My thoughts on the Duggar sex abuse scandal

Let me be clear from the beginning. I have never liked the Duggars. I remember watching their first couple of specials when they were still 14 Kids and Pregnant Again! and their particular brand of wholesome never sat well with me. 

I don't believe God uses miscarriages to communicate his dislike of birth control. I don't believe God sends daughters first to help take care of the sons who come later. I don't believe a woman's hair is her "glory" or that modesty is important not to "tempt" men. 

I don't believe a lot of these things. I also don't begrudge Michelle Duggar's right to subscribe to this particular set of beliefs. To me, feminism means choice. If you want to vacuum every day in pearls like June Cleaver, go for it! Just don't tell me - or your daughters - they have to.

The hard truth about the Quiverful and other fundamentalist Christian belief systems is obedience is built into the foundation. You can't allow your children to explore lifestyles and belief systems outside your own if you believe God requires strict adherence.

With the recent admission by Josh Duggar that he sexually abused young girls, we see that the implication of the Duggar's adherence to strict fundamentalist principles goes FAR beyond restricting their daughter's education or children's lifestyle choices. 

Libby Anne of the blog Love, Joy, Feminism does an excellent job of discussing why basing one's sexual ethics around religious law has dangerous repercussions for victims of sexual assault in her post Josh Duggar and the Tale of Two Boxes.

She states: "Progressives do not have ethical or moral problems with premarital sexual intercourse—but they very much have a problem with child molesting. To conservatives this can look like an inconsistency—even hypocrisy—but it’s not. Progressive sexual ethics center around consent. Sexual contact that is consensual is okay. Sexual contact that isn’t consensual is not okay. And because children below a certain age do not have the necessary understanding and lived experience to be able to consent, child molestation is de facto nonconsensual. 

There are all sorts of problems with putting any sexual contact outside of marriage in the same category. For one thing, victims of sexual assault, including children, may end of feeling that they are in some way guilty of what happened—after all, sexual contact outside of marriage is considered sin. For another thing, a teenager sexually molesting children may be treated as a similar offense to a teenager having consensual sex with his girlfriend."

Elizabeth Smart, abducted as a child and raped during her nine-month captivity, has openly discussed how her fundamentalist upbringing - which emphasized purity and sex inside marriage - made her feel worthless after being sexually abused.

"I think it goes even beyond fear, for so many children, especially in sex trafficking. It's feelings of self-worth. It's feeling like, 'Who would ever want me now? I'm worthless.'

That is what it was for me the first time I was raped. I was raised in a very religious household, one that taught that sex was something special that only happened between a husband and a wife who loved each other. And that's how I'd been raised, that's what I'd always been determined to follow: that when I got married, then and only then would I engage in sex.

After that first rape, I felt crushed. Who could want me now? I felt so dirty and so filthy. I understand so easily all too well why someone wouldn't run because of that alone."

I grew up in a conservative Baptist church that emphasized sex inside marriage. I signed a True Love Waits card and remember vividly the youth minister's wife telling a story about how she wanted to give a dozen roses (representing her sexual purity) to her husband on their wedding night and how would he feel if she slowly gave each rose away to another man?

I was lucky to have a mother who conveyed a more honest and realistic message at home but I still internalized the message that my virginity was my worth. My favorite phrase was, "I can be like you whenever I want but you can never be like me again." I felt special. I felt valued. 

I cannot fathom what sexual abuse would have done to me in that state of mind. In fact, I had the exact opposite experience. I did have premarital sex and NOTHING bad happened. 

Nothing.

Not a broken heart. No hurt feelings. I didn't get pregnant or get a scary STD. I didn't have so much as a pang of regret. I had sex outside marriage and everything turned out just fine.

And it STILL left me feeling angry.

I felt lied to. I felt like I had spent my entire adolescence being sold a bill of goods. I was told sex was dangerous and scary and only belonged inside marriage. I have friends who waited until marriage and found it incredibly difficult to flip and switch and treat sex as this beautiful thing when they'd spent their entire lives avoiding it. 

This is why I left my conservative sexual ethics behind. This why my children will be taught progressive sexual ethics - based around mutual respect AND CONSENT.

This is also why I never liked the Duggars. I wish I wasn't right. I wish the worse that happened to the Duggar girls were missed opportunities and frustrated dreams but so often that is not the case inside fundamentalist environments. 

I also want to say that I do not believe villanizing Josh Duggar or his family is the answer. While he should absolutely be held responsible for his heinous acts, pedophilia is a mental disorder and the longer we cast those who have it as monsters the longer they will hide in shame and not feel safe asking for help. 

I have never liked the Duggar family but I have no desire to see them suffer. We can honestly discuss the beliefs they espouse and the repercussions of the current scandal without making them two-dimensional characters undeserving of our empathy.  

However, the two-dimensional characters they portrayed on television must come to an end.

It was NEVER as simple a family with a bunch of kids. NEVER. Just like it was never as simple as rich housewives or duck hunters with long beards or a sharp-tongued mom with eight kids.

Extreme beliefs and lifestyles make for great reality television, but the reality is not so great for those left behind after the cameras stop rolling.

Are you a fan of the Duggars? What do you think of the current scandal?

Baby products I'm trying out for the first time

On a stroll in our Britax B-Agile 3.

Recently, I stopped by News-3 This Morning to talk about baby products I'm STILL using five years later AND baby products I decided to upgrade or try out for the first time with Baby Felix. I like to think that after three kids I'm savvier consumer and can spot the products that will really make a difference in my life - as opposed to the ones with empty promises. 

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Britax B-Agile 3

After five years, I decided it was time for a stroller upgrade. I loved my previous stroller, but I knew that there had been a ton of improvements in stroller engineering that I wanted to try out.

I started by checking out the newest edition of Baby Bargains (the baby products BIBLE) which had high praise for the Britax B-Agile 3. I also talked to several friends who loved their Britax B-Agile 3. If you want something lighter, check out these Umbrella Strollers.

The biggest selling point for me was the one-hand quick fold. My old stroller came in two pieces and was a pain to get in and out of the car. This baby collapses in second EVEN with the car seat adaptor still attached. It's lightweight, has a reclining seat, and a huge canopy. I've been using it daily since Felix was born and I'm so happy with it.

Britax is giving one lucky reader a B-SAFE 35 car seat!

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The next thing I knew I wanted to upgrade was our diaper pail. I absolutely hated the pail we had before. It was stinky and hard to use. And yet I didn't want to give up on the idea of a diaper pail altogether.

I had been intrigued by the Ubbi diaper pail since it came on the market a few years ago. The idea of steel pail that wouldn't soak up the smells like plastic made since to me and I like the fact that you can use your own bags. I also discovered Ubbi made cloth diaper liners, which was a revelation after using a regular trash can for my cloth diapers in the past. In fact, I've been using the Ubbi primarily for cloth diapers and think it's a great fit for that purpose.

My closest friend recommended I also try out the Dekor Plus. This baby holds a TON of dipaers and has a hands free design which is incredibly "handy" in the messiest of situations. It also can be used with regular trash bags, as well as having a cloth diaper liner. However, because the Dekor Plus holds so much and contains the smell so well I've found it works really well for disposable diapers.

UBBI World is giving away one UBBI pail to a lucky reader!

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Boob® Nursing Wear

I had ONE nursing dress with Griffin and Amos and I about wore that piece out. It was the only one I could find at the time and I was desperately hoping there would be more options this time around.

Boob® to the rescue!

This company has been around for a while but has greatly expanded their offerings in recent years. They have cute stylish options in all styles for all seasons. The best part is that many of the items you can wear while pregnant as well. The B.Warmer Dress became one of my staples during the colder months and now that it's turned warmer I'm wearing the heck out of the Simone. 

I know for a FACT I have nursed in these dresses and people around me had no idea what I was doing. They offer great access without feeling like you are either showing your breast or your stomach. In fact, when I'm wearing one of their designs, I don't even bother with a nursing cover!

What new baby products do you want to try?

What to do when your child fails

I became a mother six years ago and I'll always remember one of the first truths my own mother told me about raising a child.

The second you figure your child and a particular phase out - the second you think "I got this!" - they change. 

I should have known kindergarten was going a little too smoothly. Despite my own misgivings about the beginning of elementary school, Griffin handled it well. We quickly established a morning routine that worked well for our family. Except for the occasional hunt for a rogue shoe, we have breakfast without too much yelling or prompting. There were never any tears or separation anxiety at drop off. We tackled homework easily and only had one day where Griffin went beyond "yellow" or a single warning for bad behavior. Most days he was on "green" for good behavior and seemed to sincerely enjoy going to school. 

In full disclosure, Griffin's kindergarten teacher is one of the best. She is warm, fun, and stays cool and calm at every turn. She also happens to be one of my dearest friends so we were more than a little bit spoiled on that front.

Between the great teacher and drama-free days, I had JUST started to pat myself on the back for a successful year. 

That was stupid. 

In my smugness, I had forgotten that about 40% of the drama-inducing events in elementary school are packed into the final few weeks of kindergarten. This month alone we have had a field trip to Land Between the Lakes, spring sports day, and the talent show.

The field trip was organizationally stressful but went great. Spring Sports Day was a bigger ask because my eldest child isn't exactly athletic. He basically woke up crying and I had to get my ribbons from my own elementary school days to show him that happiness could come in life without being good at potato sack races.

I actually wore one of my participation ribbons that day, which kept him smiling and giggling when he only got one ribbon himself. 

Then came the talent show.

At first, Griffin was a firm no. He did not want to participate. He did not want to sing. 

Fine. No skin off my back. 

Then, the form came back and "storytelling" was mentioned as a talent. Now, my son is not athletic and he is not a musician but my son IS a storyteller. Since he was old enough to say the word story, he has either been asking for stories or telling them himself. I mentioned that he could tell a Harry Potter story as his talent.

He was psyched.

I thought we would need to spend some time formulating the story but one day on the way home from school he basically told the entire story in one try.

"Every wizard has a wand. Every want has a story..."

I swelled with pride. I couldn't believe it. I suggested he add a small part explaining phoenixes but that was it. Over the next week or so, I would make him practice in front of different groups of adults and he always did great.

We even asked our library storyteller (and local legend) Ms. Retta for advice. She told him not to worry too much about everyone in the audience because he was giving them a gift. He was giving them a story.

I cried.

At Griffin's school, the talent show has several rounds. You perform in music class to advance to the semi-finals. Then, you perform for all the specials teachers and your own grade to advance to the finals. I asked my mommy advisors who reported that almost all kindergarteners make it through, as long as they are prepared.

Well, we were prepared!

Griffin made it through to the semifinals and we came to watch. Erma Bombeck once famously said that having children is making the decision to let your heart walk around outside your body and I have never felt the truth of that statement more profoundly than when I watched my son tell his story on stage.

He was nervous and made a few missteps but every time took a deep breath and continued on. He was wonderful. His classmates cheered. I cried (again). His face beamed with pride.

Honestly, I never even considered that he wouldn't make it through.

To my mind, he was a kindergartener who wrote an original story and then recited it on stage. His talent was unique and difficult for his age. I couldn't imagine that he wouldn't be rewarded. Plus, there were only a handful of kindergartners and I assumed they would all go on to the finals.

Well, I was wrong. I found out later that evening - despite his assurances that he had made it through - that was he not selected for the finals.

I was absolutely heartbroken. I cried (noticing a theme here) and went more than a little momma bear. Why did we need to reject kindergarteners!?!? Wasn't there enough losing at Spring Sports Day? We had to tack on some more! 

I even emailed the teacher in charge of the talent show and seriously considered emailing the principal.

I'm not exactly proud of these instincts. In that moment, I felt like I had failed my child by encouraging him to sign up for an experience for which I don't think he was (or needs to be) emotionally prepared. It's easy to say kids need to learn to lose and learn to deal with rejection but DANG! when it's your six-year-old in tears NEXT year seems like a fine time to sign up for that lesson.

We told him and he cried and I cried (yes, again). The universal advice was to stay calm and not get upset in front of him. However, my gut told me to be honest with my child because that's all I really can be. So, I told him I was just as upset as he was and that I thought the teachers made a really bad decision. I told him that the talent show seemed to be more about music and that maybe they didn't really appreciate storytelling. 

My favorite moment was when Nicholas looked at our son and joined me in throwing the parenting rulebook out the window.

"I'm not going to tell you you can do a better job next year because I think you did a great job this year." 

Griffin immediately calmed down. Instead of trying to talk him out of being upset, we sat with him and told him we were upset, too. We didn't try to fix it and I honestly think that helped more than anything else. We talked about how J.K. Rowling was rejected 12 times before a publisher accepted Harry Potter. We talked about that creating art is the most important thing you can do and that you can't let people stand in your way.

We talked about how he had given the gift of his story and that's what mattered.

He is fine. His best friend at school (who made it to the finals to which Griffin responded, "I'm glad he made it. He's the best kindergarten singer.") reported that Griffin was handling his rejecting like "a champ."

In other words, he's handling the next stage of childhood just fine. He learned that unfair things happen. He learned that moms and dads get upset. He learned that you can face rejection and come through the other side.

I wish the same could be said for me. 

I put my heart up on that stage and it took a serious beating. Recently, I told a friend that I think my strong personality gives the impression that I'm tough and, in certain situations, I suppose I am. However, I have an incredibly thin skin when it comes to rejection and - I've learned - basically no skin at all when it comes to my KIDS and rejection.

Tackling your kid's next phase when it only involves sleep regression or teething is a cinch. Tackling the next phase when it involves facing your own personal insecurities and emotional minefields is another thing altogether.

I had always assumed that it would be me shepherding my kids through each new and exciting phase of growing up. Turns out Griffin gave me more than the gift of a story up on that stage.

He taught me that sometimes my heart will be limping behind while he shows me the way.

Top 5 Pregnancy Must Haves

From podcasts to bras, these pregnancy products will help make your pregnancy easier and even fun.

We've spent a lot of time recently talking about baby products (the good and the bad) but I have a TON of pregnant friends right now so I thought I'd take a step back and talk about the products that helped me survive pregnancy.

1.  Leachco Back 'N Belly - Contoured Body Pillow  I could write this entire post about my pregnancy pillow - "Ode to a Pregnancy Pillow" by Sarah Stewart Holland. I LOVE this pillow. I'm convinced it is the reason I avoid 90% of the back and hip pain that plague my pregnant friends. I also think it's the reason I wake up only once a night (to pee, of course) until the baby's arrival. You might be tempted to get a body pillow that only supports one side of your body. DON'T. You want the full wrap around style. Your husband might regret it but you never will.

2. Pregtastic Podcasts  Pregnancy can sometimes be a lonely endeavor, especially if you don't have any close friends who are also pregnant. All you think about or want to talk about is being pregnant, which usually can't be said about your husband, childless friends, or coworkers. That is why I love Pregtastic. Every podcast features pregnant panelists who ask the questions you are wondering about and share the worries and anxieties all pregnant women face. They also all come back after their babies are born to share their birth stories.

Sadly the show stopped being produced in 2012 but that doesn't mean it's still not an excellent resource for all pregnancy, birth, and baby information. If you find yourself totally overwhelmed by the stack of baby books on your bedside table, this is an excellent (and less stressful) way to take in all that information. I still think their breastfeeding series is one of the most helpful resources out there for the new breastfeeding mom.

3. Baby Bargains  Oh, the dreaded baby registry. It seems like something that should be fun (picking out free stuff!). It's not. It's high pressure and overwhelming. Don't believe me? A simple search for "stroller" on Amazon turns up 8,550 results. How the hell is a hormonal pregnant woman supposed to decide? Because as much as you want to tell yourself it's just a stroller, in your weaker moments choosing between Chicco and Combi feels like choosing between Harvard and Yale. Your child's future is at stake here!

Well, Baby Bargains to the rescue! Most baby books offer generic (and less than helpful) advice like "Pick a stroller that fits your lifestyle." Gee, thanks. Baby Bargains provides actual reviews and ratings of the actual products. I haven't recommended this book to a single pregnant woman who didn't end up with a tabbed, dog-eared copy she described as her "Bible."

4. Sara Holliday: Prenatal Yoga Series   We all know how good prenatal yoga is for you. However, not everyone has access to good prenatal yoga classes or the motivation to add one more thing to her schedule. I also never liked how most prenatal yoga classes mixed women from all trimesters in the same class. My favorite thing about this DVD is each trimester has its own workout. They range in length from 35-45 minutes and are more than doable a couple times a week. I notice such a difference when I skip a week. When I practiced regularly, my body feels less sore and stiff and I feel more relaxed and less anxious overall.

5. Majamas Organic Easy Bra  There comes a point in most pregnancies where an underwire bra is simply no longer an option. I loved this bra because it is comfortable and super-soft. The best part is you can use it as a nursing bra after the baby arrives.

This post contains affiliate links.

What were your pregnancy essentials?

Diagon Alley-Themed Harry Potter Birthday Party!

I love throwing over-the-top birthday parties. I LOVE Harry Potter. And I love my son. 

Put these three things together and you've got yourself one heck of a Diagon Alley themed Harry Potter birthday party. 

I don't know if it's more accurate to say this all started when I read Harry Potter, when I introduced Griffin to Harry Potter, OR when my amazing friends Barbara and Dawn decided to throw a Harry Potter themed Halloween party and basically BUILD Diagon Alley. Either way I the stars aligned and we were able to take their backdrops and create one heck of a magical party!

We started the experience with "owl delivered" acceptance letters to Hogwarts for each attendee complete with an original piece of Harry Potter artwork by the birthday boy.

Once the day of the party arrived, we were hoping for sunshine but got lots of rain. Turns out rain isn't so bad to create British ambiance and my dumpy garage works pretty well as the location for Diagon Alley!

We had it all from Flourish & Blotts (complete with wizarding text books) to Potages Cauldron Shop to the Leaky Cauldron. Of course, first the kids had to stop at Gringotts Wizarding Bank to pick up some money!

Then, it was off to the Leaky Cauldron for pumpkin juice or polyjuice potion (aka Hawaiian punch and dry ice).

Then, we made our way to Ollivanders to paint our wands with "dragon blood" and "phoenix feathers."

Next up, everyone was sorted into the four houses by picking a house color out of the sort hat and then receiving their house tie!

We attacked a "dementor" piñata and played pin the scar on Harry. 

Then, it was time to pass through to Platform 9 3/4 and take the Hogwarts Express to Hogwarts for the great feast! Our feast was laid out on farm tables from Flower + Furbish which were perfect!

We made Griffin's birthday cake look like the cake Hagrid brings to Harry upon their first meeting. I then proceeded to give the children every form of sugar I could manage from chocolate frogs to "cauldron creams", from licorice wands to pumpkin pasties and golden snitches. 

It was a truly magical day.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Themed Baby Shower!

In celebration of Chocolate Chip Cookie Day, I thought I would share photos from Amos's baby shower. Chocolate chip cookies are my favorite food. Plus, incorporating Famous Amos cookies made the theme perfect for mom and baby!

Top 5 Most Disappointing Baby Products

Since I recently shared the baby products I'm STILL using after three kids, I thought I'd flip the script and share the products that I quickly abandoned.  Trust me. No matter how inventive and useful they seem in the store—take my advice and skip these products.

1. Snuggle Nest

Oh, Snuggle Nest I had such high hopes for you. In fact, my entire strategy for the first few nights of Griffin's life revolved around this product. We would just swaddle him up, plunk him between us in the Snuggle Nest, and enjoy hours of uninterrupted sleep. Clearly this would work—look how happy the people in the picture are!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry. Needless to say, Griffin wasn't that interested in the Snuggle Nest and slept much better snuggled up next to me. Even if he had loved the thing, Nicholas and I were both miserable because you really need a California King in order to have room for two adults to sleep comfortably AND fit the Snuggle Nest. (Please notice the happy photo parents aren't actually sleeping.)

Now, in this product's defense, we ended up using it when he was a few months older and sleeping in his own crib. When he was still swaddled and wouldn't move that much, we'd put him to sleep in the Snuggle Nest whenever he was congested and the incline helped him sleep a great deal better.

2. Squirt Baby Food Dispensing Spoon

This little product seemed like the smartest idea I'd ever seen when I first encountered it. You put the food in the spoon! Baby doesn't grab at the jars! Less cleanup! Except, there isn't really less cleanup. You still have to get the food in the jar. The spoon doesn't quite hold a full jar and I could never talk myself into pre-loading the spoon so I'd have it ready. Not to mention, I made a lot of Griffin's baby food from scratch and it was always a little too chunky for the tiny hole in the spoon. At the end of the day, a bowl and spoon worked just fine.

3. Boppy

People are pretty passionate about the Boppy, especially breastfeeding moms. So, I was excited to add this highly touted essential to my nursery. Only one problem. I NEVER used it. I used the My Brest Friend pillow for breastfeeding (my love for his product is a post in and of itself) and the Boppy basically never saw the light of day. I know some people use it to prop their baby up but I'm not sure that's really worth the $40 price tag.

4. Adiri BPA Free Natural Nurser

A bottle shaped like a boob! Genius! These bottles came out a few months before Griffin was born and I couldn't wait to get my hands on one. I ended up getting one free from a friend who said her son hated it. I figured that was just a fluke. They had to work!

Sadly, not so much. I found the bottle leaky, difficult to clean, and Griffin was not a fan—and this was not a picky baby when it came to food. He did much better with the plain old Medela bottles. Go figure.

5. Newborn Gowns

I remember one registry recommendation list suggesting you have at least seven of these gowns on hand when the baby came home. They were supposed to be easy to use—no waistband to irritate the umbilical cord or deal with in the middle of the night when changing diapers. It all seems so logical, except by the time Griffin fit in the gowns (I could never find smaller than 0-3 months) his umbilical cord was long gone and he kicked so much the gowns always ended up bunched around his waist.

Are there any baby products you found disappointing? Was one of my disappointments one of your favorites?

Baby products I'm still using after 3 kids

Recently, I stopped by News 3 This Morning to talk about baby product I'm still using five years after the birth of my first son. These are the products I've carefully packed away and pulled out to use with Amos and again with Felix because they are JUST. THAT. GOOD.

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Amos swaddled in his brother's Aden + Anais swaddle blanket. 

Aden + Anais Muslin Swaddle Blanket

These swaddle blankets were new to the market way back in 2009 when I had my first son. He was a summer baby so I thought they seemed like a great option for the warm weather. 

I used them ALL. THE. TIME.

Then, I used them with Amos. Now, I'm using them with Felix and they still look brand new. They don't seem to stain. They don't even wear. They've just gotten softer and more wonderful.

Now, since then Aden + Anais has greatly expanded their product line and I was psyched to try the burpy bibs®, which is a burp cloth that then snaps around the neck for a bib! I'm also really loving Aden + Anais snap bibs. 

Aden + Anais is giving away a 4 pack of their classic swaddle blankets to one lucky reader!

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Snug & Tug Swaddle Blanket

I use Aden + Anais blankets all day and then Snug & Tug blankets all night. My boys are big and there are VERY few swaddle blankets from which they can't escape. I bought the Snug & Tug on a lark when Griffin was a baby and used it every. single. night after he was born.

I'm not saying they never ever sneak a little hand up and out the top but it's very rare. 

If you're a swaddler, I can't recommend the Snug & Tug highly enough. 

Go Mama Go Designs is giving away a Snug & Tug swaddle blanket to one lucky reader!

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Trumpette Socks

I realize novelty socks are a funny thing for a mother of three to be endorsing but hear me out. Trumpette socks are adorable and come in a wide variety of styles but they are carefully packed up and handed down to each of my babies for one reason.

THEY STAY ON.

Babies kick and squirm and Trumpette socks are the only socks I've found that stay on those little feet through all that movement. 

I absolutely love them.

Trumpette is giving away one pair of My Little Cupcake socks and a set of Ballerina socks! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Baby Felix sleeping peacefully in his swing.

Duet Soothe Swing + Rocker in Cascade

Look, I BELIEVE in holding a baby as much as you can. However, I also believe in occasionally taking a shower and meeting the most basic needs of my other two children. A great baby swing makes that possible. 

I'm a HUGE user of the baby swing. In fact, I've already burned one up. However, I was happy to replace it with the Duet Soothe Swing + Rocker in Cascade from Graco. Graco is the undisputed leader in baby swings and for a good reason.

This swing has all manner of fantastic options but - after 3 babies - only one matters to me. It PLUGS IN. The first swing I had ran on batteries and I was constantly replacing batteries in the most acrobatic of positions to prevent the baby from waking up once the swing stopped.

I LOVE THIS THING.

Graco is giving a Duet Soothe Swing + Rocker in Cascade to one lucky reader!

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A few items I didn't have time to talk about but that I also LOVE: the Puj bath tub which is perfect for tiny, slippery infants, My Breast Friend for those of you planning to nurse, and the Moby Wrap which is the best option for baby-wearing early on. 

What are you must have products?