Sonnet James: Play Dresses for Playful Moms

When I first read about Sonnet James on Cup of Jo, I was immediately obsessed. Basically, they had me at "play dress." I LOVE to wear dresses, but I am the mother of three boys and these dresses need to be realistic. No short hems. No flimsy fabric. Something with sleeves!

So, if a company was describing their dresses as play dresses - as in I could wear these dresses and still play with my boys, I was all in.

So, when Sonnet James offered to let me try out the Isabel dress, I could barely contain my excitement.

Y'all, I LOVE this dress. It is comfortable. It is flattering. I don't feel exposed or like I'm constantly tugging on it. I can throw on a belt and I feel dressed up enough for a client meeting or dinner with my husband. Or I can wear it with my favorite Chew Beads for a day with my boys. 

My friend Amber Barnett had been following Sonnet James since the founder's initial Kickstarter campaign so she very sweetly agreed to take some shots of me in my new play dress!

The only thing better than the dresses is the story of their creation! The founder of Sonnet James Whitney had a career in interior design but also a passion for fashion and her two little boys. Combining those two passions led to the creation of Sonnet James play dresses! "[Whitney] believes that with the right dress you can look great without letting your clothes get in the way of the next big adventure! Sonnet James was born out of the idea that beautiful clothing should work for moms—durable, comfortable, and beautiful, yet easy to care for. "

Can I get an AMEN!?!

The adorable packaging that came with the dress.

Sonnet James is GIVING ONE LUCKY READER A DRESS!!! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Sonnet James provided me with one free dress. All opinions expressed are my own.

Play-Doh Factory Party

For Griffin's third birthday, he chose a Play-Doh theme.  Considering today is Play-Doh day I thought I would share one of my favorite parties I've ever thrown. PLUS, I want to reminisce about when my baby was three instead of SIX GOING ON 20!

Inspired by the us in russ, I decided to go with a Play-doh Factory theme. The invitees received tubs of Play-Doh informing them the Factory was hiring. (Cutest RSVP response goes to Abigail's mom who sent me an email informing me of Abigail's Play-Doh qualifications!) 

On the day of the party, we welcomed the new recruits who received aprons and busboy hats. Each guest then had to stamp their "time card" and take a photo for their employee ID card. (I added their names in Photoshop and intend to send the pics with our thank you notes.)

Then, our new factory employees made their way to the "Production Line" where they made their own magic Play-Doh with Kool-Aid. They each got to pick what color they wanted by choosing a Kool-Aid flavor. We premeasured out the dry ingredients and then had water and oil available for (parent-led) mixing. 

Next up, everyone made their way to "Research and Development." Some very generous friends had loaned me a wide assortment of Play-Doh toys. I spread them out along two long tables and let them go at it. Griffin literally sat at the R&D table for an hour straight. He didn't even get up to greet his buddies when they arrived.

I turned my dessert table into the Factory itself. I decided to try cake push pops for the first time since I thought they were reminiscent of Play-Doh tubs. I had fallen in love with rainbow mini-cakes a while back and decided to make rainbow push pops instead. My stepdad made a long holder for the pops that I put in the middle of the table to look like a conveyer belt coming out of a cardboard box I covered with gears. I was SO happy with the result. 

The push pops were a huge success, as was the party itself I have to say. As everyone left, they came to "Product Packaging" and I gave them their time card, some animal-shaped cutters, little mini rolling pins, and the Play-Doh recipe. 

Us v. Them

Credit BGN News

I don’t spend a lot of time bemoaning the state of the world. As overwhelming as the news can be, I believe that the world is a good place worth bringing children into. 

That is not to say I am immune to fear.

I worry about climate change and the growing power of ISIS. Like the rest of the world, I saw those babies’ lifeless bodies on the shores of Turkey and thought, “How could things have gotten this bad? What kind of world are we leaving to our children?”

Yet, there is an undercurrent of fear I’ve noticed when people discuss the problems plaguing our planet and its people. I’ve noticed it when people talk about the refugee crisis in Europe. I’ve noticed it when people talk about Kim Davis. I’ve noticed it when people talk about the Black Lives Matter movement.

Then, as I listened to an episode of This American Life, it hit home.

Entitled “The Problem We All Live With”, the episode examines failing inner city schools and the one solution that has worked.

Integration.

Credit Robert Cohen/St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Nikole Hannah-Jones, an investigative reporter The New York Times, has spent her career reporting on failing schools and has seen integrating schools work. She shared the story of the Normandy school district outside St. Louis, MO. The school district Michael Brown graduated from before he was killed in Ferguson.

That same year the district lost its accreditation. Students could chose to travel 30 miles to the predominantly white middles class school district of Francis Howell. This American Life shared the audio recordings of the Francis Howell school board meeting, where parents shared their “concerns” over the integration. It made me sick to my stomach. 

Here’s the transcript:

“Woman 1
My question is when a child who is coming from an under-performing school with low test scores comes into a math class at Francis Howell, how will they ever possibly cope?

Woman 2
Once Normandy comes in here, will that lower our accreditation?
[CROWD APPLAUDS]

Nikole Hannah
The woman says she was an education professor and warned Frances Howell officials not to be naive about the type of students they’d be receiving.

Woman 2
So I’m hoping that their discipline records come with them, like their health records come with them.
[CROWD APPLAUDS]
...
Woman 3
Years ago, when the MetroLink was being very popular, Saint Charles County put to a vote whether or not we wanted the MetroLink to come across into our community. And we said no. And the reason we said no is because we don’t want the different areas— I’m going to be very kind— coming across on our side of the bridge, bringing with it everything that we’re fighting today against.

Nikole Hannah
A mother named Beth Cirami approaches the microphone

Beth Cirami
This is what I want to know from you. In one month, I send my three small children to you. And I want to know, is there any metal detectors?
[CROWD APPLAUDS]
I want to be clear. I’m no expert. I’m not you guys. I don’t have an accreditation. But I’ve read. I’ve read, and I’ve read, and I’ve read.

So we’re not talking about the Normandy School District losing their accreditation because of their buildings, or their structures, or their teachers. We are talking about violent behavior that is coming in with my first grader, my third grader, and my middle schooler that I’m very worried about. And I want to know— you have no choice, like me— I want to know where the metal detectors are going to be. And I want to know where your drug-sniffing dogs are going to be.

This is what I want. I want the same security that Normandy gets when they walk though their school doors. And I want it here. And I want that security before my children walk into Francis Howell, because I shopped for a school district. I deserve to not have to worry about my children getting stabbed, or taking a drug, or getting robbed because that’s the issue. I don’t care—

Nikole Hannah
To be clear, Normandy did not lose its accreditation because of violence. It’s easy to judge these parents. But I think part of what makes it seem so startling is that we rarely fight these battles anymore.

The reaction to large numbers of black children moving into white schools would probably sound no different in New York or Chicago or Boston. It’s just that in most of the country, no one is even trying. These parents don’t want to try, either. So one of them offered a helpful solution.

Man 1
You’re absolutely right. We have to do this. We have to follow the laws. We don’t have to like it, and we don’t have to make it easy. Has anyone considered changing our school start times, moving start times up 20 minutes, maybe 40 minutes, making it a little less appealing?”

It’s there. It’s in every statement.

Us v. Them. The poor kids. The black kids. The immigrant kids. The refugee kids. The kids of gay parents or gay kids themselves.

THEY ARE NOT MY PROBLEM. All that matters is that my child has the best. All that matters is that my kid’s life is safe and clean and perfect.

We all want what is best for our children BUT…

I don’t want my children to just have a better life. I want my children to live in a better WORLD.

Because my children - your children - live in the WORLD. No man is an island, even if that man is a little man with a very, very protective mom with plenty of resources. 

If the neighborhood across town is filled with black and brown children suffering under the burden of poverty and racism, that matters to your kids. If families thousands of miles away are risking everything to escape civil war, that matters to your kids. If the children of gay parents see their family derided and condemned, that matters to your kids.

The first thing to remember is it’s not you NOW. 

As Glennon of Momastery masterfully put it, "Let us all quit acting like we have anything to do with the fact that we were lucky enough to have been born on third base, while millions are starving outside the stadium."

You’re safe in the stadium NOW, but that might not always be the case. Most of us live within a small margin of error. An illness or job loss or natural disaster could change everything we know to be true very, very quickly and then it will matter how others respond to your suffering.

Suffering is not a character flaw. I understand that it makes all of us deeply uncomfortable. To see other’s suffering is to tap a deep vein of vulnerability. We don’t really want to wonder “What if that was us?”

However, it could be us and - even if it NEVER is - it still matters. 

Because the problems of poverty and racism and war will affect our children one way or another because they affect EVERYTHING. They affect the economy and the crime rate and our education system and they will touch in small ways and large every aspect of our children's existence. 

Also, I have faith in our children. I have faith that these little people we are raising are up to the challenge. That - if we let them - they can learn how to deal with difference and change and even suffering.

That, by exposing them to the real problems facing all of us, they might even be the solutions.

But, we have to teach them there is no us... no them... only WE.

My girls

 My time off is being extended as I fly to be with one of these women during a difficult time. I thought this was a good time to repost this ode to girlfriends I wrote on Salt + Nectar a few years. 

I used to bristle when people would deride women for being overly emotional. "Girls are so much drama!" they would say. I have friends both men and women who claim to avoid female friendship because the relationships inevitably lead to conflict.

I always thought these ideas reeked of gender stereotypes and sexist assumptions. After all, I think we've all met a moody male or two and Lord knows men have conflicts all their own. If they are more likely to end in a fist fight than tears, well who's to say one is better than the other. (See two can play at this gender stereotype game!)

Well, I'm sad to say I think these people might have been right. Girls are drama.

Recently, I engaged in a little girlfriend drama of my own. One girlfriend simply decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. Another was angry at me for some hurtful things I'd said to her and carried the anger around for months. One friendship was salvageable. One was not. Both situations left me hurt, a little angry, and more than a little gun shy when it comes to my current relationships.

After all, is it worth it? I had spent a lot of time with both these woman. I had shared stories and stresses. I had made them a part of my life and I had made myself vulnerable. In return, I felt like all I got was criticism and rejection.

And if these were my only experiences with female friendship I would say no. Thankfully, they are not. To say I have great girlfriends is sort of like saying I like Oprah - doesn't quite do it justice.  Annie, Elizabeth, Laura, Erin, Shannon... These women are my sisters. On the most basic level, I am not me without them. They make me laugh. They make me think. They make me feel better when all I want to feel is sad. My daily prayer is that I give back even half of what they give me.

Have I had drama with these women? Hells yeah. Elizabeth, Erin, and I lived together...in college. Need I say more? We've had our conflicts but the drama didn't consume us. If anything, it made our friendships stronger. And I am so, so happy that I never let a few negative experiences prevent me from opening myself up again.

We all know deep down that all relationships contain drama because they contain people. And people (not just women) are drama. There are so many relationships in our lives that are mandatory - relationships with our spouses, our children, even our coworkers. We HAVE to work through that drama. We don't have a choice. So, maybe it's tempting to cut out relationships that seem optional.

However, I'm here to say. For me, friendship - specifically friendship with other women - is not optional. The phonecalls and gchats and coffee dates with my girlfriends get me through and make me better. I simply could not live without them.

So, bring on the drama. I can handle it - as long as I've got my girls by my side.

Happy Labor Day Weekend

I'm taking today and Monday off from posting. We're headed to Kentucky Lake to spend time with family and soak up the last bit of summer. 

I hope you have a fantastic weekend!

My latest parenting FAIL

Photo Credit: Jari Schroderus via Compfight cc

In the midst of my terrible, terrible time, Amos forgot how to use the potty. People had warned me that regression was a real possibility when a new baby enters the picture. However, when Felix was born in February and we went months without an issue, I just figured Amos was old enough it wouldn’t be a problem.

Then, two things happened. First, we got really lazy about taking his pull-up off in the morning (a mistake we had also made with Griffin because we are clearly slow learners) and he started peeing in them while awake. THEN, we went to the beach where kids spend a lot of time peeing in the ocean (or - let’s be honest - in the pool).

The combination of the two WITH the new baby meant I had a four-year-old pooping in his pants on the REGULAR.

It was awful and frustrating and gross.

The only thing worse was how I handled it. 

I believe in positive parenting. I believe praising kids works better than scolding. I believe kids do the best they can and deserve to be respected as human beings. I believe harsh discipline rarely ever works. 

So, what did I do to Amos as he struggled with the potty?

The exact opposite. I yelled. I screamed. I took away toys. I spanked him. God help me, I even shamed him. 

It was awful and it went on for weeks. I was tired and overwhelmed and I knew he COULD do it so I didn’t know why he WASN’T. He kept telling me he forgot how. I felt like he was lying to me, even when he told my friend Carrie, who cuts his hair and who he LOVES, the exact. same. thing.

I am so, so ashamed of how I handled it. I am so, so ashamed of the fact that I didn’t believe my sweet boy when he was telling me the best he could that he was having trouble. 

Finally, I took a deep breath and looked up potty training regression on the internet, even thoughI knew deep down what it was going to say.

Negative reinforcement makes it worse and attention for the mistakes - even negative attention - is no the way to handle it. Positive reinforcement - like you used to train them in the beginning - works the best. 

So, we sat down at the computer. He picked out a Superhero Potty Chart on Pinterest and a Mario backpack on Amazon. We printed both out and taped them next to the potty. He got a gold star every time he peed or pooped in the potty and when the chart was filled up, he go the backpack.

It took about two weeks, during which he had maybe two or three accidents. It was that simple. 

Since he’s got his backpack, we’ve had only a handful of accidents, usually attributable to something else like napping or lack of access.

I can’t believe it was this simple all along. Actually, maybe I can. The most successful parenting techniques usually are simple - they’re just difficult. Not because of our kids but because our own hangups or lack of energy. 

In other words, parenting fails are usually about us and not our kids.

That’s the hardest lesson of all. 

The EASY way to limit screen time

My kids LOVE screen time. If given the choice, they would spend every waking moment playing Minecraft, LEGOS® Star Wars™ app, or watching Netflix until their eyeballs rotted out of their heads.

Obviously, as their mother, I try to prevent this from happening.

Now, I’m not opposed to ALL screen time. We live in a digital age and I want my children to be digitally literate, but I also don’t want their legs to atrophy or backs to develop humps.

I’ve tried and tried and tried several techniques to limit screen time. When Griffin was little, we used a clothespin technique, which worked really well when all we had to deal with was the television.

Since then, we’ve added an iPad, a Kindle Fire HD Kids Edition, and a LeapPad. (In my defense, we won the LeapPad and my husband purchased the Kindle Fire!) So, now I’m not trying to keep them from ONE screen. I’m trying to keep them from FOUR screens. 

The Kindle Fire has built-in screen time limits, but that doesn’t help much considering there are other options once that shuts down. I tried an app that used a timer to set daily limits and even let them “earn” more time by completing chores. The only problem with that is I had to constantly monitor them to make sure the timer was running, which was a total pain in the butt.

The same goes for all the screen time tokens, popsicle sticks, charts, etc. 

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR ALL THAT.

Several years ago, I read a completely BRILLIANT idea for limiting screen time. This mother told her son she would only charge the iPad every three days. If he used all the battery the first day, that was his problem. 

I LOVED this concept.

So, I tried it with the iPad because that was Griffin’s tablet of choice. Well, I could never remember what day we were on and he would often sneak the charger into a dark corner and play with the tablet plugged in. OR he would just move on to the Kindle if the iPad was dead.

I felt defeated. Then, I realized the concept was still good it just needed a little tweaking for our family.

When the boys were away one day, I gathered all the chargers and hid them away in my room. This seemed to be one of my major flaws the first round. If they knew where the chargers were, they were sure as heck going to use them. 

I also included every tablet in the new regime. Each one has several hours of run time and that seemed like plenty of time to play within one week. So, now I gather every tablet after the boys have gone to bed on Saturday night (therefore, maintaining the secrecy of the chargers) and charge everything overnight.

Come Sunday every tablet is on 100% and will not be plugged up again until the next week.

I don’t set any rules about who can play what for how long. They are in charge of working that out among themselves. They’ve been running through a huge chunk of time on Sunday, which is fine with me because I prefer our weekday evenings mostly screen free.

The television is obviously not included within the limitation. I allow PBS Kids in the morning and then other television viewing when I’m too tired to wrangle, which is why I like it not being limited. That way I don’t have to undermine myself when I just want everyone to BE. QUIET. for 30 minutes so I can hear myself think. 

Now, this would not work with a video game console, like a Wii or XBox. We don’t have those in our house because my husband would quickly lose his job and I like having food and shelter.

However, if your main battle is with tablets, it works like a charm.

We’re a couple of weeks in and both boys know we only charge on church days and they’ll have to find something else to do once the batteries are dead.

The best part?

No more timers. No more charts. No more nagging. 

How do you limit screen time?

5 Lessons from The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Several months ago, my dear friend Annie texted me pictures of her neatly organized drawers and told me to stop what I was doing and read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.

When Annie says, “Read this book. Do it now.” I do it.

I have been battling with my stuff for a long time. A few years back I announced a massive project in which I was going to declutter and inventory my entire house. Never happened. I tried going room by room and intensely declutter. Never happened. 

I would walk around my house and feel like the piles of stuff were mocking me. I would spend weekends purging and organizing but never feeling like I got anywhere.

I was exactly what I didn’t want to be. I was a stuff manager. 

The problem was I thought I already knew everything there was to know about organizing. What could Marie Kondo possibly teach me?

Turns out. A LOT.

My former "junk" drawer.

1. Everything I knew about organizing was wrong.

Tackling organization a little bit at a time? WRONG. Going room by room? WRONG. Finding just the right “system” for organization? WRONG. 

Marie Kondo throws out all the classic organizing advice bit by bit until she’s left with one simple truth. 

2. We should be choosing what we want to keep, not what we want to get rid of.

That is POWERFUL insight right there. 

For YEARS, I spent all my energy using my space to keep what I had. If I had an empty drawer, I filled it. If I collected extra supplies, I stored them. If I had space, why not?

Because the space in your house represents the space in your life and there is only a FINITE amount of it. 

Even the very back corner of a little-used closet represents mental energy and how do you want to spend your mental energy? Managing stuff? 

Well, NOT. ME.

My t-shirt drawer. BELIEVE in the vertical fold.

3. Every item in your home should spark joy.

The KonMari method requires you place every single item in your hand and ask does it spark joy? If it doesn’t, it goes!

I know that sounds extreme and she makes allowances for items that you use on a daily basis or need to but can’t afford to replace. 

However, I still think those things bring joy. My little boxcutter tool doesn’t necessarily spark joy when I hold it in my hand. But you know what does? Having it perfectly stored in its own space and seeing that space occupied by something that I use almost daily!

4. It’s about the EMOTIONS - not the stuff.

“When you come across something that’s hard to discard, consider carefully why you have that specific item in the first place. When did you get it and what meaning did it have for you then? Reassess the role it plays in your life. If, for example, you have some clothes that you bought but never wear, examine them one at a time. Where did you buy that particular outfit and why? If you bought it because you thought it looked cool in the shop, it has fulfilled the function of giving you a thrill when you bought it. Then why did you never wear it? Was it because you realized that it didn’t suit you when you tried it on at home? If so, and if you no longer buy clothes of the same style or color, it has fulfilled another important function—it has taught you what doesn’t suit you. In fact, that particular article of clothing has already completed its role in your life, and you are free to say, “Thank you for giving me joy when I bought you,” or “Thank you for teaching me what doesn’t suit me,” and let it go. Every object has a different role to play. Not all clothes have come to you to be worn threadbare. It is the same with people. Not every person you meet in life will become a close friend or lover. Some you will find hard to get along with or impossible to like. But these people, too, teach you the precious lesson of who you do like, so that you will appreciate those special people even more.”

— Marie Kondo

No. More. Stacking.

That passage fundamentally changed how I feel about my belongings. First of all, I realized that discarding something didn’t mean I thought it was worthless. Feeling like a once precious object was now worthless kept me from getting rid of it. Now, I realize I can say thank you for an object’s role in my life and then let. it. go.

The sweater I loved to snuggle up in our first winter back in Paducah? Thanks for the memories and goodbye. The book that changed my worldview in college? Thank you for the insight and goodbye. The CDs I listened to a thousand times in 2007 but never since? Thank you and goodbye.

5. Practice makes perfect.

Marie Kondo has a specific order in which you tackle your clutter - category by category. You begin with clothes then go one by one until you finally sort sentimental belongings.

Over the past few months, I’ve worked through each category with only kitchen accessories and the sentimental belongings left.

It has been FREEING.

She’s right. You get better and better at understanding which items bring you joy and which you can let go.

And, as I get better at it, I feel less like I live among my stuff and more like my home is a place of peace and joy. 

If you’ve felt weighed down by your stuff, this book truly is life-changing. 

Any of y'all already KonMarie converts?