Things I've Worn ELEVENTY MILLION Times

One of the things that worked for me in 2015 was a capsule wardrobe. Paring my wardrobe down to 36 items made me think hard about the items I wear a lot and the items I hardly wear. Not everything in my collection was new and I'd thought I'd share the pieces that made the cut and that I've been coming back to for years. 

Black wrap dress I've owned this black wrap dress since HIGH. SCHOOL. It is 100% polyester and indestructible. You could wad it in a ball and rubber band it and it still wouldn't wrinkle. I've worn it to weddings (as in wore it to a wedding last month), funerals, parties and everything in between - including the fundraiser pictured above at the fanciest NYC apartment I have ever been to. I've worn it heavy, skinny, pregnant, and everything in between. It is universally flattering and I get compliments every time I wear it - even though I've been wearing it for over 15 years. 

Here's one that's similar Star Vixen Women's Long Sleeve Fullwrap Dress, Black, Medium

Wool Toggle Coat I bought this coat from Brooks Brothers in 2006. It's just now starting to wear around the sleeves and I'm seriously considering getting the sleeves trimmed in leather so I can keep wearing. It is warm. It is the perfect length and a great color.  I love it so, so much.

Sadly, Brooks Brothers doesn't make this coat anymore but here's one that's similar. Larry Levine Womens Classic Toggle Closure Duffle Coat , Light Camel, 8

Jag Pull On Jeans Another item I've had for many, many years that I still wear the heck out of. I love these jeans because they are comfortable, flattering, and give excellent tummy control for those of us who need it. They've also held up well through years of wash and wear.

Stud earrings I'm not a big jewelry person. I keep it minimal most of the time. I got these Kara Ross NY earrings two years ago and I wear them, at least 5x a week. They have silver and gold and the white goes with anything. They're modern but classic.

Sadly, Kara Ross NY is no longer but here are some that are similar. 

What items have you been wearing for years?

5 Important Takeaways from Making a Murderer

If my Facebook feed is any reflection, I spent part of my holiday break like many, many of you - binge watching Making a Murderer. 

For those of you who spent your break in slightly more productive ways, Making a Murderer is Netflix series that tells the true story of Steven Avery, who served 18 years for a rape he didn't commit and then was arrested for a murder two years after being released. 

Similar to the true crime podcast Serial that had viral success last year, Making a Murderer presents the shocking and upsetting reality of our criminal justice system and all its flaws. For those of us privileged enough to rarely interact with that system, the story of Steven Avery is jaw-dropping. 

And yet, Making a Murderer isn't just the story of Steven Avery, any more than Serial was the story of Adnan Syed. These producers didn't just stumble upon the rare miscarriage of justice. These types of stories are not rare and available for anyone willing to scrape the surface.  This series also illustrates several issues with our system that need to be addressed if we ever hope to improve it.

1. Innocent people go to prison all. the. time.

I'll never forget when Serial first came out and I was discussing the case with a close friend. I told her that I believed Adnan was innocent and she responded with surprise, "But he's in prison!" as if prisons only let in the guilty.

The Innocence Project estimates that anywhere between 2.3% - 5% of prisoners have been wrongly convicted. This is no small number considering the U.S. prison population is about 2.2 MILLION people. 

“We will never know for sure, but the few studies that have been done estimate that between 2.3% and 5% of all prisoners in the U.S. are innocent (for context, if just 1% of all prisoners are innocent, that would mean that more than 20,000 innocent people are in prison).

More broadly, we know that innocent people are often identified as suspects by law enforcement and that DNA testing often clears them before they go to trial, but that DNA testing is impossible in the vast majority of criminal cases. In approximately 25% of cases where DNA testing was done by the FBI during the course of investigations, suspects were excluded by the testing. That doesn’t mean we believe 25% of convictions are in error, but when coupled with the fact that DNA testing is only possible in 5-10% of all criminal cases, it shows that science cannot always clear innocent suspects, which can result in wrongful convictions.”

— The Innocence Project

These numbers are truly terrifying when you begin to think about the death penalty. Since 1973, 144 people have been released from death row due to wrongful conviction. A new study estimates that as many as 1 in 25 sentenced to death are innocent. 

That is terrifying. I cannot fathom the reality of sitting in prison (or death row) for a crime I did not commit. The unfairness and injustice of such a situation is epic in its scope and impact.

2. Reasonable doubt is fundamentally misunderstood. 

The standard of proof to deprive a citizen of their liberty is purposefully set very, very high. Legally, the government (aka the prosecutor) must argue their version of the events so conclusively that a reasonable person would have no reasonable doubt of the accused's guilt. 

This is not the standard to arrest someone, which is probable cause. This is not the standard for a civil suit, which is preponderance of evidence (basically 51% of the evidence). 

This standards mean there is NOany other reasonable explanation. 

And - just to be clear - reasonable doubt is not just for innocent people, as the prosecutor in Making a Murderer says in his closing argument.

This standard - all the other the protections contained within our legal system from Miranda warnings to the right to counsel to the right to an appeal - are for EVERYONE. Our Constitutional rights are inalienable and imparted to us - depending on your belief system - by God or by our status as human beings. 

Even the most heinous criminal is deserving of his or her rights under the law. Reasonable doubt is not a sliding scale of proof depending on the severity of the crime or your innocence. 

I understand that this is neither a popular nor particularly easy truth but - to me - the alternative is so much worse. A society that deprives its citizens of their humanity based on conjecture or assumption or stereotypes is not a society I want for myself or my children.

When we decide - as Making a Murderer convincingly argues that we have - that probable cause turns the accused into the guilty and that a trial is a mere formality, when we erode the meaning of reasonable doubt by deciding it is only for the wealthy, the resourceful, or the well-represented, when we decide that we are willing to sacrifice the liberty of the innocent for the safety of ourselves, then we have gone terribly, terribly astray.

3. The type of evidence we depend on is unreliable and misunderstood.

Steven Avery is wrongfully convicted based on the eyewitness testimony of the rape victim. No one wants to believe that a woman could misidentify someone who raped her and certainly no one wants to accuse someone already traumatized of being wrong. However, it happens all. the. time. In fact, Misidentifications account for 75% of all DNA exonerations. 

SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT.

Our memories are flawed, especially when we are identifying someone of another race, and we have to accept that. (I HIGHLY recommend the story of Ronald Cotton and Jennifer Thompson-Cannino for those who would like to know more.)

Another form of evidence that is fundamentally misunderstood is the confession.

In Making a Murderer, Avery's 16-year-old nephew confesses to the crime and then recants. At his trial, the prosecutor states plainly, "No one confesses to a crime they didn't commit."

That is simply not true. Police are trained in specialized interrogation techniques that can cause vulnerable people to confess to a crime they didn't commit. A 2010 study found 25% of DNA exonerations since 1989 contained a false confession and stated that “the problem of contamination is epidemic, not episodic.”

It is difficult to image someone confessing to a crime they didn't commit, but it is another difficult reality we have to accept and understand in order to address the abuses within our system. 

4. Prosecutorial and police misconduct is a reality.

Those who dedicate their lives to the very difficult job of law enforcement deserve a certain amount of respect and admiration.

What they do not deserve - and what we have given at our peril - is our total trust. 

Prosecutors and police officers are human beings susceptible to the same mistakes, temptations, and fallibility we all are. The idea that we can never question their motivations or decisions is not only false but dangerous.

Our society has functioned for too long under the assumption that law enforcement officials are the good guys and those on the other side of law enforcement - from the accused to defense attorneys - are the bad guys.

This is simply not the world we live in.

Sometimes police break the law. Sometimes innocent people sit in prison for crimes they did not commit. Sometimes police officers sacrifice everything to keep us safe. Sometimes truly depraved individuals commit heinous crimes.

ALL OF THESE THINGS CAN BE TRUE. Acknowledging the existence of one does not lessen the importance of the other and I would arge we make the job of law enforcement that much harder when we insist on a one-sided story that erodes trust and puts the police on the defensive. 

5. Both sides agree our system is broken.

I have purposefully not done a deep dive into the case of Steven Avery. I believe he is innocent but I don't think that is the real story of Making a Murderer. The series is the story of our broken criminal justice system. A system so broken that it is one of the few (VERY FEW) issues to receive support from both Congressional Democrats and Republicans.

We have to acknowledge this difficult reality. We have to acknowledge that we have been depending on a system that doesn't work. We have to decide to what lengths we are willing to go to make ourselves feel safe and what we are willing to sacrifice. 

What happened to Steven Avery and Brenden Dassey was tragic and I truly hope their story is heard and resolved. However, stopping at their story and not reforming the system would be a true tragedy.

Here's what you can do now: 

Support The Innocence Project

Support the Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice

Contact your legislative officials and tell them you support reform.

One Little Word for 2016

Three years ago, I began participating in One Little Word®. A project begun in 2006 by one of my favorite bloggers Ali Edwards, One Little Word® is choosing a single word to guide your year.

“A single word can be a powerful thing. It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything. It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow.”

— Ali Edwards

My words have had incredible impact, particularly  in 2014 when I chose growth. I wrote that I wanted to grow my family and my business and I got all that and a heaping helping of personal growth that year as well. Despite feeling like I missed the mark with last year’s word, I’m excited to choose another word to help me steer the ship in 2016.

I’m excited for 2016. Barring any unforeseen circumstances or Immaculate Conception, I won’t be pregnant for the first year since 2013! Felix will be turning one and, while he isn’t a walk in the park, I’m beginning to see then end of the infant care tunnel. I can’t wait to see what the year holds for Pantsuit Politics, my coaching business, and the blog.

I confessed in my weekly email recently that I’m uncomfortable with money. It makes me nervous discussing money or fees or negotiating. My friend diagnosed me as having a low money tolerance – meaning it doesn’t take very much to make me nervous.

I want to work on that in 2016. I want to get more comfortable charging for the work I do because I bring a lot of value and I deserve to be paid for it. I want to do my best Amy Schumer and state unapologetically, “I like money.”

So, I’ve decided my word for 2016 is… prosper.

It was my brilliant cousin who first proposed prosper after we had rejected value, achieve, and worth.

I wanted something positive but concrete. I wanted the word to push me to seek financial success, but not stop there.

Prosper is perfect. The definition is “succeed in material terms; be financially successful.” It can also mean to “flourish physically; grow strong and healthy.”

I want to my podcast to prosper. I want my business to prosper. I want to flourish in all areas of my life – emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically.

I want to prosper.

So, that’s my one little word.

Here’s to a prosperous 2016!

What worked for me in 2015... and what didn't

The few days between Christmas and New Years are some of my favorite of the year. I love spending time reflecting on the past year and strategizing for the year to come. Last year I followed Modern Mrs. Darcy's lead and reflected on what worked during the past year and what didn't and I'm here doing it again for 2015!

What worked for me in 2015...

1. Podcasting 

Beth Silvers and I launched Pantsuit Politics this year and it has been so. much. fun. I've loved learning this new world (and sharing it with our Executive Producer - my husband!) I'd had the idea for a political podcast for a while but realized I didn't really want to do it by myself. Adding Beth and our "meet in the middle" format has been fantastic! We've been getting really positive feedback and just got major love from iTunes which has been so exciting. 

2. Reading more

As I shared last week, I've doubled the amount of books I read this year. What worked for increasing my reading load was deadlines and audiobooks. Deadlines either through reading with friends OR by reading library books that I know have to be returned. I've used the heck out of OverDrive, an app that allows you to check out audio books and e-books from your library and I LOVE it! 

3. Roomba & Chores

The Roomba is my MVP for 2015. I love it SO much. I realized I felt like my house was messy when my floors were messy. Now, even if my counters are dirty and my shelves are dusty, the Roomba keeps my carpets clean and I feel like I'm winning at life. This year I didn't just offload vacuuming. I also re-arranging my kitchen and my life to allow my kids to help with chores which has dramatically decreased my household load and my stress. 

4. Capsule Wardrobe

This fall - using unFancy's guidance - I built a capsule wardrobe of 37 items to carry me through the season. I bought a few new items and worked with several I already own. I LOVED it. I loved really thinking through items I could combine in different ways. While I liked having options, I really liked having fewer choices over all. I get decision fatigue very easily so not staring at a closet full of items that I didn't love or didn't fit or didn't go together stressed me out. Now that I have one season under my belt, I'll post more information and pics in January!

5. KonMari

I've said it before and I'll say it again - this book really is life-changing. Having fewer but better options - from my underwear drawer to my bookshelf - has made my life so much calmer and simpler and BETTER. 

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What DIDN'T work for me...

My One Little Word

Last year I chose vairagya and, while I still like the meaning of the word, a word in another language was hard to keep in the front of my mind. Going back to English this year...

Exercise

Ugh, I'm so bummed to have this on my didn't work for me list two years in a row. I tried squeezing in exercise where I could this year but I need to go back to my yoga classes - I do better with a outside schedule I have to stick to.

Playing it by ear 

With a new baby in 2015, I know I didn't have much a choice but to let Felix (and his sleep or lack thereof) predict much of our schedules. However, it left me scrambling and frustrated so much of the time. I realize I need to set an alarm and get up and set goals even if Felix woke me up in the night. Luckily, he's getting bigger every day and easier to take care of. So, here's to a more structured 2016!

What worked for you in 2015? What didn't?

My 10 Most Popular Posts of 2015

Here they are! My 10 most popular posts of 2015. It's a funny mix of the light and fluffy (made popular by Pinterest) and the deeply personal that clearly connected with a larger audience. 

The Happiest of Holidays to you!

My 7 Favorite Posts of the Year

In a year consumed with parenting a brand new baby, I'm not surprised so many of my favorite posts revolve about being a better parent and being a better person. 

I'd love to hear from y'all! What were your favorite posts of the year?

My Top 5 Books of 2015

At the beginning of the year, I took the GoodReads Reading Challenge (AND Modern Mrs. Darcy's 2015 Reading Challenge). I set my goal at 30 books, which was TWICE as many as I'd read in 2014. I thought this was pretty bold considering I was having a new baby, but reading is a priority for me ... plus, I found some sneaky ways to get more reading in.

1. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo

Life-changing is right. After reading this book in May, I have systematically gone through (almost) everything in my house and it has had a huge impact not only on the space itself but our family life, our relationships, even our future goals.

Read. This. Book.  

2. Rising Strong by Brené Brown

Look, there's Brené Brown and there is everyone else. This book has fundamentally shifted by thinking on LOTS of things. I still think about it and mull over the lessons learned within the pages of this book.

This book made me a better wife, a better parent, a better person. 

3. Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

This was the most beautiful piece of fiction I read all year. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's words and obserevations are lyrical and beautiful even when they are heartbreaking in their truth. 

4. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

This book. I struggle to put words to the power of this book. Every American should read this book - a letter Ta-Nehisi Coates wrote to his son about being a black man. I don't care the color of your skin. If you HAVE SKIN, you should read it. 

Don't take my word for it. Toni Morrison calls it "required reading." Listen to her if you won't listen to me. 

5. Lafayette in the Somewhat United States by Sarah Vowell

Sarah Vowell's narrative histories are insightful without being cliche, patriotic without being naive, smart and funny AND historical. Absolutely love her and loved this examination of Revolutionary roots. 

What great books did you read this year?

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