An Open Letter of Apology to my Firstborn

I feel like every month another open letter of apology makes the rounds on Facebook. The letter is written to the second or third child and is a tongue-in-cheek apology by an overwhelmed momma for all the things she DIDN'T do this time around. 

There were no prenatal yoga classes or germaphobic protections taken. There are no baby books filled with mementos or perfectly planned outfits. Instead, the "poor" second or third child is subjected to boisterous siblings and lack of 100% supervision.

I hate these letters.

I hate the implication that the "good" moms are the first-time moms who can bend over backwards to meet every unrealistic expectation of motherhood we place on ourselves from the moment we pee on a stick. 

I call shenanigans.

I will not apologize to my second (or soon-to-arrive third) child. They are not worse off because I don't obsess about their clothes or every germ they encounter. They are not worse off because I don't focus 100% of my attention on them. I am a better mother now then I was five years ago. Period.

However, I WILL unapologetically proclaim I am a MUCH better mom than I was the first time around - precisely because of the stuff I no longer do. I've let go of perfectionism (which is apparently the key to parental happiness). I'm more spontaneous and have more fun with my kids. I have learned more about child development and positive parenting. I've learned a lot in the past five years and it shows and I'm not embarrassed to say so. 

If anyone deserves an apology, it's my firstborn who still suffers the steep learning curve his father and I encounter at every major milestone. 

---

My dearest firstborn son,

Your babyhood is seared into my memory. It was transformative in a way I could never imagine. We spent so much time together you began to feel like an extension of my body and I can't imagine starting this journey with anyone but you. However, the journey wasn't always easy and I think I owe you an apology.  

I'm sorry I focused so much on your stupid sleep schedule. Some of my worst moments as a mother were trying to get you to take a nap that first (and second... and third year). I yelled. I cursed. I cried. Or I left you crying. It seemed so important at the time. You NEEDED sleep. What you didn't need was a crazed lady screaming at you to sleep. I'm really, really sorry about that.

I'm sorry you spent so much time with adults. I'm an only child and daddy's family lived far away so there weren't a lot of cousins. Plus, I hadn't perfected the art of mommy friends yet so you spent a lot of time as the center of adult attention. I wonder now if that's why you're such a serious kid. I suppose the world needs all those responsible firstborns to keep things running smoothly but I worry sometimes I robbed you of some of the silliness of childhood.

I'm sorry I fed you all that bland baby food - even if it was homemade. Your little brother ate what we ate from the get-go and, as a result, he seems to have a much more adventurous palate. For months, you ate nothing but unseasoned sweet potatoes and carrots and peas and any other vegetable I could fit in my Beaba Cooker. I'm really sorry for that. I'm hoping one day you overcome your fear of spice and learn to embrace your culinary wild side.

I'm sorry for dragging you to every stupid baby activity I could find before you could even sit up. Truth be told, I was desperate for adult interaction and you were an easy excuse. 

I'm sorry for all the over-zealous discipline. We spanked. We yelled. We doled out way more than our fair share of time outs. Daddy and I were rookies. That's the truth. We hadn't yet learned the subtle art of choosing our battles and adjusting our expectations. You took the brunt of that and I'm so so sorry. 

I'm sorry that you still carry the burden of our learning curve. You'll be the one we figure out how to manage homework with ... and curfews.... and college applications. I have loosened my grip on being the "perfect" mother but I still feel the pressure of all those firsts with you. 

You see I want to get it RIGHT precisely because I've messed up so much in the past with you. I feel like I owe it to you. You gave me the greatest gift possible. You made me a mom. In the most intense way possible, YOU are my baby.

That's a lot for one kid. I know that. I'm sorry. 

Thank God for your siblings.

Love, 

Mom

5 Ways We Beat Head Lice

I didn't think there was a limit (unless imposed by my husband) to what I would share on social media. Turns out I was wrong. There is and I discovered it the second week of December.

Griffin was sent home with head lice.

If you follow me on social media, you saw nary a word about the incident. 

Both boys had been itching for several days but, when a cursory look over their head didn't reveal anything, I just figured it was dry scalp. In reality, I didn't know what I was looking for.

Griffin had it. Amos had it. I had it. 

(Take a moment to shudder. It's cool. I get it. I can wait.)

Immediately, Nicholas and I did what we do best. RESEARCH! I learned there are a lot of myths about lice.

We took what we learned and spent all day tackling the lice. I'm proud to report Griffin went back to school THE NEXT DAY and got a clean head check - as did Amos. I was cleared by my beautician as well. 

What I'm saying is I brought down THE HAMMER on that lice and here's what you need to know.

Forget the pesticides!

For one thing, the current scientific knowledge is that most lice are resistant. Even the most effective pesticide takes days (or weeks) to work, so if you want your child back in school then waiting for a pesticide to work isn't realistic. Plus, I couldn't have used them if I wanted to because I'm pregnant and if a chemical is too toxic for me and my growing baby - not sure I want do douse my preschooler and kindergartner in it anyway.

Don't obsess over your house.

Lice cannot survive off a human host for longer than 24 hours. Wash the obvious things - sheets and pillow cases and stuffed animals - and vacuum your couch well. However, do not waste time and energy obsessively stripping and cleaning every surface in your house. 

DO obsess over your child's head. 

There is one way and one way ONLY to truly get rid of lice and that is to kill the louse and remove their eggs (called nits). PERIOD. Now, there are easy ways to do this and hard ways to do this but it has to be done if you don't want to be back in the same position two weeks later. 

Start with this treatment to kill the louse.

We used the Nuvo Method for Head Lice to kill the actual bugs and it worked like a charm. We followed the directions EXACTLY and repeated the treatment once a week for three weeks as instructed. Now, this treatment says you don't need to remove nits to kill the lice but you DO need to remove nits to go back to school hence my next advice.

PRO TIP: Use Cetaphil SKIN Cleanser not FACIAL cleanser. The skin cleanser is cloudy. The facial cleanser is clear and is IMPOSSIBLE to comb out and blow dry into the hair. 

BUY THIS COMB. BUY IT NOW. SERIOUSLY. RIGHT NOW.

The best way end head lice is to get rid of the louse and their nits and KEEP them out. If there is a better way to do that then combing them out one by one, I haven't found it and neither has the internet.

Here's the rub. There is basically ONE comb that does this effectively - as in catches on the nit and pulls out the hair it's attached to. Otherwise, you are left to pull the little buggers off with your fingernails. That comb is The LiceMeister® Comb and (with few exceptions) it is only available online.

Because you have time during a lice outbreak to wait a couple of days for the comb to arrive in the mail!

After using our fingernails, we finally received The LiceMeister® Comb in the mail and - true to its word - it removed the actual nits. It's amazing. It works. You will need to comb through your child's hair morning and night for two weeks to assure the lice are gone so you might as well use the best comb to do it.

Nicholas keeps threatening to buy The LiceMeister® Comb in bulk and start handing it out at birthday parties.

Just trust us. Buy it. If you don't ever need it, GREAT! But if you DO, you'll thank us for already having it on hand.   

Constant. Vigilance. 

I found four nits on Griffin the evening he received a clean head check at school. I found five on Amos. I found one single nit on Amos ONE WEEK LATER.

The lesson?

Do your best Mad Eye Moody and maintain CONSTANT VIGILANCE. Check those heads in the morning. Check them in the evening and keep checking them for TWO WEEKS.

What's your best advice on treating head lice?

A Resolution I Make Every Year

I was cleaning out my junk drawer - a thankless task that always reveals the less flattering aspects of my life I'd rather keep hidden. Projects neglected. Maintenance forgotten. Guilty pleasures stashed away. 

This time was no different. The first one I pulled out I didn’t think too much about. Then there was another. And another. And another. AND another.

Five little bubble containers. There were five of the little bottles given out at birthday parties and stashed in holiday gift bags.  There was a little red one topped with a snowman. There was a little yellow one with an Easter egg stamped in to the plastic. A turquoise one. A blue one. A green one. 

Every one of them taken from pleading little hands and stashed away. “It will make too big of a mess,” I’d say as Griffin begged to be allowed to blow bubbles. “You’ll just spill it everywhere,” my frowning reply. How many times had I stopped him as he tried to open the container? How many times had I talked him out of one of the easiest and purest of childhood joys?

I’d put them in the junk drawer with the intention of pulling them all out when it was time to blow bubbles. But when is it really time to blow bubbles? Never in my life have I penciled in “blow bubbles” on to my weekly schedule. Blow bubbles never makes a to do list or an activities calendar – at least not mine. Even when I create time in our schedule for “play” it’s the flashy activities of the season that get all the attention. We build a snowman. We run in the sprinklers. We fly a kite. 

Meanwhile, the bubbles were forgotten. An entire year’s worth of small moments missed because I kept putting them off for another day. 

Well, not this year. 

This year I resolve to blow more bubbles. 

These amazing little creatures that inhabit my life are so like bubbles themselves. Beautiful and slightly magical. A little messy. And oh so very temporary. Already I can feel them leaving me. Griffin will be in five-day-a-week preschool next year and then it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to kindergarten. Pop! Amos leaves behind another symbol of babyhood every day. Pop! Pop! Pop!

So, while they are still here …while they are still little, I’m going to soak it all up. It is so easy to get busy and forget that my children aren’t just passengers as I run errands and complete projects. Often, I tell myself they are the reason I try so hard. I want to make money to buy them the things they need. I want to create a house they love being in. I want to be a person they can admire. And as important as all that is, they are not only a source of must-do’s in my life. They are also the source of joy. But joy doesn’t just come from scheduled activities. In my experience, I feel it most profoundly when I stop to enjoy those everyday moments that come and go so quickly. 

Like blowing bubbles in the middle of breakfast or on the way to the mailbox or while we’re waiting for Daddy to get home.

Plus, bubbles make those moments so very easy. I don’t know why for so long I saw blowing bubbles as a messy chore. There is no prep. There are no special outfits. The thin film of soap left behind just makes my next cleanup that much easier.  I only have to pull out one of these tiny little containers and watch Amos’s eyes fill with glee as Griffin giggles and smiles. 

And I try to soak it all up before these moments are gone.

Pop!

This post first appeared on Salt & Nectar. 

Is your child racist?

Photo Credit: Lennart Tange via Compfight cc

Recently a friend of mine shared an incident involving her son that left her extremely upset. Her young son had innocently expressed a preference in playmates based on the color of another child’s skin. My friend was horrified and wondered where he had gotten the idea that we would judge one another based on the color of our skin.

I absolutely understood her reaction. No parent wants his or her child to express racist attitudes or stereotypes. However, the reality is that racism pervades our society and children – while maybe not tactful – aren’t stupid and are perceptive. They understand that race is important. So important in fact, that the adults in their lives don’t often talk about it and when they do they tiptoe around the subject.

Now, I wish I was smart enough to have come to this realization on my own. In actuality, I read a book several years ago that changed almost everything I thought about parenting and child development and PARTICULARLY affected how I felt about children and race.

In 2009, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman wrote an amazing book called NutureShock: New Thinking About Children. The authors cover a variety of topics including the myth of praise and why kids lie, but one of the most revolutionary topics that got a lot of press at the time is why white parents don’t talk about race.

In a Newsweek cover article entitled “See Baby Discriminate”, the authors specifically addressed a 2006 experiment at the University of Texas by Birgitte Vittrup involving 100 white families with children 5 to 7 years old. The experiment was set up to address the fundamental assumption that children are “colorblind” and, if we don’t point out race as something important, they won’t see it.

So, what happened?

“They wanted their children to grow up colorblind. But Vittrup’s first test of the kids revealed they weren’t colorblind at all. Asked how many white people are mean, these children commonly answered, “Almost none.” Asked how many blacks are mean, many answered, “Some,” or “A lot.” Even kids who attended diverse schools answered the questions this way.

More disturbing, Vittrup also asked all the kids a very blunt question: “Do your parents like black people?” Fourteen percent said outright, “No, my parents don’t like black people”; 38 percent of the kids answered, “I don’t know.” In this supposed race-free vacuum being created by parents, kids were left to improvise their own conclusions—many of which would be abhorrent to their parents.”

— NutureShock excerpt

The study goes on to explain that many white parents specifically instructed to discuss race with their children failed to do so. When questioned by the researchers, they admitted they simply didn’t know what to say.

Also, the authors found that additional research called into question another basic assumption about children and race, specifically that raising children in a diverse environment – so often held out as the gold standard among parents – created racially tolerant kids. Again, not so much. In fact, the more racially diverse the environment the more likely the children were to self-segregate.

Knowing all this, I have tried to discuss race openly and honestly with Griffin. However, I am the first to admit that is an incredibly difficult task. I wonder when I should bring it up. Should I wait until the occasion arises naturally? Or should I create conversations myself? I worry I will say the wrong thing or confuse him. I worry I will unconsciously pass on my own prejudices to him.

However, I was recently reminded how much I see the “burden” of this discussion through my own experience and how vastly more challenging this is for parents of other races. I realized how my central concern was that my white child not be perceived as racist.

I hadn’t even considered how these attitudes change the perception of children of other races.

I was listening to This American Life (shocking, I know) and the theme of the episode entitled “Is This Working?” was discipline in school. The first act began with the story of Tunette Powell and her son’s disciplinary problems in preschool. Tunette is black and had been a problem student in her youth. She worried that she had passed along her bad attitude to her children, despite all her best efforts to avoid exactly that. That was until Tunette attended a birthday party and heard story after story of white children in her son’s preschool acting much worse and receiving less harsh punishments.

Loathe to play the “race card,” Tunette began doing her research, as had some social scientists that This American Life interviews, and the results were disturbing.

According to the Department of Education, black children make up 18% of preschoolers but they make up 48% of preschool children suspended more than once.

Preschoolers.

Maybe it’s because I have one child that recently graduated from preschool and one currently in preschool, but that statistic left me in tears. Suddenly, my focus on how my white child perceived his black classmates became a much smaller part of the bigger picture of how black children are perceived and how they perceive themselves.

Griffin and I talk a lot about shame and guilt. We talk about how it is fine to feel guilt for something you did that is bad. However, it is NOT ok to feel shame that because of what you did you ARE bad. It is a discussion that always leaves me emotionally raw because I can’t imagine anything worse than my child feeling shame.

The thought that I would be in a constant battle against an entire system – even with a system with good intentions – that is teaching my child every single day that they ARE bad breaks my heart.

One of my favorite quotes regarding race is from novelist Chimamanda Adichie's Ted Talk "The Danger of A Single Story (which you should stop and listen to right now). She says, 

“The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.”

The complicated "story" is that many of the black children in Griffin’s kindergarten class will act up more in class.  However, due to a variety of societal problems I am not smart enough to solve – problems like poverty, lack of educational and economic opportunity, and other problems inextricably tied up with the racial history of this country - the story can't begin and end with that child's behavior.

And how the hell am I supposed to explain that to a five-year-old?

Just like so many other seemingly impossible subjects we have to teach our kids about – things like sex and money and mental illness and religion – it’s really, really, really hard.

But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

Do you talk to your children about race?

P.S. Being racist v. Being a racist

"The Perfect Mother" and Self-Compassion

I would never have described myself as a perfectionist. My house is frequently cluttered. My desk is covered with projects and reminders and stray papers. My kitchen floor is filthy.

For the longest time, my desktop was giant colorful graphic proclaiming "DONE IS BETTER PERFECT." That creed is not empty words to me. I believe it. I don't let perfection slow down my desire to complete a project. Perfectionism is paralyzing, as I would often lecture other people.

No, I was not a perfectionist.

Except...

I've recently realized that perfectionism is a deep, deep river that flows far beneath my attitude towards my house's cleanliness or craft projects. Just because I'll publish a blog post with typos or slap together class treats that are far from Pinterest-worthy doesn't mean that perfectionism doesn't affect me. 

The perfectionism that haunts me is far more insidious and harmful.

I want to be the perfect mother. 

When I look back, I can see the seeds of this perfectionism take root when I decided I wanted to move back Paducah to raise a family. I was asking Nicholas to give up so much. I was pushing us to change our entire lives. I had to make my case that the stakes were high enough to justify the level of risk we were taking on.

For months, I made the same argument. We were bringing a human being in to the world. We had to do it RIGHT. This little baby wasn't being asked to be born. So, it was our duty to him to give him the best life we possibly could. 

He had to have grandparents in his life. He had to have a community. He had to have good schools. Most importantly, he had to have parents that could BE THERE for him. Parents who didn't work all the time. Parents who could come to school programs. Parents who had real weekends to read stories and play games and go to the park.

And I still believe that. 

I know moving to Paducah was the right decision for our family. However, I see now that pushing so hard for this vision of "perfect parenting" created a voice in my head that speaks loudly and clearly to this day. 

Every. Single. Day. 

I'm constantly striving to please that voice. Are the boys watching too much television? Are we reading enough books? Are they eating enough fruits and vegetables. Are they sleeping enough? Are we disciplining enough? Are we being too hard on them?

Am I doing it RIGHT?

I don't want to silence this voice completely. I firmly subscribe to the Jacqueline Onassis school of parenting. She once famously said, "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much." I couldn't agree more.

Raising your children should be taken seriously because it is a serious thing. I will never stop reading and researching child development and parenting techniques. I will never stop trying to improve. I want to be the best possible mother I can be. My children deserve that.

However, striving for the best and striving for perfection are too different things. My perfectionism comes from a deep desire to control things. If I can control my environment, then I don't have to acknowledge the deep vulnerability at the heart of raising another human being. 

Erma Bombeck once described parenting as the decision to let your heart walk around outside your body. That is a truly scary prospect, but I can't change it or control it. I can perfectly portion my children's television consumption. I can feed them the most perfectly balanced meals ever created. I can read developmentally appropriate books while supervising mentally stimulating crafts ALL DAY LONG and it wouldn't matter. 

The journey I've chosen to take as a mother is fundamentally chaotic and beyond my control. That lesson came crashing down hard over my head earlier this year when I lost our baby. The voice in my head was loud and unapologetic.

I had ONE JOB - to carry that baby - and I had failed. I had failed as a mother. 

On a certain level, I knew how illogical I was being but the voice was crystal clear and truthfully it was only a matter of time before that voice got out of control. Since perfectionism is unattainable, I set up an unachievable standard for myself. And let me tell you, I was mean about it. I didn't realize how little self-compassion I had until I was describing these thoughts to my therapist.

"You're pretty hard on yourself, aren't you?" she replied.

I started crying, which is basically a big old fat "YEAH KIND OF."

I've also realized the harder I am on myself the harder I can be on those I love the most. After all, I'm beating the crap out of myself over here trying to be perfect so why can't you STEP IT UP!?!

But you know what? My perfectionism is NOT my husband's or my mother's or my best friend's problem. Plus, insider tip, being a judgmental nag isn't exactly the best way to motivate people... at least not in my experience. 

Beyond the adults in my life, what am I teaching my children? If the whole point is to create the best lives for my children possible, do I think they will do as I say or do as I do? It is heartbreaking to me to imagine the harsh voice in my head ever inhabiting my children's lives.

So, I'm trying to let go of the perfectionism and be kinder to myself. I recently discovered the work of Dr. Kristin Neff, who has made self-compassion her life's work. If you have a few minutes, I highly recommend her TedX Talk.

She also has a great website where you can take a self-compassion quiz. My score was NOT great but that's ok. Gotta be compassionate about it! Plus, I'm working on it. She also offers lots of great tips and advice on how to be more self-compassionate. 

One of her suggestions is to talk to yourself as you would a dear friend. I've thought a lot about that. Some of my dearest friends have suffered miscarriages or lost pregnancies. I would NEVER say to them the things I say to myself. Heck, I never even thought these things in relation to them. So, why the heck am I being so hard on myself?

For me, it all comes back to a toxic mix of perfectionism and a desire for control. I'm trying to let go of that. I've recently been reading about the Buddhist principle of detachment. It doesn't mean that you detach from action or desire. It means you detach from the results - from the things you truly can't control. 

That seems particularly relevant to parenting. 

In the end, all we can do is all we can do, then we have to let those little beings walk away ... even if they have our hearts in their hands. 

Do you struggle with perfectionism?

P.S. Grief and the choices we make it.

4 Reasons Kids Don't Need Cake

Photo Credit: Theresa Thompson via Compfight cc

A school district in Boone County, Kentucky recently received a great deal of media attention. There were no new test scores or viral videos or even school violence. No, the school board got a lot of attention for a new rule.

While revising the district’s wellness policy, the Boone County school district decided to ban food from birthday celebrations.

That’s right. No more cupcakes. No more ice cream. No more frosting or sprinkles or icing.

And, let me tell you, people are in an UPROAR.

Here’s delightful sampling of some of the opinions our local NBC station’s Facebook page:

Post by WPSD-TV.

The opposition seems to have a couple common complaints.

“Let kids be kids!”

I’m not even sure what this means. Childhood is not synonymous with sugar. Happiness and fun and memories are often linked to food but they don’t require it.

I promise you my sons’ memories of Disney World will not revolve around the meals but rather the experiences. Sure, the Dole Whips were delicious but the fun we had riding rides, seeing shows, and laughing together far outweighed any temporary sugar rush.

Birthdays – at EVERY age – can be celebrated without sugar. In fact, I’ve written before about my concerns that too often we use sugar to celebrate whether it be an important milestone or good behavior. I don’t want to teach my kids that the only way to mark a happy occasion is with a sweet treat.

Happiness doesn’t require sugar and a lack of sugar doesn’t mean unhappiness.

Kids are way more resilient and creative than we give them credit for, so the idea that a lack of sugar is some type of “punishment” sells them very, very short. If you’ve ever seen a child play with a cardboard box, you understand what I mean.

“It’s lack of exercise that’s the REAL problem.”

Is the lack of physical activity among today’s kids a problem? Absolutely.

However, we will not even BEGIN to tackle childhood obesity without also seriously altering our nation’s diet – especially the consumption of processed foods high in sugar.

The recommended daily sugar intake for children in preschool and early elementary school is 3 to 4 teaspoons. The average 4- to 8- year old consumes FIVE TIMES THAT AMOUNT IN A DAY.

I don’t care if your child is doing jumping jacks from dawn to dusk consuming that much sugar is a problem. It’s a problem that has to be addressed on every level - at every meal, snack, and – YES – special occasion.

“It didn’t kill me!”

This one is my favorite lines and I hear this often when I express any opinion that is a shift from the traditional knowledge on raising a child.

First of all, I’m aiming for a smidgen higher than merely keeping my kids alive.

I’d like them to not merely survive – but thrive! In almost every area of health, we are failing. We are one of the sickest, overly-medicated, fattest countries on the planets and our kids are expected to be worse off than us.

I know serious change is hard but serious change is what is required if we want to improve our children's future.

”This is all the government’s/Michele Obama’s fault”

The Constitution does not assure you or your children the fundamental right to sugar. I’m sorry. It just doesn’t.

When the federal government decides to use scientific evidence to change the dietary requirements of school lunches, they are WELL within their rights. When you participate in the public school system, you accept that you will not have total and complete control over every aspect of your child’s life when they are inside the walls of the school.

Believe me, I don’t always like that either but I also have to accept that deep, deep down I don’t always know what’s best for my child. I am not expert in elementary curriculum or early childhood education or how the hell you feed 50 5-year-olds in 20 minutes.

And you know what? I don’t want to be.

So, I say "Go for it, Boone County!" Your new rule is a step in the right direction and I hope other school districts follow your lead!

P.S. Why I hate public playgrounds.

What do you think? Should birthday cake be sacred?

Check out our discussion on Facebook.

Post by Sarah Stewart Holland.

The Best Advice for visiting the Magic Kingdom with Small Kids

Here are the lessons we learned from our first visit to Disney World's Magic Kingdom with a 5-year-old and 3-year-old!

We've just returned from our first family trip to Disney World and we had a blast! After months of planning, I have to say our day at the Magic Kingdom was indeed magical and I'm here to share all our tips, tricks, and advice. 

Click here for our complete itinerary. 

Don't get sucked in. 

First and foremost, don't get sucked into the Disney machine. When we first started planning, I felt all this pressure to DO. DISNEY. I had to stay on site! I had to spend the entire week visiting all the parks! I had to get the dining plan! I had to call at 6am six months in advance to book all the character meals or my children's vacation would be RUINED!!!

Then, I took a deep breath and calmed the heck down.

I know many people believe on taking vacations "for the kids." I'm just not one of them. After all, I have a job. My kids don't. I actually need a vacation and I had no desire to spend my much-needed vacation trudging all over Disney World.

For our first trip, we decided one day was plenty and that Magic Kingdom had the most to offer kids our boys' ages (and heights). 

Do your research.

Buy The Unofficial Guide to Disney. It's the Bible of Disney planning and there's a reason for that. This massive tome contains the best advice for visiting every Disney resort, park, restaurant, and ride.

The best part? The guide also contains touring plans with step-by-step schedules for how to see the best each park has to offer depending on how long you are going to stay and how old you are.

The book recommends linking up to touringplans.com to customize your touring plan and - at first - I was skeptical. I wasn't sure I needed a paid service for just one day.

I was wrong.

I strongly recommend touringplans.com. You can create highly customized plans based on everything from how fast you walk to when your fast passes reservations are. This website was how we were able to visit 23 of the Magic Kingdom's most visited shows and rides in only one day with barely any waiting in line. 

Full disclosure: I had a lot of problem with the site's app while we were at the park but I still think it was worth it. I do recommend printing your customized plan just in case. 

Make ALL your reservations up front.

So, turns out, "the make your reservations 180 days in advance" thing IS important, especially if you want your kids to experience a character meal (aka meet and greets with their favorite Disney characters during the meal). After surveying the character meal options, we decided to go to the Ohana's Best Friend Breakfast because my boys LOVE Lilo and Stitch.

I also decided to reserve the character breakfast for the morning after our day at Magic Kingdom 1) so I didn't eat into our touring time and 2) to extend the magic a big longer. 

My mistake was I stopped worrying about reservations after we had the character meal booked. I should have made our reservation for dinner at the park 180 days in advance as well, especially since there were seven of us. We ate breakfast and lunch outside the park but it would have been nice to have had dinner plans right as we were needing a break.

Instead, we ended up winging it. Our meal at Columbia Harbour House was fine but I think a dinner at Be Our Guest would have been better!

Build the excitement

I love a countdown. Nothing builds the anticipation like counting down the days until a trip.

After surveying Pinterest suggestions, I knew I wanted to include watching movies the most popular attractions were based on, making autograph books and other crafts, as well as easy activities like Disney coloring pages and online games.

Then, I had a BREAKTHROUGH!

Who said I had to assign a particular activity to each day? I always hate doing that because you inevitably end up with a complicate and time-consuming activity on a day when you have a mere five minutes to spare!

So, I color-coded the activities instead! 

Blue = Less than 15 minutes activities including previewing a ride on YouTube or printing a coloring page.

Red = Watching an attraction-related Disney movie

Yellow = Longer, more involved activities and crafts 

Can I tell you? It worked like a CHARM! We got our Disney shirts made, our autograph books decorated, and every Disney film watched while excitedly counting down the days to Disney!

The Day Of...

• Get there an hour before the gates open. This is not a joke. First, you beat the crowds on some of the most popular attractions. Second, they do a little show and a countdown and it is so much fun!
• Rent a stroller and attach a balloon. Unless your child is upper elementary school, the walking will most likely be too much so the stroller is a lifesaver. The balloon helps you find your stroller in the parking zone AND your party in a crowd!
• Take. The. Break. The Unofficial Guide recommends taking a 3 hour break in the middle of the day to eat lunch and rest. They are the experts for a reason. Do it. 
• See the Festival of Fantasy parade. The Main Street Electric Parade is awesome and see that as well but I think the daytime parades are a little forgotten. We stumbled upon it as we returned from our break (around 3pm) and I'm so glad we did! 
• FastPass+ strategically. I'm still not an expert on this system but luckily there are people who are. 
• I read several tips that recommended bringing your own light up necklaces to avoid paying for Disney's $12 fanciness. I hate to burst your bubble but nothing purchased at the dollar store can hold up to Mickey's finest light-up stick. Amos was unimpressed and ended up with a Mickey stick from the cart. 
• Get the Dole Whip! It's worth it. I recommend a mid-morning snack instead of mid-afternoon when the line is LONG.
• Other than the essential Disney ears (and aforementioned light-up stick), we were able to avoid souvenir purchases. We packed so much fun into the day we really didn't have time. Instead, we went to one of the nearby Orlando Premier Outlets and purchased our souvenirs at a discount! 

The Big Hits with the Hollands

We truly had a magical time at the Magic Kingdom. There wasn't a single ride or show that that was disappointing. However, there were some that were BIG hits with our boys. Amos loved Peter Pan's Flight and Under the Sea - The Journey of The Little Mermaid (also my favorite!). I think for preschoolers anything that closely recreates the film is the most entrancing and both of these rides do an excellent job. Griffin loved the Dumbo playground (not to be confused with the actual ride) where you wait until it's your turn to ride Dumbo. So, word to the wise, don't waste your FastPass here because the waiting area is half the fun. He also laughed. his. butt. off. at Mickey's PhilharMagic (also Nicholas's favorite). 

Overall, I really couldn't have asked for a better day. No meltdowns. Little whining. Lots and lots of fun and magical moments that left me on the verge of tears.

My friend Amy says every kid should take a trip to Disney around kindergarten and I have to agree. Griffin was the perfect age to enjoy the Magic Kingdom. For Amos, we're considering a Disney Cruise. Then, for the finale with baby #3, we might go all in for the week at Disney. There's no way we could cram in fun for the big boys and baby in one day and there'd still be plenty of time for mom to rest by the pool!

As we were leaving the park (at midnight!), Griffin and I were discussing how no one had more fun that day at Disney than we did. He looked up at me with a smile.

 "Thanks, Mom, for planning this awesome day!"

And THAT, my friends, was worth every penny and hour spent!

What are your best Disney tips? 

Post by Sarah Stewart Holland.

Falling Leaves Craft on The Happiest Home

Two years ago, I shared one of my favorite fall crafts on one of my favorite blogs The Happiest Home. To celebrate the beginning of autumn, I thought I'd share it here as well! 

It's a GREAT kid's craft with all things kids love - mainly making a "mess" with paint and paper! Only this time, the mess in channeled into an adorable craft!

We’ve all seen various handprint trees on Pinterest. However, on a recent visit to my best friend’s house I noticed a new twist on this old falling leaves craft stuck to her refrigerator door. My friend’s son has special needs and his awesome behavioral therapist Heather had added “falling leaves” (in a clear, sealed plastic bag – no mess!) and taken this traditional tree to a whole new level.

I knew immediately it would be a huge hit with my three-year-old son Griffin and we tackled it as soon as we got home.

First, we painted our hands red, yellow, and orange and made hand prints for the leaves of the trees.

Next up, we made the “falling leaves.” Heather had died pasta red and yellow to create her leaves. However, I am not as creative as Heather (read: I am lazy) and decided to harness my son’s mess-making ability by letting him tear and cut up little pieces of construction to make his leaves.

While he was making the falling leaves, I cut out our handprints and two basic tree trunks out of brown paper. My son helped me glue the handprint leaves to the tree trunk and then we taped them to the front of a clear ziplock bag.

He then put all his “falling leaves” in the bag and VOILA! two beautiful autumn trees with leaves falling down in between.

My son loves making the leaves “fall” over and over. I loved making a fun and easy craft that took less than 30 minutes and required no special supplies!