, welcome! You can learn more about me here and I’ve also shared some of my favorite posts I’ve written over the years to give you an idea of who I am and what inspires me.

To each and every one of you, I am honored to have you along on this journey. I look forward to lots of laughter, maybe a few tears, and loads of A HA! moments. 

Welcome to bluegrass redhead.

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