How to talk about religion and politics on Facebook

At least once a week, I get the same message on Facebook. It is some variation on “I don’t know how you do it!” Usually, these messages come from my more progressive friends who express astonishment at my ability to share my thoughts on very controversial topics without losing my cool. 

My response is almost always the same. I share my honest belief that if we cannot even TALK about important subjects such as religion and politics with respect then that there is no hope for taking any sort of meaningful action towards change. 

I believe that. I do.

However, the reason I can talk about religion and politics and stay calm is a little more complicated than that. 

 Read the rest of the post in Irreverin on Patheos.

Summer List: Paducah Edition!

We all know I love a summer list. For the past two years, I've put up a big list of summer activities I hope to check off before fall starts beating down our door and it has made our summers so fun! In my experience, a good summer list can make you a little more conscious of they days as they fly by and keep you from looking up at the end of August only to proclaim, "Where did the summer go!?!"

Today I've made a summer list for Paducah! I've put all the activities that I think make a summer in Paducah so much fun so if you live in the area, check it out! Even if you don't, hopefully it can inspire you to make a summer list of your own. 

Robert Coleman Spray Park

Noble Park Pool

Paducah Farmer's Market

Movies in the Park

Story Time the McCracken County Public Library

An Evening Downtown

And don't forget the Superman Festival, the McCracken County Fair, and the Fourth of July festivities!

This post is based on a 2014 Summer List I made for herKentucky. Look for an updated list soon!

Sidewalk Chalk Spray

Inspired by a post at Infarrantly Creative, I decided to take our weekly play group to the next level with some sidewalk chalk spray.

First, add 1/2 cup cornstarch to a small container, preferably one  with a spout. I used a simple pyrex measuring cup.
Next, add one cup hot water.

Then add one teaspoon tempura paint.

Last, add a small squirt of dishwashing detergent and mix well. Pour in your squirt bottles and your good to go!

As you can see, the spray was a huge hit at the play group. The bottles were pretty much empty when it was all over and my driveway looked like a Jackson Pollock painting!

A Harry Potter Children's Sermon

Last weekend, our church - Grace Episcopal Church of Paducah, KY - hosted a Harry Potter themed Vacation Bible School. I had A LOT of people ask me what a church was doing teaching Harry Potter. Most were in awe. Some were confused. A very few were skeptical. We began the weekend with a family night and screening of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Then, Saturday the kids spent all morning crafting wands, eating wizarding treats, and generally having a blast. On Sunday, our seriously awesome interim rector Meghan Holland taught a special Harry Potter children's sermon for the whole congregation, which I think wonderfully illustrates why the witches and wizards of J.K. Rowling's magical world are perfectly suited to church. 

You’re all part of families, right? Some of you are the oldest, some of you are the youngest, some of you are the middlest. Does everyone have a job in your family? I’m the youngest in my family. My job was to aggravate my older siblings. It was also my job to make everyone laugh. But you know what? There’s more to you than just being the oldest or the youngest or the most aggravating or the funniest!

Today’s Gospel story that we just read was about Jesus. He came back to his hometown after many weeks of traveling around and healing people and teaching them about God. The people in his hometown thought he was crazy. They said, “Look at this guy! We know his mother and his brothers! He doesn’t come from anything special.” And Jesus said that it doesn’t matter who you are in your family, we are ALL special, because we are all Children of God. We are all loved by God. Even if we’re the aggravating baby of the family.

Do you all remember at the end of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone when Harry was facing off with Professor Quirrell? What happened?

When Harry touched him, he started turning to dust. Do you know why? What did Dumbledore say? Lily Potter, Harry’s mother had died saving him. She loved her son Harry SO MUCH that she would die to protect him, to save him. In fact, by sacrificing herself for her child she left an invisible protection around Harry. The power of love protected Harry.

“ He didn’t realize that love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves it own mark. Not a scar, no visible sign . . . to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever. It is in your very skin.”

— J.K. Rowling

That’s just like what God does for us. God would sacrifice EVERYTHING to save us. God loves us THAT much. And you know what? God’s love leaves an invisible protection around you! Just like Harry has. There are all sorts of bad things in the world, and sometimes bad things happen to us. But God loves us so much that even in our darkest times, God will always be with us, surrounding us.

Hold out your wands. You all have different cores inside your wands. Inside of these wands are things about yourself. Things you do. Things that make you special. Things that bring you closer to God. Each house put something different inside their wand.

Does anyone want to share what’s inside their wand? It’s okay if you don’t, it might be private. But ALL of these things that make your wand’s core, are gifts from God because he loves you. There are different things inside your wands, but for ALL of you, it’s God’s love that brings your magic.

What kind of magic do you want to do with God’s love? We might not be able to float feathers or anything like that, but we CAN do great things with God’s love. We can love everyone as much as we love ourselves. We can always try to do what is right and peaceful. And we can make sure everyone feels loved as we are loved by God. That is the real magic.

You are God’s beloved children. You are. You are. You are. You are. God made you from scratch and he loves you from your toenails to ends of your hair. But you know what, there will be times in our life that we forget that. There may be times in our life that we don’t feel like God’s beloved children. There will be times when life isn’t fair, when there are bad, scary, or sad times. And you know what, we might just forget. We may not be able to see or feel God. We may not be able to do our magic.

There’s a saying in Harry Potter that says that, “Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.” The same goes with the church. You can always come to this church, or really to any church, and other Christians will help you. The grown-ups in this room took vows to help you when you need it, to love you when you need it. You can always come here when you feel like life is dark and the magic has run out.

That’s when we have to rely on our faith to get us through. Now, does anyone here know what a Patronus charm is in Harry Potter? It is a protection spell that you can cast, and it takes the form of an animal, and it drives away bad things, like dementors. Now, we can’t cast that spell, can we? Nope.

But what we can do is remember our faith when times are bad. We can remember that God made us and loves us. In the church, we have a special way of remembering. We say something called the Nicene Creed. We look at the cross and say special words. One day, you might learn them by heart and the words will be with when your life gets bad or scary or sad. In the church, the Nicene Creed is sort of like a Patronus charm. We know that no matter what happens, our faith will always be there for us. It will be as real and as solid as Harry’s stag Patronus is for him.

Now, I know that you don’t know these words by heart yet. And really, not every adult does either. That’s okay. The rest of us in the church are going to say the words and you can just listen hard. And, ya know what, why don’t you raise your wands and point them to the cross. Not because you can cast a spell, but to remember that your faith, the faith of all these grown-ups that love you, will be with you always.

If you live in Paducah and would like to learn more about Grace Episcopal, you can follow us on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook!

Turbo Themed Birthday Party

Amos's birthday request was simple.

"I want a Turbo party!"

Then a Turbo party you shall have my son.

For those of you who don't spend a large portion of your time watching children's programming, Turbo is 2013 movie about a very fast snail put out by Dreamworks in 2013.

We started with printable invitations designed by Party Innovations and went from there. I relied heavily on racing themes with some snail specific games thrown in the mix. Amos's biggest request was a "TURBO CAKE!!!" so I reached out to Cathy's Confections with the idea of a layer cake with a small Turbo on top. Luckily for Amos, Cathy came back with the idea of fully Turbo-shaped cake. 

Y'all, this. cake. 

Amos lost it for this cake. Turbo was the centerpiece of the party and he was more than up to the task. 

I bought plastic trophies as favors because kids LOVE trophies and set up a "refueling station" and that was about it. I had plans for lots of snail-themed food, but I have three kids now and it just didn't happen! 

My favorite party was actually the races. We set up Hot Wheels tracks and had the little Turbo toys race each other. 

Then, I made snail costumes from Oh Happy Day's tutorial and used racing flags to make a little track. The kids LOVED it. If you have not watched preschoolers in snail costumes race each other in slow motion, I HIGHLY recommend it!

Turbo party snail races! #slowmo #turboparty #Paducah #PaducahParty

A video posted by Sarah Holland (@bluegrassred) on Jun 6, 2015 at 11:59am PDT

Amos was thrilled with it all, which is the only that really matters. 

Why Caitlyn Jenner deserves the Arthur Ashe Courage Award

My first instinct when reading the angry - and often hateful - responses to Caitlyn Jenner and her gender transition was, "Why do people care?" After all, how does Caitlyn Jenner's journey personally affect anyone outside her own family and friends?

Then, I took a step back.

I realized her journey does affect people. Caitlyn Jenner has made her journey very public and in doing so is asking all of us to fundamentally re-examine our understanding of gender. 

That is huge. That is scary. I get that. 

But - like I tell my kids - anything worth doing is a little scary.

Over the past several decades, our society has taken the huge and scary step of re-examining what we believe about sexuality. I believe we are better because of it.

It is now time we do the same with gender.

It is not binary. It is not as simple as male and female. It never has been.

Since the dawn of time, this spectrum has existed. Some societies did a better job of understanding and valuing this unique perspective than others, but - make no mistake - there is VALUE in a culture that allows for a more expansive and embracing understanding of the human experience.

After all, we have all had personal experiences that conflicted with societal expectations.

Maybe you've gotten divorced. Maybe you battled addiction or obesity or infertility. Maybe you have chosen to remain childless. Maybe you've chosen to have a large family. Maybe you've faced bankruptcy or adultery or disability. 

Whatever it was, everyone has dealt with the shame of not always being what people want or expect us to be. If Caitlyn Jenner has lessened the burden of those swimming upstream of society's standards, then I say bravo. I say she deserves The Arthur Ashe Courage Award.

The award is for those who "transcend sports through courageous action" and there has been an outcry over those who believe Noah Galloway or Lauren Hill deserve the award more. 

Courage is a difficult thing to define, but I agree with Brené Brown's definition. 

“The root of the word courage is cor—the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and, today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics are important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics are often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.”

— Brené Brown

Noah Galloway is a hero. He put his life on the line in Iraq and he exhibited incredibly "heart courage" by going on Dancing with the Stars and putting himself out there for all to see. Lauren Hill is a hero. Her life was literally on the line and she used her personal tragedy to raise awareness for cancer research and inspire others.

However, it is not an insult to either of these incredible individuals to recognize the courage of Caitlyn Jenner.  This is not a zero sum game. There is plenty of praise and recognition to go around. 

Courage comes in many forms and the courage to your listen to your heart and put your "vulnerability on the line" deserves to be lauded as well. 

We all want a better world for the next generation. We all want a world where everyone is accepted for who they are and the unique contribution. There are so rarely two simple options. 

I'm always saying the world isn't black and white.  I used to say that the world is gray, but that's not quite right. Gray is singular. Gray is boring. Gray is uninteresting. 

We don't find gray when we finally stop seeing things in black and white. We find COLOR. So. Much. Color. 

And, y'all, it is beautiful. 

We all want a more beautiful world - now and for the generations to come. 

Caitlyn Jenner has taken some very courageous steps to make that possible and for that she deserves recognition. 

Talking to your children about death

Recently, I was listening to a phenomenal story on This American Life about The Sharing Place, an organization in Salt Lake City that provides grief support for children. The story focused on the difficult task of discussing death with children. 

I will never forget the first time I discussed death with one of my children. I’ve written here about how a friend’s struggle with cancer and the horrific car accident of another friend have affected me. What I wasn’t expecting is how it would affect Griffin. 

The day we learned Amelia might not wake up Griffin was in a house full of kids playing all manner of good guy v. bad buy games. At one point, he screamed above the fray to the young daughter of a friend of mine, “I’m going to kill you!”

I lost it.

I screamed for so long and so loudly I silenced a house full of five adults and eleven children. When I was finished, everyone – including Griffin – was looking only at me. 

“DON’T YOU EVER EVER EVER SAY THAT!!!”

He didn’t look scared. He looked more shocked. After I’d had a moment to realize my preschooler wasn’t mocking the overwhelming sorrow I felt at that moment, I took him aside and tried to explain what it meant to kill someone and what it meant for someone to never ever come back.

I could tell he didn’t understand me.

Then, a few weeks later, it came up again. We were sitting quietly at the breakfast table when he started talking about death. He explained he was never going to die. 

I took a deep breath.

“No, sweetie, that’s not true. Everyone dies. You will die. Amos will die. I will die. Daddy will die. Hopefully, this will not happen for a very long time but everyone dies eventually,” I told him.

My voice filled with emotion and my eyes filled with tears as I watched my firstborn’s face crumple with sadness. 

“But that makes me so sad,” he started to cry.

I held him close and told him I knew it made him sad. I told him that it made me sad, too. So very, very sad. I didn’t use the promise of heaven to make it better. Not because I don’t believe in heaven, as I’ve stated before I’m not quite sure what I believe. 

However, at that moment, I felt like I was telling my child something very difficult. Sometimes things are hard and you just have to be in the moment and feel the heaviness of that – without excuse or attempts at solutions. 

It took me a long time to understand that.

I’m not foolish enough to believe that I taught the entirety of that lesson to my son in one small conversation at three-and-a-half years old. However, I have always felt strongly that my job as a parent is not to protect my son from the hard things in life but to help him deal with those things when they come.

In other words, that conversation was hard but I hope it’s the first of many. 

Have you talked to your children about death? How did you tackle it?

5 Lessons About Motherhood I Learned From 'Steel Magnolias'

Today I'm on The Mid sharing the mothering lessons I've learned from my favorite movie of all time - Steel Magnolias.

Twenty-five years ago, Steel Magnolias hit the big screen, and the women of Chinquapin Parish took up permanent residence in many of our hearts. Like every other woman of a certain age, I've seen Steel Magnolias so many times I can quote it by memory. The movie centers on the relationship between M'Lynn Eatenton (Sally Field) and her daughter Shelby (Julia Roberts), and has taught me and a generation of women some of the most important lessons about motherhood.

1. You can't control your children.

M'Lynn wants her control over daughter, Shelby, to be as firm as the "brown football helmet" she calls her hairdo. However, she learns—as we all must—that our children make their own choices and travel their own road no matter how much we wish they would just do what we say. We are all much better off taking the Truvy (Dolly Parton) approach and finding something—anything—nice to say about our children's choices. "Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly."

2. Sometimes mothering is a team sport.

M'Lynn is Shelby's momma, but Truvy, Ouiser (Shirley MacLaine), Clairee (Olympia Dukakis) and Annelle (Daryl Hannah) drop everything to celebrate and support her through all of life's ups and downs. They not only support Shelby as she gets married, has a baby and ultimately falls ill, they support M'Lynn as well. These women understand that motherhood is hard and you need all the help you can get—even if that means signing up to get slapped!

3. You can sacrifice everything, and it will not be enough.

After Shelby risks her health to give birth to her son Jackson, M’Lynn donates a kidney in order to save her daughter. To give of your own body is the ultimate illustration of how far we all are willing to go to help our children. We would do anything, and the heartbreaking ending of Steel Magnolias showed us that, tragically, sometimes that isn’t enough.

4. A sense of humor is required.

Sometimes your kids ignore your advice and bathe the church sanctuary in “blush and bashful.” Sometimes your husband fills your Frigidaire with beer, or your dog loses all his hair. What the women of Steel Magnolias taught me was that no matter what comes your way, laughter can get you through it. Watching the full range of emotions exhibited in the movie’s famous funeral scene is a powerful reminder that, as Truvy says, “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion!”

5. Life goes on.

It is not an accident that Steel Magnolias begins with a wedding and ends with a birth—both scenes set in the bursting color of a Southern spring. When she tells her mother she’s pregnant, Shelby states simply, “Sure there may be risk involved, but that’s true for anybody. But you get through it, and life goes on.” M’Lynn is repeating that phrase at Shelby’s funeral when Annelle announces she intends to name her baby after Shelby. The worst can happen to us as mothers, but life goes on. We might look pretty, but we have to be made of steel.