Stop Waiting. Start Staining... Plus a giveaway!

This is what it looks like outside my house right now. It's raining cats and dogs which isn't exactly prime DIY weather. See that playground in the background being soaked to the core? It really needs to be restained but between waiting for it to be completely dry and then remain completely dry for 16 hours afterwards... well, there's a reason it's never getting done.

Enter Olympic MAXIMUM® Stain + Sealant in One with WEATHER-READY™ application. 

Now, you can stain damp wood, which is then rain-ready 8-12 hours after application. Mother Nature is no longer in charge of your DIY plans. You're not at the mercy of precipitation or temperature because Olympic also offers a wider range of application temperatures from 35 F to 90 F... and we reach 90 pretty quickly around these parts.

And speaking of these parts...

The Olympic MAXIMUM ® WEATHER-READY™ stain truck is making its way across these parts RIGHT now with stops today in Clarksville (a little over an hour south of Paducah!) and then on to Knoxville before hitting North Carolina. They are attempting to break the  standing Guinness World Record for the “largest paintbrush mosaic,” while also providing Lowe’s shoppers and guests with interactive demonstrations of Olympic Maximum stain.

Oh! AND Olympic is giving away a $100 Lowes Gift Card to one of y'all!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received a $150 Lowes Gift Card and Olympic Maximum Stain in exchange for writing this post on the blog. All opinions are my own.

"Boys will be boys."

Last night, I laid in my hotel room and cried. I let Donald Trump’s ugly words wash over me and the stress I’ve been feeling for months as this race stretches on and on and I cried.

I cried for every friend I’ve had tearfully confess that she had a secret and then share the heart-wrenching details of her sexual assault. I cried over the fear I’ve felt every time I’ve had a man yell sexually explicit things at me on the street. I cried for the people I know – people I believe to be well-meaning good people – who defended Trump’s words and used words like “boys will be boys” and “that’s how it is.”

I cried for Daisy and Audrie, whose stories I had watched a few nights before. I cried for every girl and woman out there witnessing this national discussion and having their own wounds re-opened and exposed.

I cried for my boys. I cried because being their mother can seem like such a daunting task sometimes that I wonder if I have the strength.

You see I realized something as I watched people defend this man’s vile heinous language. I realized why I had been passionately fighting with my own family about rape culture over the past few months.

Because when you say “boys will be boys”, you mean my boys.

You’re implying there is something dark and carnal lurking deep inside my little boys. The ones I cuddle and hold tight. The ones who hold my heart in their grubby little hands as they run and jump and smile wildly up at me. “I love you, Mommy.”

You’re saying that they will grow up and become men and become capable of taking something that does not belong to them, of breaking it, of destroying it.

I am capable of accepting a lot of things about motherhood. I am capable of facing the vulnerability inherent in this endeavor. I can face the lack of control. I can face the frustration and the bittersweet grief. I can even face the inherent risk of losing them forever.

But I cannot and will not accept that deep in their core lurks a rapist.

Of course, there is another underlying presumption when people say “boys will be boys” – when you blame the victim for the fact that she was drinking or flirting or being sexual.

It’s that the boys aren’t dark and sinister for taking because you can’t take what already belongs to you.

I’ve seen it a million times in men who look at me and comment on how I look or how I walk or how I act. You can hear it dripping in every word Donald Trump says on that tape.

You are here for my enjoyment. You have no value outside of what I assign to you.

I laid in my bed and wept because these are the impossible choices available to me as a mother of three young boys in 2016. Believe that my children are capable of rape based solely on their sex OR believe that I have no value because of mine.

There is something dark and cruel lurking deep within but it's not deep within my boys. It's deep within all of us if we continue to support a culture that assumes men are driven to terrible things because they are men or that women deserve terrible things because they are women. 

Culture always wins, but culture can change. 

We can change. 

Stitch Fix: Month Three and My Summer Capsule Wardrobe

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5 for 5, baby!

My Stylist NAILED it this month! I got the adorable maxi dress you see above - that fits like a DREAM. A lightweight short sleeve tee JUST as I was thinking I needed a short sleeve shirt to wear that felt a little more formal. A denim blazer that fits perfect (finally!) and goes with the dress from my first shipment and blouse from my second (which I've been wearing the heck out of) AND looks awesome with the adorable split neck blouse shown above. 

I also got this pair of shoes, which I LOVED. Unfortunately, they were too tight. No big deal! Emailed Stitch Fix and they're sending me the next size up. 

HOLLA!

I'm feeling very good about the state of my summer capsule wardrobe. I currently have about 15 tops and 13 bottoms. I'm not counting church dresses or work blazers, but I feel like that's ok.

Next, I'm going to send my stylist some very specific requests. After putting my capsule wardrobe together (with a little KonMari thrown in for good measure), I realized I need some lightweight layering pieces for cold AC moments and better shorts.

For years, I never wore shorts but chasing three kids they have become a necessity. If my stylist can find shorts I love, well then we will KNOW Stitch Fix is the real deal!

KonMari Your Phone

Y'all. I think I might have cracked the code.

Lately, I've been REALLY struggling with my phone, especially Facebook. I'd find myself mindlessly scrolling through my newsfeed when there were so many other things I could be or needed to be doing.

It had gotten so bad I'd thought about setting a special code for the app but that required ANOTHER app and I wasn't up for that. I tried moving it out of the easy reach of my thumb. I tried turning off notifications. 

Nothing worked.

Come 11pm there'd I'd be laying in bed mindlessly scrolling.

I was JUST about to take a friend's advice to set Guided Access every time I opened the Facebook app when I read an article in the New York Times entitled Read This Story Without Distraction (Can You?) that lays out the case for single-tasking. This bit in particular caught my eye.  

““It’s a digital literacy skill,” said Manoush Zomorodi, the host and managing editor of WNYC Studios’ “Note to Self” podcast, which recently offered a weeklong interactive series called Infomagical, addressing the effects of information overload. “Our gadgets and all the things we look at on them are designed to not let us single-task. We weren’t talking about this before because we simply weren’t as distracted.””

The idea that single-tasking is a skill to be developed really appealed to me so I immediately signed up for the Infomagical series. I can't recommend the entire series enough but it was on Day Two that I learned one thing that changed EVERYTHING.

On Day Two, they teach you how to KonMari your PHONE.

When the host first announced the day's challenge, I actually exclaimed, "OHH!" 

We all know I love me some Marie Kondo and her KonMari method. Why hadn't I thought to apply to my digital life!?! 

The process is simple. You hold down the apps until they do that little jiggle dance. Then you go app by app and decide which app sparks joy... just like Marie Kondo recommends you do with your physical objects.

THEN - and this is key - you put every single app in one folder on your home screen.

Christopher Mims, whose article "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up – Digitally" inspired this exercise, explains why this is important.

"By putting all of [your] apps into folders, you can search for them by name. What happens is your device becomes task-oriented, instead of the place [where] you go to be like, 'OK, what do I need to do next?'"

This was an A HA! moment for me immediately because this is what happened to my television viewing when we cancelled cable. No longer could I just turn on the TV and let it (or my DVR) lead me where I wanted to go next. Now, I have to decide what I want to watch so I can go find it on Netflix or Hulu or Amazon.

No joke I went from watching 1 to 2 hours of television a night to 1 to 2 hours of television a WEEK.

This approach made sense to me so I immediately KonMari'd my phone.

Every app (except my camera) into one folder.

Literally, five times within the first few hours I would click the home button habitually only for my thumb to drift up to... nothing. I'd realize there was nothing to mindlessly click, abruptly realize what I was doing, and shut down my phone.

I can't overstate the impact of that. I've tried so many times get control of my digital habits but it is difficult because I can't simply go cold-turkey or delete Facebook because of my work. Now, I have an ACTUAL solution that changes my behavior instead of depending on my will power.

It feels like a new day!

Do you struggle with information overload? Show me pics if you KonMari your phone!

Enneagrams and Strengths Finder: Why I love self-exploration

Y'all. I've fallen down a personality test rabbit hole. 

I'm currently working my way through Tsh Oxenreider's Upstream Field Guide. It's an eight-week self-paced course to help you better understand yourself, unearth more of your purpose, then use your wisdom to make a plan so that your life makes more sense.

I'm REALLY enjoying it. (Side note: The course is currently included as part of this super awesome Ultimate Bundle which is half the price of the course alone.)

As part of the second session, Tsh recommends that you find your Enneagram Type and complete the Strengths Finder Assessment to help you better understand yourself, your values, and what types of actions to take moving forward.

I'm a total junkie for self-growth and self-exploration - obviously since I'm taking this course so I was ALL. IN.

The Enneagram Assessment is a model of human personality which is basically structured around nine interconnected personality types.

I've always been a tad intimidated by it. It seemed overly complex (says the person who loves Myers Briggs) but the actual test was simple and easy.  I'm basically a 1 with 2 wing. That's a fancy way of saying I'm a Perfectionist who leans heavily towards giving. 

One site described it as a Servant-Leader.

“Among the liabilities for One-wing-Twos is that they can be perfectionistic, impatient, emotionally constricted, judgmental, inflexible, and intolerant. Furthermore, they can fail to match up to their own high standards in any number of ways. ”

(Shifts uncomfortably in seat because it's a little too dead-on.)

Also, it's Hillary Clinton's type. 🙌

Apparently, Ones have a big problem with anger and feeling defective. I realized reading so much of this that anger is my go-to emotion much of the time but that - as a woman - I don't feel allowed to feel angry. I'd never really thought about that before, which is why I LOVE personality tests and the self-examination they can prompt.

I also completed the Strengths Finder assessment. (You have to buy the book to get a unique code for the assessment.) Strengths Finder is a little different than a classic personality assessment. The idea is that leaders aren't "well-rounded" but that they play to their strengths instead of fixing their weaknesses. 

What I'm realizing is that as a Type One I'm prone to the idea that I must constantly improve my weaknesses instead of just embracing my strengths.

My Strengths are Input, Intellection, Strategic, Woo, Ideation.

In a nutshell, I love to take in a lot of information. My mind is ALWAYS going. I like to find creative solutions. I can work a room like nobody's business. And I love ideas and making connections.

Because I'm always wanting to "improve" I think for far too long I've beaten myself up for not wanting to focus on one thing, for being turned off by traditional approaches, and loving new ideas and new information.

Finally, I'm beginning to realize through a lot of self-exploration - from personality tests to therapy - that at almost-35 (gulp) I am who I am. I'm not going to work my way into another personality. I'm not going to wake up one day and enjoy having a boss or climbing the ladder at a traditional 9 to 5. 

I CAN wake up every day and be a little better version of myself than I was the night before by embracing my strengths and weaknesses - by working with both instead of fighting who I am.

It might seem silly that an online test can help me understand something as intensely personal but the paradox of personality is that learning how we are like others can help put our unique attributes in perspective. It can help us learn how others deal with similar challenges and what ideas and approaches worked for them.

It's just one more tool in the toolbox of growth and awareness and who doesn't love that?

What do y'all think about personality test? Anyone want to share their Enneagram or Strengths!?!

Community > Stress. Absolutely.

I wrote this post in 2011 for Salt & Nectar and it is still so, so true. The only things that have changed are my floors (now clean thanks to the Roomba!) and our food scene, which is super-exciting!

So, here’s the thing. I’ve got stress. Law school loans out the ying yang and other financial concerns. Career conundrums paired with zero free time to address aforementioned conundrums. Baby weight, potty training, sleep deprivation, a kitchen floor that is filthy ALL the time. I’ve got stress.

But community? Community. I’ve got in SPADES and I’m not going to lie—it makes everything in the previous paragraph seem totally and completely manageable.

First, I live down the street from my parents. Both of my grandmothers and several members of my extended family live in the area. I can honestly only name one time that Griffin was babysat by someone he was not related to. I can’t put into words how grateful I am for my family’s presence in my children’s lives. Not only because it makes my life so much easier but because these relationships will form the basis of who they are as individuals in a real and positive way.

Now, I understand this is not a reality for so many. However, I do resent the implication that I am “lucky” to have this arrangement. I am not lucky. I gave up a lot to have this life and I convinced my husband to give up even more. I argued that our lives as parents and their lives as children would be better if we lived near family. I still believe I was right.

BUT, I do truly believe that community is not composed solely of family. I have an amazing group of friends in Paducah. Some of my friends I’ve known since childhood and we just continued relationships that have existed for years. However, some of my closest friendships were formed because I encountered a fabulous woman at yoga/a party/church, marched up to her, and said, “Let’s be friends.” Literally. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. But either way – after two years back in Paducah—I now have an awesome network of girlfriends that I can go to for support and encouragement.

My family is amazing. My friends are fabulous. But when I was thinking of my community and why it plays such a positive role in my life, it really went beyond just my inner circle of support. My community is also the town I live in and the culture it perpetuates.

Living in a small, Southern town isn’t always easy. There isn’t a lot of diversity. My politics don't always align. I wouldn’t exactly call the food scene exciting. But I live in a place that values children and values community.

People around here LOVE kids. Perfect strangers will stop and dote on my boys as if they were his or her only grandchildren. The first thing someone asks you upon meeting isn’t what you do for a living (or worse WHO do you work for). They ask if you have any children. Then, they want to know their names, ages, and if you have any pictures. It is a wonderful thing to feel like your children are an asset in your community instead of a burden.

More importantly, I feel like people around here value the role of community in children’s lives. “It’s a great place to raise kids” isn’t just a trite refrain. It’s the truth and I know that because I grew up here. In some ways, I feel like Paducah was my third parent – supporting me, protecting me, giving me opportunities to succeed. It wasn’t perfect (what parent is) but I couldn’t have asked for a better foundation.

I just didn’t realize how truly important that community was until it came time to have children of my own.

Stitch Fix: Month Two

My second Stitch Fix is here! I absolutely loved everything in the box. My stylist was on point ... Maybe a little too on point actually.  

I'll explain.

First, I love this bag... so much I already own one VERY much like it. (Side note: Fount Leather is ARTWORK and I don't leave the house without a million people complimenting it. Get you one.) Now, this one is reversible (which is ten kinds of awesome). Alas, Nicholas wasn't convinced this was enough of a reason to own two such similar bags and I agreed. 

LOVED this blazer and it looks so awesome with the dress they sent me last month. Unfortunately, it's too big. That's probably my fault because I haven't updated my sizing since I lost a little bit of weight recently.

I love a good chambray shirt. So much I already own one! (Noticing a pattern?)

NOW, this one was a keeper. I've been needing a blouse to wear under jackets as I get more and more dressed up for campaign events. I love the color. I love the detail. I love that you can dress it up or down!

So, even though I'm only keeping one item, I'm still really happy with Stitch Fix. Nothing felt way out in left field and I was happy with the styling and options provided. Time to countdown the days until my next box!

The Time I Cried To Get Into A Pool

Since I’m at the peak of my reproductive years, I always have about nine friends who are pregnant at any given time. No matter where I am, one of them is there. With her swollen belly, she insists she is the biggest pregnant woman to walk the earth. I smile. I promise her I was bigger…MUCH bigger. She smiles—sure I’m just trying to make her feel better.

Then, I pull up this picture on my phone.

I tell her about the time I cried due to my belly so I could swim in a hotel pool.

You see, a belly that size makes you do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do. My aunt used to insist Griffin was sitting with his back to my back and his feet sticking straight out. It was enormous. It was heavy. It was pushing me to my brink.

Towards the end of my first pregnancy, I knew I couldn’t carry that belly one step further (or for one more loop around Surplus City). Everyone had told me going swimming was the best. thing. ever. You felt weightless! You could actually breathe! It sounded like heaven.

The only problem was in early May it was too cold to swim outside. Even as miserable as I was, I wasn’t looking for the polar bear plunge. I knew an indoor pool was my only option. We had just moved back to Paducah and the only places I could think to go to in my hormone -induced stupor were hotels.

There were about five national chains lined up next to each other near my house so I picked an afternoon, put on a bikini (God save me, it was my only option!), and headed over. The first place I stopped was a huge hotel chain. To protect their reputation, let’s just say it rhymed with Rury Inn. (It was Drury Inn, y’all.)

I waddled inside and saw a nice, older lady behind the desk. Maybe I should have known that since a hair on her head didn’t budge, she probably wouldn’t either. I explained that I was very pregnant, very miserable, and I would be eternally grateful and pay whatever it costs to go for a swim in the hotel pool. She said she couldn’t help me. That hotel policy strictly forbid it and sent me on my way.

My eyes were filling with tears before I was through the revolving door.

I was already a hormonal mess. I was already frustrated and stressed and emotional. It didn’t take much. By the time I got to my car, I was sobbing. I drove to the next hotel and scoped out the entrance to the pool to see if I could just sneak in. I walked around and around and decided the only thing worse than being that pregnant was to be that pregnant and in jail.

I went to the front desk. I was still sniffling. I kept my sunglasses on but the young man behind the counter could tell I was upset. I tried to keep the emotion out of my voice as I asked if I could please, please, please swim in their indoor pool. He said they weren’t supposed to let anyone but guests swim in the pool but he would go get his manager. He seemed a bit panicked. I think the size of my belly freaked him out and he didn’t want a weeping pregnant lady on his hands. Smart kid.

His manager came out. It was a woman, only a few years older than myself and I was instantly relieved. The moment she saw me she picked up her pace and came quickly to my side. She put her hand on my shoulder, smiled at me, and said the words I will never forget.

“Oh honey, I’ve got three of my own. Go on in and take as long as you need.” 

Turns out that wasn’t the last time I would cry over my belly because her kindness in my moment of need still brings tears to my eyes.