Being my own boss

I don’t like to have a boss.

For years, I couldn’t admit this to myself. 

It felt cocky and egotistical. It felt like I was confessing a character flaw. 

I didn’t even have bad bosses to blame. My first boss Karen would buy me a lunch once a week. We’d sit in her office. She’d give me gifts from Aveda for doing a good job and make sure I didn’t have any concerns I needed to share.

Seriously. 

My second boss Hal didn’t share my appreciation for Aveda. Yet, he did make me feel smart and supported and capable. He’s also hilarious and kind, which helps.

Still - even with some of the best bosses on the planet - I always bristled at hierarchy. 

Then, I had a run-in with a boss that didn’t involve supportive lunches or Aveda. As is my way, I beat myself up about my role in the conflict. Then, I got upset. Then, I started inventing all the reasons I didn’t need to work for this particular boss anymore.

Finally, my husband (as is his way) cut through my bullshit with some well-timed wisdom.

I was making my case for quitting and he looked at me and said, “Sarah, you don’t like having a boss. That’s ok.” 

Wait, IT IS?

It felt like a revelation. I didn’t like having a boss and THAT WAS OK.

For so long, I had carried my preference like a burden. 

If I didn’t want a boss, that meant I had to BE the boss. What did I know about being the boss? Didn’t you have to be older? Didn’t you have to be an expert? Didn’t you need years of experience?

There was the answer - contained in my husband’s simple observation. 

I don’t think it was an accident that this observation came from a man.

As a woman, likability is high on the list of societal requirements. Confidence (especially anything with a whiff of overconfidence) is very, very low.

I got the image above my doing a Google Image Search on the word boss. Almost every single image of a "boss" contains a man. The only woman is using an air horn on a cowering man. I can't make this stuff up, people!

Add in a massive case of imposter syndrome and it’s easy to understand why I was scared to proclaim I loved being in charge. 

But, I’ve learned the alternative is much worse. Ignoring my personal boundaries and signing up for work that leaves me frustrated and resentful is simply not worth it. When I don't have real creative freedom and control over my work, I spend too much energy fighting circumstances I can't change and not enough energy producing work of which I can be proud. 

For me, work is as much about the process as it is the result. That's not to say I can't be a team player - I can. However, the ability to listen to my own rhythms and follow my own ideas leaves me feeling energized instead of depleted. 

Taking charge - unapologetically - is scary and exhilarating but WORTH IT every single time. 

Book + Friend Bundling

These two guys were my first book club guinea pigs. 

I'm on Modern Mrs. Darcy - one of my FAVORITE blogs - talking about my new favorite way to connect with friends and family.

I love to read, but realized I was only finishing one or two books a month. I love connecting with friends and family, but realized recently I was going months without talking to the most important people in my life.

Then, I discovered “temptation bundling.” “Temptation bundling” is linking together two activities — one you should do but maybe avoid or have trouble making time for; and one you love to do but can be easily forgotten among more urgent tasks.

What if I combined my goal of reading more with connecting with family and friends?

Read the rest on Modern Mrs. Darcy

How I got my family to help around the house

Recently, I looked around my home and realized I WAS DOING ALL THE THINGS.

I am lucky enough to have a husband who cooks and does most of the grocery shopping. But guess what? With church and community events and family obligations, we can go days and days without eating dinner at home, which means he is basically off the hook.

But breakfast? Packed lunches? Laundry? Picking up? Cleaning up? Plain ole KEEPING UP?

That was ALL. ME.

Add in the time I spend feeding, changing, and generally caring for baby Felix and suddenly there was no time leftover for my work… much less leisure.

I like to think of myself as hardcore when it comes to household chores. I like to think of myself as a mom who pushes her kids towards independence and responsibility. 

One of my proudest moments was at Griffin’s pre-K Mother’s Day luncheon a few years ago. When asked “What’s your mom’s favorite thing to do?”, LOTS of children answered that their mother’s favorite thing to do was wash dishes or cook dinner or go grocery shopping.

I was pleasantly surprised when Griffin’s answered, “Reading Harry Potter.”

BINGO! An actual leisure activity! My kid knows I don’t enjoy household drudgery because I say so on a pretty regular basis.  

And yet… assigning age-appropriate chores takes thought. Teaching children to do chores takes time. Following through and making sure your children actually do the chores takes energy.

With a new baby, I'm lacking on all three, which is how I ended up doing all the things.

This is how I stopped.

1. Announce a change

First, I told my children and my husband that I wasn’t going to do ALL THE THINGS any more. I needed help so I started by asking for it. 

2. Take the time to teach

Next, I taught Griffin how to drag our laundry out to the washing machine every day after school. We use one laundry basket at the end of the hall. Everything goes in. Everything gets washed on cold. I made that change a few months ago on the recommendation of a friend and it makes all the difference. No more sorting and worrying about who needs clean clothes.

I also bought Tide PODS so Griffin can load it and start it himself. Then, I informed Nicholas he would need to switch it to the dryer every day when he got home for work. 

Folding and putting away still falls to me, but I’m finding it’s not such a chore when I’m not also in charge of the washing and drying.

3. Make the chores kid-friendly

Next, I spent an entire day cleaning out our kitchen cabinets and moving ALL of our dishes, glassware, cookware, and utensils. Everything is now where the under-7 set can reach it. I moved our plates and bowls and glasses to the open shelving on each side of our island so that Griffin and Amos can now unload the dishwasher. 

I could practically hear angels sing as I wrote that last sentence. 

My kids now unload the dishes. ALL the dishes. Not just the silverware. THE DISHES.

Bonus: They can now clean up their places after every meal, unpack and put away their lunch boxes, AND set the table. 

How did I know I’d gone WAY too long shouldering most of the household chores myself?

The first day Amos had to put his own dishes in the dishwasher he looked at me and asked, “Why are you making us do all the work?”

I laughed manically in his face and then went back to sipping champagne as Griffin fanned me with giant peacock feathers.

Just kidding!

I went back to feeding Felix and told him that everyone in a family helps out. He was a big boy now so he could start helping out around the house!

So far, it’s going GREAT. Turns out slaving away resentfully without actually asking for help wasn’t the best approach. Go figure! It was work putting the new systems in place and I’m sure we’ll have to make changes here and there to keep things running smoothly. 

But - in the meantime - I’ll be over here reading Harry Potter while my kids set the table. 

P.S. The Truth That Changed My Marriage

Beryl and the books

Little known fact about me. I want to write a book. I want to write a book so badly. The problem is I. am. terrified. by the prospect. There is a voice in my head that yells so loudly when I think about writing a book. That voice tells me I have no idea how to write a book. That voice tells me I have no idea worth writing a book about. This voice tells me no one will read it.

I am trying desperately to quiet that voice. The only way to write a book is to start writing. Last year, I tried writing every day with a dear friend and one challenge we gave ourselves was writing an adventure tale. 

This is my tale. I hope by sharing it - by just putting my words OUT THERE - I'll realize that starting is the hardest part ... but not as scary as the voice makes it seem.

So, here you go. My adventure tale. 

Photo Credit: anderson.r.b via Compfight cc

Beryl had always hated her name. Her parents had been in the Peace Corps in Kenya when they heard fantastic tales of the famous aviator Beryl Markham. A famous horse trainer and the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic from east to west, Beryl Markham was one of Kenya’s most famous transplants. When a baby girl arrived years later and far from the African continent, her parents had remembered the famous adventurer and named their daughter Beryl. 

Now, the name felt like a taunt. 

Beryl’s life was full of many things – dirty diapers, sleepless nights, a never-ending to-do list – but adventure was not one of them. She had grown up surrounded by tales of world travel and cloaked in the legend of an adventurer. Yet, she had never left the state of Kansas. She had had a normal childhood, a happy marriage, and a beautiful daughter of her own, but adventure? She didn’t even have time to read about adventure much less pursue it. 

Reading felt like a luxury now. She was lucky to grab 15 minutes in a row and missed long afternoons getting lost in a new novel. Now, all she saw were books she wanted to read but would never get to – a new Oprah pick, a fascinating memoir praised on NPR, even the racy must-read all her friends were talking about at the gym. The books became one more item on her to-do list, one more thing taunting her … just like her name. 

Collapsing on the couch after a hard-fought nap time, Beryl was making a list in her head of all the household chores she needed to accomplish before the baby woke up. Empty the dishwasher. Run a load of laundry. Clean the sink. She glanced longingly at the book her husband had left on the couch. Touted as the nonfiction Moby Dick, it was the true account of danger and excitement on the high seas. Only in this version, the ship was not hunting a whale – it was hunting the whalers themselves. 

Beryl reached out for the book. Her fingers dropped lightly on the cover when it happened. 

Salt water. Ice cold winds. Adrenaline. Rain streaked her face as she looked out across a dark sea to see pinpoints of light sinking behind the waves. Someone was screaming at her.

“There they are! We’ve almost got them!”

She jerked her hand away. Her heart was racing. What had just happened? 

“I’m going crazy,” she thought. Was she hallucinating? Had she passed out? She looked over at the book. It seemed to be pulsing. She reached out and grabbed it. 

Again, she was pitching forward and rolling back. Time was moving quickly. She saw the boat ship out and the hunt for the poachers. She felt the exhilaration of the pursuit and joy of the victory. She felt everything, experienced everything, only everything passed in front of her as if on fast forward.

“Drop the book!” she said out loud.

Then, just as suddenly she was back in her living room, the book sitting open on the floor. Without thinking, Beryl ran to her bookshelf. Was this a fluke? What about fiction? She laid her index finger lightly on Pride and Prejudice. Suddenly, she was surrounded by candelabra and twirling figures and a man was watching her from across the room. Overwhelmed with excitement and frustration, she blushed and felt herself lift her finger off the book. Next, she dropped it on The Worst Hard Times – a historical account of the Dust Bowl during the 1920s. Her nose filled with dirt and her eyes watered. She began to hack and felt desperation rising up in her chest. She lifted her finger.

Beryl was approaching the Harry Potter series when something caught her attention. Her computer was sitting quietly on her desk across the room. As she turned to face it, she thought. If she could take in the information contained in a book, what would happen if she tried to take in the information on the Internet. ALL the information in the world. Would she just feel what was on the screen? Would she touch the computer and nothing happen?

Without thinking, she reached out and placed her hand on the screen… 

Your right to own a gun is not absolute

Photo Credit: SveenysArmory via Compfight cc

People are talking about gun control. Over Facebook, over dinner, around town, I’ve found myself in multiple conversations about gun legislation and mental health and Constitutional rights. The tragic shooting at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon, - and President Obama’s impassioned speech afterwards - seemed to have sparked honest reflection on what we as a nation are doing wrong when it comes to guns.

I’ve noticed a reoccurring argument in many of the conversations I’ve had over the past few days. It’s an argument as old as guns themselves. 

“Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.”

This theme is followed closely by a call for enforcing the gun control laws we already have and increased outreach care for the mentally ill.

No one - especially me - is going to argue against enforcement or attention to mental health. However, particularly with regards to mental heath - as my friend Kristin passionately argues here - there is no simple answer. 

In a way, the argument that guns don’t kill people is correct.

Guns are simple objects. A gun is nothing but a chunk of metal until a human being picks it up and makes it work. 

Unfortunately, the human being is very, very complex and legislating human behavior is damn near impossible. What we’ve found over and over again is that when there is a complex and harmful relationship between human beings and an object then we restrict access to the object.

Cigarettes. Cars. Drugs. Alcohol. 

Sitting around and waiting for human beings to act the way we think they should doesn’t really work. 

There is always room for education (which is apparently working with soda) and intervention and community support. However, that doesn’t mean that’s enough. 

So, I believe we have to restrict access to guns.

I do not believe the Constitution guarantees an absolute right to anything. Speech. Press. Religion. Even one’s own liberty can be restricted under the right circumstances. 

A person - even a law abiding sportsman - does not have the right to ANY gun they want. A person - even a law abiding sportsman - does not have the right to AS MANY guns as they want. 

Your right to own a gun is not absolute and I am willing to restrict that right if it means saving lives. 

I am.

Why is that such a crazy thing for a political to say? It’s not because they are all cowards. It’s because there is a $31 BILLION dollar industry who will lobby for those rights. Those lobbyists have gun owners and gun laws and gun sales to point to to make their case.

However, we will never know the lives saves. Politicians can’t hold a press conference celebrating the fact that your child or my child lived a long happy life because a mad men couldn’t get his hands on a gun. No lobbyist can point to the mother who raises her children because her ex-husband couldn’t get his hands on a gun. No candidate can plaster the faces of suicidal teenagers on a billboard - teenagers who survived because all they could get their hands on was a bottle of pills instead of a loaded gun.

But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. 

It will be hard. We will get things wrong. We have a huge problem when it comes to violence in this country and it won’t be solved by one law or twenty. 

But we have to TRY. We can keep talking, but that can't be all we do. 

Take action. 

Get involved.

Now. 

The Reinvention of Made in America

I stopped by News-3 This Morning recently to talk about products "Made in America." I've been noticing that the internet is once again acting as the great equalizer when it comes to American-made products. Instead of factories churning out mass-produced products stateside, American companies are creating well-made, high-quality products that thanks to the internet are available to a worldwide audience.

American Giant Hoodie

I'm just going to be honest. When my husband told me he wanted a $89.00 hoodie, I laughed at him. He had read a Slate article declaring This is the Greatest Hoodie Ever Made and decided he needed one. I was semi-convinced reading all the praise but it wasn't until I held an actual American Giant hoodie in my hands (and had one on my body) that I really got it. Y'all, this hoodie is SO. NICE. So nice my husband and I are constantly debating whether an event is American Giant worthy. Will there be fire? No go, don't want our amazing hoodie smelling like smoke. Will it be warm and require us to remove our hoodie? Nope, our hoodie might get stolen. 

Have you ever picked up a vintage piece of clothing and thought, "Why don't they make clothes like this anymore?" Turns out, they do. American Giant does and they do that by spending less on distribution, retail real estate, and marketing, and by spending more on quality materials and American manufacturing.

Critical Cycles

Critical Cycles is another company cutting out the middle man and using the internet to offer a superior product - made in America - to a wide audience. I first learned about the company from a friend, who is also a dedicated cyclist. I had told her I was looking for a bike and she quickly recommended Critical.

Critical designs, manufactures, and sell top-notch bicycles at an affordable price. They do all the research and development in-house and handpick all the components themselves. They sell a finished hand-built product shipped directly to you - no middleman so better products!

Critical Cycles is offering my readers 10% off orders over $100 with the coupon code BluegrassRedheadsSaveGreen!

Founded in 2013, FOUNT began with the creative husband and wife team of Phillip and Jackie Wachter pursuing their passion for leather bags and accessories. Based out of Cleveland, Ohio, FOUNT is using the highest quality leather and materials that are not only special because they are handcrafted in America but because they are destined to become heirlooms.

These bags not only look beautiful but smell and feel amazing. Holding a FOUNT bag is similar to holding an American Giant sweatshirt. You feel what you feel when you encounter an amazingly vintage product that has the heft of something well-made. 

Sonnet James

I've already written about all the reasons I love my Sonnet James play dress, but I wore the dress during the segment because it another company reinventing the Made In America label! 

All Sonnet James dresses are made here in San Francisco, CA, with fabric made in New York. Again, by thinking beyond the traditional manufacturing model, Sonnet James is offering a superior American-made product!

Comic Book Birthday Party

Happy Comic Book Day! I thought I would share Griffin's four -year-old birthday party when Super Griffin banished the Party Pooper forever!

The invitation was my absolute FAVORITE part!

My 5 Favorite Podcasts

Are you on the podcast bandwagon yet? If not, get on board! 

Don't listen to the radio you can't control or music you don't enjoy! Listen to some of the smartest, funniest, most insightful people out there sharing content that makes your life BETTER!

I listen to podcasts while I walk in the morning, in my van, even while I knit at night. In fact, I have a weekly podcast schedule. (I know! I'm a dork!) I listen to work-themed podcasts on Mondays, creative podcasts on Tuesdays, fun podcasts on Wednesday, and parenting podcasts on Thursdays. I am constantly amazed by all the great tips and stories and advice I get from these programs. 

Here are my favorites.

I'm a BIG Gretchen Rubin fan so it's no surprise I love her podcast, which she cohosts with her sister Elizabeth Craft. They talk "about how to build happier habits into everyday life, as we draw from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, lessons from pop culture—and our own experiences (and mistakes)"

Just discovered The Lively Show and I absolutely love it. From Jess herself, "Each Tuesday on my podcast, The Lively Show, I share ways we can apply this Values-based approach to our possessions, personal habits, relationships, and career. And Thursday episodes feature a guest interview designed to uplift, inspire, or help you add a little extra intention to your everyday."

Conversations revolving around creativity with Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love and my personal hero. What more do you need to know?!?

In full disclosure, Sarah and Meagan are my good friends, but I'd swear I'd listen even if they weren't. I mean they have EIGHT kids between them. Trust me. They're experts.

I first heard of Rob Bell through Oprah.... which really is enough. Then, I sort of rediscovered him through his podcast, which I find so inspiring and insightful. 

What are your favorite podcasts?