How I STOPPED ruining Christmas
My journey with Christmas began in 2009. Up until that point, Nicholas and I had always traveled to our family’s and spent the holidays in someone else’s home. When Griffin was born, we spent our first holiday season in our own home and it was wonderful. The next year we traveled to Nicholas’s family for the holidays, which was hard, but we still only had Griffin so the trip itself was easy.
As many of you already know, 2011 was the year that changed everything for our family and how we celebrate the holidays.
Nicholas lost his job in mid-November and we decided to celebrate Christmas without Consuming. We borrowed a tree. We canceled our Holiday Open House. We gave gifts of time and energy instead of presents.
In many ways, that Christmas was the best thing that ever happened to our family.
My journey with Christmas began in 2009. Up until that point, Nicholas and I had always traveled to our family’s and spent the holidays in someone else’s home. When Griffin was born, we spent our first holiday season in our own home and it was wonderful. The next year we traveled to Nicholas’s family for the holidays, which was hard, but we still only had Griffin so the trip itself was easy.
As many of you already know, 2011 was the year that changed everything for our family and how we celebrate the holidays.
Nicholas lost his job in mid-November and we decided to celebrate Christmas without Consuming. We borrowed a tree. We canceled our Holiday Open House. We gave gifts of time and energy instead of presents.
In many ways, that Christmas was the best thing that ever happened to our family.
It brought a certain intention to our celebrations. I began carefully examining the all-too-easy excess of the holiday season and realized that you really can say no.
However, much like Jessica’s journey, continuing to cut back began to depress me. Once our financial situation wasn’t as dire, I wanted a live tree. I wanted to open our home for friends and family. I wanted to buy my children presents.
My problem was that I wanted it ALL. There are so many traditions and specific celebrations that are important to me during the holiday season. So, I kept adding and kept adding, while at the same time adding children and familial obligations.
As a result, I spent many a holiday season stressed, overwhelmed, and over-committed.
Jessica had been preaching her “Start planning now!” mantra for a while but I was SO resistant.
First, I thought it was mainly about buying gifts in advance. In my mind, I still had my pre-kid gift list from 2008. It didn’t seem like a big enough deal to spend months working on in advance. (Turns out, when I wrote it all down, it’s a pretty big deal.)
Second, I hated the idea of celebrating Christmas early. I didn’t want to suck the joy from the season by jumping the gun. We ALL enjoy grumbling about Christmas decorations going up in the mall before Halloween is barely over and I didn’t want to be part of the problem.
Lastly, I just couldn’t understand how it would help ME. I love Christmas. It’s not that I wanted to cut back after all and completing tasks beforehand felt like cutting back in a way.
Boy howdy. I was wrong. wrong. wrong.
Last year, Jessica FINALLY convinced me to join the team and pre-plan. So, every month on the 25th beginning in August I would check the Facebook group, watch the video, and see what I could do. Sometimes I wouldn’t do anything. Sometimes I would do a lot.
However, every month what the group did was put Christmas on my radar.
Turns out I had lots of great opportunities to buy Christmas gifts if I was paying attention. My town has a spring arts festival with TONS of amazing gifts. Last year, one of our local gift shops went out of town and I literally purchased all my gifts for under $300. I would never have even thought to buy those presents otherwise.
I also began to realize that there were some Christmas traditions that I love to do BUT that don’t need to be completed during the busiest time of the year. Instead of spending one night late updating Christmas card addresses after returning from a holiday party, I did it in October! I bought my stamps. I had the photos taken. Then, ALL I had to do come December was the part of the process I enjoyed the most - picking the design and sending them!
I realized I love decorating - not making - Christmas cookies with my children. So, in early November, I made all the dough, rolled it out, and stuck it in the freezer. Now, I’m not exhausted by the time it comes to actually decorate.
I also decorated my home in advance - something I swore I’d never do. However, through the group I realized that it is having a decorated home I love come December 1st - not decorating. When I put it off, I spend a few hectic days doing nothing else just to get it all up so we can enjoy it. This year I started a few weeks early and, as a result, was able to craft new decorations I’ve been meaning to do for years.
The other huge change I realized is how I felt overall. I have a tendency to pack my schedule and Christmas was no different. It works great to pack everything in… until it doesn’t.
I ruined FAR too many Christmases by not allowing space and breathing room for things to go wrong. Last year, I dealt with a major lice outbreak. Any other holiday season this would have sent me into a panic because there would have been SO. MUCH. TO. DO. Last year? No big deal. We’ve got time. Broken garage door? No big deal. Broken down CAR? Rolled with that one, too!
PLUS, I realized when I left a little wiggle room in our holidays season by planning ahead I also had more room for things to go RIGHT. The kids want to go see the holiday lights again? Sure! My husband wants to spend a little more time hunting for stocking stuffers? No big deal.
So… if stopping in for a mid-holiday season massage sounds good to you, what are you waiting for! Sign up for our Christmas Comes Early course. You’ll get a personal assessment form so we can help you figure out what works best for YOU. Access to our Facebook group and videos for ideas and accountability. AND daily emails once the holiday season kicks off!
The Secret to my STRESS-FREE Holiday Season
This is a guest post by my dear friend Jessica on an exciting co-venture we're launching!
When it comes to parenting, I get quite a big wrong. My kid eats mostly sugary food for breakfast. He asks for dessert after EVERY meal. Last year, I handmade pretty awesome “Camp Ryan” birthday invitations (complete with old maps cut and folded into envelopes) and then forgot to mail them. And recently, I tried teaching him that if you’re smart, you should probably find other ways to express yourself other than using adult words (i.e. profanity); so now whenever he hears a four letter word, he blurts out, “Mom! That person isn’t smart.”
Oh geez.
I realize these aren’t exactly end-of-the-world parenting failures, but they’re not necessarily things I’m proud of or like to publicly acknowledge.
Luckily, there are a handful of things I seem to get right. Planning for a memorable and less stressful holiday season is one of those things. My type-A personality combined with a history of infertility fuels my passion for ensuring we wring every drop of magic and excitement out of Christmas.
While there wasn’t anything specific that happened, I just remember being very frustrated that the joy of the holidays continually lost out to the rush and stress of this busy season. My initial plan was to cut back. For two years, my husband and I didn’t exchange gifts. Then, I didn’t host any holiday meals or get togethers. Maybe we saved some money and a little bit of frustration, but ultimately, cutting out items moved me even further away from any Christmas joy.
A few years into cutting back, nothing seemed familia
This is a guest post by my dear friend Jessica on an exciting co-venture we're launching!
When it comes to parenting, I get quite a bit wrong. My kid eats mostly sugary food for breakfast. He asks for dessert after EVERY meal. Last year, I handmade pretty awesome “Camp Ryan” birthday invitations (complete with old maps cut and folded into envelopes) and then forgot to mail them. And recently, I tried teaching him that if you’re smart, you should probably find other ways to express yourself other than using adult words (i.e. profanity); so now whenever he hears a four letter word, he blurts out, “Mom! That person isn’t smart.”
Oh geez.
I realize these aren’t exactly end-of-the-world parenting failures, but they’re not necessarily things I’m proud of or like to publicly acknowledge.
Luckily, there are a handful of things I seem to get right. Planning for a memorable and less stressful holiday season is one of those things. My type-A personality combined with a history of infertility fuels my passion for ensuring we wring every drop of magic and excitement out of Christmas.
While there wasn’t anything specific that happened, I just remember being very frustrated that the joy of the holidays continually lost out to the rush and stress of this busy season. My initial plan was to cut back. For two years, my husband and I didn’t exchange gifts. Then, I didn’t host any holiday meals or get togethers. Maybe we saved some money and a little bit of frustration, but ultimately, cutting out items moved me even further away from any Christmas joy.
A few years into cutting back, nothing seemed familiar.
Then, several years ago, I started planning ahead. On the 25th of every month starting in August, I sit down for a few hours and plan out our holiday season. The first year or two were time-consuming; figuring out what needed to be done and how I wanted to spend our time wasn’t easy. I also worried that focusing on Christmas so early in the year might actually ruin things. After all, part of what makes Christmas special is that it only happens once a year for a short period of time.
Truth be told, this organization is what brought the joy back into Christmas.
The main reason is obvious: planning ahead spreads out the tasks and expenses. So, many of the essential tasks necessary to pull off a memorable holiday can be done well in advance. There’s no reason why I can’t update mailing addresses, purchase stamps and print labels for our Christmas cards in early November. These annual snail-mail gifts of friendship were likely the next task on the chopping block if I couldn’t find a way to tackle the holidays so I started with them.
What began with organizing the Christmas card process quickly turned into managing other tasks: toys are purged in October; menus, recipes, and decor for holiday gatherings are finalized by early November; and gifts are purchased and recorded on a list all throughout the year.
An unexpected benefit has been that our family actually adds events to the calendar now. While we’re still establishing a few annual traditions, the planning enables us to more easily accommodate last minute invitations or visit exhibitions that may only be available this year.
Last year alone, we hosted an Elf Party, attended the Garden Glow at the Missouri Botanical Gardens, and I gifted my husband with 12 days of craft beer. Each of these experiences were only possible because I planned ahead and ensured the routine and repetitive tasks were done well before December.
I focus on tasks now and enjoy experiences later.
My worry about ruining Christmas by focusing on it too early was unfounded and the reality has been that I very much relish the anticipation of December because there are so many events and memories to be enjoyed.
Last year, several friends asked me to help them develop their own holiday planning process. Knowing how I was able to turn around our own holiday experience, I was confident I could help others do the same. Seeing the nearly 50 other individuals post about their planning successes was incredibly rewarding. Their organization throughout the fall months paid off in spades come December and seeing their “sitting by the fire, sipping hot cocoa and watching The Christmas Story with my family” posts solidify that this process works.
Their monthly to-do lists varied drastically, but the end result was the same: a more peaceful and enjoyable holiday season.
We're offering an early bird pricing of only $10 before the course begins on AUGUST 25TH!
So, sign up and PLAN NOW FOR JOY LATER!
TEN Advent Calendars in 15 minutes or less
The OFFICIAL countdown to Christmas begins in only a few days! December 1st is a perfect time to begin building anticipation for Christmas Day, but what if you're busy doing the other 1,572 (approximately) things that need to get done before the big day.
Not all of us have the time to hand knit a 25 mitten garland for the mantle or even order the more pricey varieties from Pottery Barn in time for a December 1st arrival.
Never fear! I've rounded up 10 Advent Calendar ideas that you can complete in 15 minutes or less. And guess what? Kids. Don't. Care. They love any kind of countdown, ESPECIALLY if it involves candy. So, pull out that Halloween candy you stashed away and build a little holiday anticipation.
The OFFICIAL countdown to Christmas begins in only a few days! December 1st is a perfect time to begin building anticipation for Christmas Day, but what if you're busy doing the other 1,572 (approximately) things that need to get done before the big day.
Not all of us have the time to hand knit a 25 mitten garland for the mantle or even order the more pricey varieties from Pottery Barn in time for a December 1st arrival.
Never fear! I've rounded up 10 Advent Calendar ideas that you can complete in 15 minutes or less. And guess what? Kids. Don't. Care. They love any kind of countdown, ESPECIALLY if it involves candy. So, pull out that Halloween candy you stashed away and build a little holiday anticipation.
Paper Garland Tree
Image courtesy of Weekend Make and Take.
Image Courtesy of Andrea Dekker.
Image Courtesy of TOMFO
Image courtesy of Ohoh Blog.
Image courtesy of Scrumdillydilly
Image courtesy of Joys of Home
Image courtesy of Kirsty Wiseman Photography
Image courtesy of la classe della maestra valentina
Image courtesy mess for less.
Image courtesy of Hi Sugarplum!
Elf on the Shelf® the EASY way
To have an Elf on the Shelf®? Or not to have an Elf on the Shelf®?
THAT is the real question at Christmastime.
For several years, Griffin was just too young. Then last year he never mentioned it. It was easy to ignore the great Elf on the Shelf® debate. I was ambivalent to an elfish presence in our home. On the one hand, I understood how much fun it was for kids and I knew several friends who openly advocated for the little guy. They said all the hassle was worth the look on your child’s face when searching for the mischievous creature every morning. On the other hand, I wasn’t completely comfortable with the NSA-like surveillance that went with the elf and bribing my kid to be good.
To have an Elf on the Shelf®? Or not to have an Elf on the Shelf®?
THAT is the real question at Christmastime.
For several years, Griffin was just too young. Then last year he never mentioned it. It was easy to ignore the great Elf on the Shelf® debate. I was ambivalent to an elfish presence in our home. On the one hand, I understood how much fun it was for kids and I knew several friends who openly advocated for the little guy. They said all the hassle was worth the look on your child’s face when searching for the mischievous creature every morning. On the other hand, I wasn’t completely comfortable with the NSA-like surveillance that went with the elf and bribing my kid to be good.
Nicholas was not ambivalent. He hated the elf. He argued it stank of consumerism and adding one more “must buy” to a holiday that already involved spending too much money. He rightly pointed out that we already had enough going on every day with our five advent calendars and we didn’t need one more thing to do.
He wasn’t the only one hating on the elf. For every friend that loved it, I had parent after parent tell me they wish they’d never started. One friend exclaimed in frustration, “EVERY night you lay down to go to bed and remember SHOOT! I didn’t move the dang elf!”
So, I was on the fence. Nicholas was opposed.
Then, Griffin asked one simple question over dinner. “How do we get an elf?” His friend William had an elf. The elf did all kinds of silly things when William was asleep and Griffin thought it would be fun to have an elf. So, he asked again, “How do we get an elf?”
We punted and said we’d ask William’s mom. Nicholas was still adamant. We didn’t need an elf. Were we going to cave every time one of his friends had something he wanted? This would have been a valid point… any other time of year. However, Christmas isn’t about consistency. Christmas is a magical time when the rules don’t quite apply and when you have a chance to make your child’s eyes fill with glee, you do it.
So, I decided if Griffin wanted an elf, an elf he would have.
BUT this elf was going to be on MY terms.
First, I would not be purchasing an Elf on the Shelf®. I applaud the idea, but I don’t think they need my $30 and I don’t need THAT elf or THEIR rules to have fun with my child. So, I went to our local home decor store and bought a little elf with wire limbs (I was told this was essential to arranging the elf) for 60% off. Ten dollars later and I was on my way to Christmas wonder. Plus, our elf has little knitted clothes and I’m thinking about changing them up every year.
Second, our elf will arrive ONE WEEK - not one month - before Christmas. I have enough experience with every day projects to know a week is doable but a month is a commitment. Gathering seven elf adventure ideas takes about 15 minutes on Pinterest. Thirty or more ideas is a week long organizational project and while I want this experience for my kids, I am simply not willing to dedicate that much energy to it.
Not to mention, December is an insanely busy month and I know some days I simply won’t have the mental or physical energy to deal with the elf. However, I always find things have slowed down by the final week. The anticipation is building and all the major projects are either completed or abandoned. The perfect time for our little visitor to arrive.
Mommy and Daddy can move the elf with gloves. I explained in our elf’s first letter that, while his magic is fragile, adults can move him carefully if wearing gloves. I just didn’t want the elf dangling from a fishing pole for 24 hours. I also didn’t want Amos, who can’t keep his grubby little paws off my tree much less a cheery little elf, “murdering” the elf every chance he got. So, after Griffin finds him every morning I place him high upon a shelf.
The elf can disappear at any minute. I set this one up so that if we have a particularly crazy day I can skip the elf. I haven’t done it yet and don’t anticipate needing to but I wanted the option either way. Plus, I’d read the horror stories of kids crying all Christmas Day when the elf left so I wanted Griffin to know that was an option from the beginning.
My elf will not be making an appearance on social media. This is a big one for me. I decided I would not be posting the elf’s nightly adventures on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter. I won’t say I’ll NEVER post a single picture but it was important to me that I expend this energy for the right reason. The elf is for Griffin, not to prove what an awesome mom I am. I don’t consciously post anything to impress but I know the science and psychology behind social media and I am not foolish enough to think I’m immune. So, Awesome the Elf might appear once or twice but you won’t see his daily antics in your feed.
We are currently five days into our little elf experiment and so far so good. When the elf first made his appearance in our mailbox, the sound of Griffin gasping as we pulled in the driveway was worth the $10 I’d already invested. Griffin clearly loves his little elf. After making the elf a hand glider and writing him a letter, he told me that when he was grown up and had his own house he would be taking his elf with him.
And really that’s all I want - one more happy Christmas memory he can take with him into adulthood. The time we spend fully immersed in the magic of Christmas seems so incredibly short. If a little stuffed elf can make that time seem better or longer, who am I to stand in the way?
Guest Post: Holiday Safety Made Simple
My favorite child safety expert Pattie Fitzgerald is back with a new book, a giveaway, and tips to keep your child safe this holiday!
Every holiday season I get lots of inquiries from parents, usually with two concerns:
“How do I manage all those tasks and errands with kids in tow?”
“How do I deal with those big family gatherings where there are so many friends, relatives, and kids running around – especially if there’s that one relative I’m not so sure about?!”
When my 16 year old daughter was much younger, I was faced with the same concerns that every parent with young kids thinks about. There’s a lot to distract us (and our kids!) whether we’re at the mall, the airport, or Auntie Barbara’s house for her annual holiday bash.
Here’s what I did – and it worked.
My favorite child safety expert Pattie Fitzgerald is back with a new book, a giveaway, and tips to keep your child safe this holiday!
Every holiday season I get lots of inquiries from parents, usually with two concerns:
“How do I manage all those tasks and errands with kids in tow?”
“How do I deal with those big family gatherings where there are so many friends, relatives, and kids running around – especially if there’s that one relative I’m not so sure about?!”
When my 16 year old daughter was much younger, I was faced with the same concerns that every parent with young kids thinks about. There’s a lot to distract us (and our kids!) whether we’re at the mall, the airport, or Auntie Barbara’s house for her annual holiday bash.
Here’s what I did – and it worked.
- I briefed my daughter on just a couple of do’s and don’ts before we went to the mall, the party, or where ever. I put “safety” into the context of simple rules or do’s/don’ts, which made sense to her and reminded her that other people had to follow the rules, too. I kept it short, sweet, and to the point so I didn’t bore her with long explanations.
- I assessed the different environments ahead of time. Was there an arcade or play area at the mall that might distract her? If so, the check first rule is the one I’m going to focus on. At a party, is there one relative or family friend that gives me an “uh-oh feeling” every time I see them at a family function? Gonna have to monitor that one!
For example, some families have that one relative… yuck! I call ours Cousin Uh-Oh because he blurs boundaries left and right. I won’t bore you with all the details, but suffice to say, he’s been creeping me out since I was a kid, and I don’t want my daughter dealing with him, plain and simple. If he was around, I simply told my daughter “If cousin ___________ wants you to go somewhere with him or gives you an Uh-Oh feeling, just let me know right away and I’ll talk to him.”
More importantly, I made a “note to self” when we got to the party: “Where’s cousin uh-oh/where are the kids?” If he was hanging out with them when he should have been with all of us adults, I said something! In this scenario, it’s my job to be monitoring. I don’t have to act like I’m in the CIA for heaven’s sake, but I do want to keep an open, watchful eye on certain things because it’s easy to get caught up in the festivities.
So, whether you’re driving across town for a shopping trip, headed to the airport or off to grandma’s for the annual soiree, here are some common sense tips to help you navigate through this busy time of year. And remember, use common sense. Most people and places are safe. So, rock those holidays and enjoy!
Holiday Safe-Smarts
Out at the mall or other busy place? Have kids follow the “3 Giants Steps Rule." Kids can only be 3 giant steps away from you at all times. It’s a fun way to get the kids to stay close by especially during boring errands when they’re likely to get distracted or antsy – make it game!
Get smart about getting lost: If your child can’t find you, teach them to look for a mom with kids or ask the cash register person who can make an announcement. Statistically these are the safest strangers in an emergency and can help quickly. Avoid telling kids to find a security guard, uniforms are confusing to little ones and not every place has one.
Child reminder: NEVER leave the mall or store to go looking for you in the parking lot. Let kids know that you’d never go outside to your car without them – no matter what anyone else tells them.
Dress children in brightly colored clothes to help keep them easily visible. You may even want to take a quick picture with your cell phone before venturing out.
If you have a toddler who’s prone to running off or wandering, consider using a cute harness/backpack especially at the airport or huge public places. Kids love them, they’re fun and can give you some peace of mind! PS – Stop worrying, IT’S NOT A LEASH!
“CHECK FIRST” always. Kids should always check with you first BEFORE going anywhere in a public place, including another store, play area, or even the restroom. Check First also applies in familiar settings as well. “Check first before going somewhere even if it’s with someone you know!”
Never leave kids alone at public facilities such as video arcades, movie theaters, play areas, etc. as a “convenient babysitter” while holiday shopping. Kids who are unsupervised are far more vulnerable to “tricky people”.
If you’re comfortable letting an older child (at least 8 or 9 years old) use the men’s room alone, accompany them and as your child enters just call out “I’m right out here if you need me, don’t take too long!” This just lets anyone in there know there’s a mom nearby who’s paying attention. Good deterrent for tricky people! If your child seems to be taking a long time, it’s ok to enter the doorway and make sure they’re ok.
Discuss age-appropriate safety issues with your child in a calm, non-fearful manner. When discussing “strangers”, inform them that it isn’t what a person looks like, it’s what they ask a child to do that makes someone unsafe or tricky. Kids have been known to leave with a stranger because “he seemed nice” or “he didn’t look like a stranger.”
In an emergency, a loud yell is one of the best things a child can do. Teach them to yell out: “I NEED HELP”, “THIS IS NOT MY PARENT”. A loud child calling attention to himself in public is a predator’s worst nightmare.
Always teach your child, they’re the BOSS OF THEIR BODY. Their private parts are private and not for anyone else to see or touch, especially when you’re at parties or other gatherings. It’s okay to say “Leave my body alone!” to anyone, even a bigger kid or a grownup.
Pattie Fitzgerald is a certified child safety educator and children’s visitation monitor. She is the founder of www.safelyeverafter.com , and has been featured on hundreds of radio and television news programs, as well as in magazines and periodicals throughout the United States. Her children’s curriculum is now used in classrooms throughout the country.
For more child-friendly ways to talk about personal safety, check out Pattie Fitzgerald’s books for kids: No Trespassing – This Is MY Body and Super Duper Safety School.
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