I should never have been allowed to see Dirty Dancing.

I grew up watching A LOT of television and going to A LOT of movies. I was an only child so I had time to fill and no siblings to help fill it. Some of my most vivid childhood memories revolve around media and popular culture.

For a week in first grade, I had to stand in the corner for 30 minutes every day because I stole the gold stars for my behavior chart from the teacher's desk. (I had trouble staying quiet in class… shocking I know.) I remember thinking if I could just memorize The Cosby Show I could play it back in my mind to fill the time.

I remember wanting to bring Patrick Swayze to show and tell so we could dance together for my classmates. I remember being pulled away from a particularly enthralling episode of Mama’s Family to go to dance class and telling my mother I wanted to quit the next day. I remember sneaking around the corner to watch late night episodes of Designing Women and Murphy Brown.

My parents and I would go to double – sometimes even triple – features at the local movie theater and my mother and I would rent six VHS tapes from our local Phar-Mor for all weekend movie marathons.

It’s a passion that continued into adulthood. Most of you have probably been cornered by me at a party or in a Facebook thread as I argue that you really HAVE to watch Mad Men or The Wire or GIRLS or Friday Night Lights or whatever other movie or television show with which I’m currently obsessed.

Considering my long love affair with pop culture ,it might come as a bit of a surprise that Griffin has only been to the movies a handful of times and Amos has never been at all. They watch television but only children’s programming.

If I have the slightest concern that programming is too mature for them, the answer is no.

It’s not because I’m trying to protect them from mature subjects. As I hope I’ve made clear by now, I don’t believe it is my job as a parent to protect my children from everything bad in life, including tough subject matters.

However, I heard something once that changed how I felt about age-appropriate media.

It was an interview with Stefan Shephard of Zooglobble, a blog dedicated to kids music. He was on NPR talking about why he doesn’t just let his kids listen to pop music.

“I think one of the issues is what is the lyrical matter? What is the context of the song? The Beatles songs are great in that they’re simple, but a lot of them revolve around romantic love. You know, I wouldn’t want my daughter to hear nothing but songs about romantic love all day long. They’re fun to dance to, and I have no problem playing the Beatles occasionally, but I also thing that there are other songs that are more age-appropriate lyrically or musically sometimes.”

— Stefan Shephard

He went on to say that age-appropriate material builds real appreciation. It made so much sense to me. You build an appreciation for music or movies or television because it speaks to a world – in a language – that YOU understand.

After years of sticking to my pop culture guns with Griffin, I’ve realized the benefit to restricting mature programming might go beyond merely building appreciation for the art form.

After all, I consumed pop culture FAR outside the realm of age-appropriateness. I’ve had two different conversations in two days with women my age about the day we realized that Dirty Dancing’s ENTIRE plot revolves around a botched abortion. Or what about Pretty Woman? My mom got a lot of things right when it came to sex education, but I’m not sure letting me watch prostitution meet cute (even if she covered my eyes during the sex scenes) was one of them.

Looking back on my own experiences with pop culture and watching the way Griffin and Amos interact media, I’ve realized that age-appropriate media does more than build appreciation, it allows creative access.

Griffin is obsessed with the world of Harry Potter in a very different way then I was obsessed with Dirty Dancing or Gone with the Wind. Because he can comprehend the subject matter and many of the character’s central conflicts, he is driven to create his own versions of these worlds in a way I never was.

I knew I wanted to be like Baby and dance with Johnny Castle, but I didn’t really know WHY. I knew I wanted to be the subject of Rhett Butler’s desire and dress like Scarlett O’Hara, but I didn’t really comprehend what that meant.

I knew Penny was in trouble, but I didn’t realize it was because of an unwanted pregnancy.

So, I couldn’t really place myself in that world in the way Griffin fully inhabits Hogwarts. The conflicts contained within J.K. Rowling's universe are real and the emotion intense but the world of school and friends and teachers and parents is something a child can understand. So, Griffin writes new endings to the story and makes movies where he lives at Hogwarts and fights dark wizards. If you ask him, he promises there will be an 8th Harry Potter book because he’s already started writing it.

Maybe he will and maybe he won’t.

What I hope is - by guarding the gates to these little minds - I don't just raise consumers, but I raise creators.

P.S. Is it safe to play outside? 

Why I Throw My Kids Over-the-top Birthday Parties

It’s birthday party season in the Holland household. Griffin's birthday is May 16th and Amos's birthday is June 3rd so the party planning has begun in earnest. Every year I spend a ton of time planning (and designing and crafting and baking) for two big parties to celebrate these awesome little guys. 

I go big and I'm not going to apologize. 

Recently, I’ve noticed the over the top birthday party has gotten a bit of a bad rap and part of it is well-deserved. Thanks in part to the Real Housewives and their like, parties became a spectacle of overindulgence. On top of it all, the celebrated child at these lavish affairs often didn’t seem like they were having a good time. I mean nothing says people are done embracing a trend and ready to judge it quite like a TLC reality show.

And while I would never belong on Outrageous Kid Parties, I do not and will not apologize for my parties. I spent almost a year planning Griffin’s first birthday party. I scoured every corner of the Internet for ideas and spent hours turning those ideas into reality. We had over fifty people in our backyard for barbecue and cake and it was one of the happiest days of my life. I gathered with all the people I love and celebrated this amazing creature that had entered my life.

That experience only gets better as Griffin and Amos become more involved in the process of celebrating. They love to look through Pinterest pages and pick invitations and cakes and activities.

Honestly, keeping them involved in recent years has also helped me keep my motivations in check. The first year the party is for the family and the guests to celebrate the precious life of this little baby. However, as the years go on, I always try to remind myself that the parties are for the KIDS.

So, I've scrapped the water bottle covers because they don't care. I let it go when Griffin wants to add hand-drawn pictures to my perfectly designed invitations. I don't try to talk Amos into a theme that would be more fun to plan.

Amos wants Turbo the Snail. Amos gets Turbo the Snail.

Doing it all again never seems like a chore. (Although I am glad Felix was born in the winter so to spread out the effort a bit!) It seems like a gift. I figure if I’m lucky I’ll get ten birthday parties with each of them before they become too cool for a “kids party” and I’m going to make the most of every one of them. 

The parties and the memories they create are my gifts to them. If God forbid something happens to me, I hope my boys can look at all the effort I poured into these parties and feel my love for them. Not because parents who don’t throw crazy parties don’t love their kids. That’s absurd. I love entertaining and I love creating and every year I get to do what I love to celebrate who I love.

So, my labor of love continues. Now, if you excuse me, I have to hot glue a birthday banner.

What is your labor of love for your kids? Do you hand sew Halloween costumes or cook homemade meals? Does your toddler already have college paid for thanks to your frugal living? Or do you carefully record every milestone in beautifully bound journals? Where do you go above and beyond?

My 2014 Summer Reading Guide

I've had several people ask me recently for book recommendations. Whenever more than about three people ask me a question, I immediately turn my response into a post. It's like blogger law, y'all.

There seems to be two approaches to summer reading guides. First, many share what they plan to read over the summer. I suppose that's fine but what if what you want to read turns out to be truly awful. No, I prefer the second approach, which is the approach my friend Anne takes on her blog The Modern Mrs. Darcy.

Side note: Anne basically writes the best summer reading guide EVER because she is a prolific reader and smart as a whip. I am an amateur at this. She is the real deal. So, after you finish with reading my guide, run on over and get her's. Seriously.

I read on average 2-3 books a month. Not exactly prolific, but nothing to slouch about either. This year I stumbled across some serious gems that I think you should add to your reading list!

All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenting by Jennifer Senior

If you have had a conversation with me in the past month, you have heard me obsessively praise this book. It is the smartest and most insightful thing I have ever read about parenting and I WRITE ABOUT PARENTING. This is not a parenting book, which no one wants to curl up with on the beach. This is a book about why parenting today is so. damn. hard. It is fantastic and BONUS I've basically stalked the author online, made her my friend, and we're going to do a google chat with all of you in mid-July! 

The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith (aka J.K. Rowling)

Full disclosure: I am not exactly what one would call unbiased when it comes to J.K. Rowling. If she announced she had copied the phone book, I would run out and buy it. HOWEVER, I also don't particularly like crime novels and was skeptical that I would enjoy one - even if it was written by my favorite author. The book follows down-on-his-luck private investigator Cormoran Strike as he investigates the suicide of supermodel Lula Landry. Surprise, there's perhaps a bit more going on. The book sucks you in from the first page and won't let you go. Escapism at its best!

Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life by Emily Freeman

I am a good girl. I know. Shocking, right? I try very, very hard and sometimes all that effort becomes exhausting. Freeman uses a particularly religious lens to examine the life of a good girl but, honestly, I think what she has to say has impact no matter how spiritual you are or aren't. I read this book over a year ago and I still find myself thinking often about Freeman's thoughts on grace, the tyranny of emotions, and worthiness. 

The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert

I wrote about this book when I finished it earlier this year. Another book from one of my favorite authors that I wasn't sure I would like. Well, I did like it. I loved it and was completely swept away by the times and triumphs of 19th century botanist Alma Whittaker.

Tell me what good books you've read this year and we can crowdsource this whole summer reading guide thing!

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My top 5 favorite YouTube videos of all time

It's been a little serious around here lately. So, it occurred to me it might be time for an old fashioned laugh. Most YouTube viral videos have a short shelf life. If you miss them during their 2-3 day rise to fame, you might miss them all together. This is really too bad because most of them don't stop being funny. In the interest of extending the hilarity, here are a few of my favorites. 

Action Figure Therapy My friend Dylan introduced me to this little bit of genius. It is not safe for work, but it is hilarious.

It's hot as hell! I shared this one last summer. "Who the hell paying for this meat!?!" I can watch it during a snow storm and still laugh  my butt off. Again, NSFW.

Look at all those... Watch it more than once. Just trust me.

Best Kiss Ok, so this isn't technically hilarious. It's just the best thing to have ever happened on television in the history of television. Do NOT miss Lindsay Lohan's face.

Salesman My newest addition. "BANK ROBBERS!"

Share the videos you watch over and over when you need a laugh!

6 Things I've learned from watching The Good Wife

I've been watching The Good Wife -  A LOT of The Good Wife. I'm over on Salt & Nectar sharing my thoughts on this fantastic series.

Great minds think alike. Great minds also apparently engage in simultaneous binge watching. While The Other Sarah has been soaking in the Shakespearean melodrama of Sons of Anarchy, I’ve been catching up on The Good Wife. By catching up, I mean I’ve watched four seasons in about week. (Don’t judge! I’ve been sick!)

I’ve loved every second of getting to know Alicia Florrick and the cast of characters at Lockhart/Gardner. This show has taken the fascinating premise of a political spouse standing by her disgraced husband and turned it into so much more. 

Of course my hours of television weren’t a complete loss. I learned several valuable lesson from these fabulous characters.

Life is full of gray. Alicia is constantly encountering situations that are a choice between something wrong and something else wrong. In other words, just like real life. Real life isn’t a choice between easy black and white choices. Life is full of gray where you just have to pick the choice that is the least offensive. 

Dress for the occasion. Alicia and all her cohorts are always dressed to the nines. I’m not saying a new Ralph Lauren suit every day is in the cards for most of us but putting on your fanciest attire can help all of us get through the toughest of situations. 

Marriage is a commitment. This is perhaps my favorite aspect of the show (by the way only to Season 4 – NO SPOILERS!). I love that the Florrick marriage is complicated, hits stops and starts, and has gone through its share of trials. Yet, it still stands. Alicia doesn’t even seem to know herself why she is still married and I find this to be the most realistic aspect of all. Sometimes we stay. Sometimes we commit. Not for a single simple reason but for a million complicated ones. 

Religion is complicated. I absolutely love the way this show deals with religion. No grand ideologies or strong stances. Just characters having honest discussions with those they love about what they believe. 

When in doubt, throw some shade. Sometimes I think this show should be called The Good Eyebrow because WOWZA are there some raised eyebrows and stern looks going around. Alicia, Diane, even Eli can give looks that stop even the coldest killer in their tracks. Really, sometimes that’s all you really need.

Be Kalinda. Ok, I’m still working on how to actually transform myself into a fictional character. I hope to have it figured out by the end of Season 5. Stay tuned. 

Are you a fan of The Good Wife? Let me know!

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My Favorite Television of 2013

Photo Credit: Mike Shaheen via Compfight cc

The year is rapidly coming to a close but before it's over I thought I'd share my favorite things from the small screen this year. We cancelled our cable two years ago and since then my television viewing has changed (and decreased) dramatically. If I'm going to go to the trouble to find something on the Internet or hunt it down on Netflix, it's got to be good. 

Here's what made the cut:

1. Girls I love this show and believe Lena Dunham is a genius. My life is as far as it could be from these "girls" and yet I still feel such a strange kindred connection. I can't help but root for this rag tag group of characters. The new season starts on the 12th but you can watch Season 1 and 2 on HBO Go. 

2. Breaking Bad I started watching the series last year and was caught up by the finale - the only episode of the series I watched live. I'm not sure what I can really add to the analysis of this show. It is dark. It is brilliant. It is storytelling at its best. The entire series is available on Netflix.

3. Mad Men Don Draper.  Please, don't leave me. You have until 2015 to catch up so you don't miss the culture experience that will be the end of this brilliant series. Past seasons are available on Netflix. The first half of the final season airs in 2014.

4. Orange is the New Black I've watched a lot of television in my life but I've never seen any show create such a wide and diverse array of female characters. I absolutely loved this Netflix original series and can't wait for it to return in 2014. 

5. Top of the Lake This miniseries by Jane Champion (director of The Piano) haunted me for weeks. It's beautiful. It's stark. It has one of the best characters I encountered this year - Robin Griffin - portrayed by the brilliant Elizabeth Moss. It is also available on Netflix. 

Other things I loved and watched but I wouldn't call my favorite. Scandal. Parenthood. Game of Thrones. Veep. Parks and Recreation. 

What about you? What was the best thing you watched in 2013? 

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